Finding Hope In The Hopeless

Do you ever look back at old pictures, journals, or memories and think about how much has really changed since then? Sure, your hair has grown and you’ve gotten a little taller. And that friend isn’t in your life anymore and your pet has passed away. But have you ever really seen how much you have evolved as a person?

When we become happier or reach good points in our life, we really forget to appreciate them. There are highs and lows all the time – but we let the lows make more of an impact than the highs.

There was a time you were hopeless. That you pined over people who didn’t want you. That you swore off all things that could make you happy. You lived in fear, in sadness, hopelessly ghosting through life.

But did you know in that hopelessness there is a glimmer of hope at the end of the road? Hope that will eventually lead you to happiness if you stop burying yourself in the guilt and blame.

Things change, you have to count on that fact. And since things are always changing, you need to believe that they will eventually change for the better. That not all people are hopeless. Your life isn’t hopeless. That someone or something will give you hope and help you change.

There was a point where I was so certain of how my life would be, I accepted a very bitter and unhappy version of myself. It’s okay to look back at that person to remind myself how much better I can be. Because I made hope for myself and other people gave me hope to keep trying. There is hope in the hopeless.

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The Hookup On: Things That Make Me Unhappy

  1. Being unproductive at work
  2. Not making enough time for myself
  3. When my week is booked with plans
  4. When I have zero plans
  5. Stressing out over little things
  6. Friends who just aren’t good friends
  7. Hangovers
  8. Gaining weight
  9. Caring about how much I weigh
  10. When my hair grows and my roots show
  11. Not napping
  12. Spending too much money for no reason
  13. Feeling guilty after I eat too much food
  14. Extremely negative people
  15. People who put other people down
  16. When my room and my car and my life get too messy
  17. When I feel like I’m not being a good friend
  18. When I disappoint people
  19. When I hurt people
  20. Becoming unmotivated

Making lists of the things that make you unhappy puts everything on the table. Right in front of you are problems you can solve, are all the things getting in the way of your happiness. Write them down and eliminate them.

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Stop Trying To Impress People Who Don’t Deserve You

We’re all perfectionists – there are different degrees – but we all want to be some sort of perfect. We want to look like the girl in the magazine, have a relationship like the one in the movies, excel at our jobs like a millionaire, or be the perfect family member like we see our friends being.

Rarely are we motivated by ourselves. We are motivated by people who don’t think we’re good enough. The people who give side glances when we’re in a bathing suit, the boss that rolls their eyes at us, the family member that is fed up with our mistakes.

And we consistently are trying to impress people – but are they always people that matter?

When you’re waiting for someone you went on a date with to text you back, you start evaluating all the things you’ve done wrong. But do they deserve that? Was there such a connection that you need to go out of your way to tell your best stories, be some fake version of yourself so they’ll like you? Do you really even like them?

And when your boss or your friend or whoever it is is telling you you’re failing no matter how hard you’re trying – are they really worth it? Are they really making you happy? Why are you trying to impress someone who adds literally no positivity to your life.

You should be the one that’s motivating you. You should know that if a guy doesn’t like you then he’s not worth it. That not every person you go on a date with is worth worrying over and killing yourself to try to impress them.

You should be the one that knows you can excel at a job or can lose the weight or can do something that makes you happy.

Stop trying to impress people that make you feel bad about yourself, that add negativity, that are just not worth your time. They’re not worthless – they’re just not worth it to you. Be your own kind of perfect, impress yourself and impress the people that truly matter and deserve to matter to you.

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Visit Your Past, But Don’t Live In It

There are three kinds of people. The people who live in the past, the people who live in the present, and the people who live in the future.

I don’t think many people live in the present. It’s very hard to be completely aware of the moment you’re in when you have years of junk from the past filling your head and years of wants in the future to look ahead to. I applaud the people who live in the present, the ones who are appreciating the life they are currently living.

The people who live in the future face a lot of anxiety because there is so much unknown and they just want to know it all. They have so many desires and so much to work toward that they forget there is a life to be lived right now, in this exact moment.

The people who live in the past tend to ache for something that once was,  but will probably never be again. They get caught up in it and stop moving forward because they’re reaching so far in the past. It hinders them.

It’s fine to revisit your past every once in a while. It’s fine that a song reminds you of your ex boyfriend. It’s fine that a picture reminds you of broken friendships. But don’t dwell on those things – learn from them.

Happy memories as well as sad memories hold lessons that are so important for you to learn. Don’t let anyone tell you to get over it or move on if you’re still learning. But also don’t let yourself get caught up in a moment that you can’t change.

Continue to move forward, but don’t forget your past completely. Visit it, but don’t live in it. If you want something to change, then change it. If some memories are still painful, grow from them. If some things still make you smile, learn how to do that in your present.

There is so much that you have done and so much to be done, but remember to keep those lessons close to your heart to make your present as great as possible. Be grateful and be aware of your life – if you had happiness in the past you can surely have it right now, too.

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Why Your Best Friends Are Your Actual Soulmates

How many times have we heard the Sex and the City quote:  “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

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It really couldn’t be more true. I spent a large part of my young life in a relationship that I used to replace friendships.  My high school friends weren’t all that great and when a boy who cared about me came along, I used it as an excuse to get out of friendships that weren’t going anywhere anyway.

It all changed when I went to college and when I became single.

Never in a million years did I think that I would have the friends I have now.  They are beautiful people who are always right behind me, ready to push me up when I’m about to fall.  Friends are your true soulmates because in a relationship or not, they will always be there.

I’ve found myself, as a single gal, doing things with my friends that most people do with their significant other.  Going out to dinner, to the movies, and on adventures aren’t solely activities that can be done with a boyfriend or girlfriend. In the lull between relationships, friends will be there to watch Netflix with you and binge eat Dominos pizza with you because they want to.  When you are in a relationship, friends will still be on the sideline, stepping in every so often.

Your friends hang out with you because they love you and think you’re a good time. They don’t have to pencil you into their schedule.  There is no sense of obligation when your friends are your soulmates because you always want to see them.

You don’t need them all the time, but they’re always there when you need them.  There is an amount of love that doesn’t need to be spoken, but can be felt every time you’re crying from laughing so hard or laughing after you’re done drunkenly crying too hard. Not every friend deserves the label of “soulmate”, but to those who find their true soulmates – you are one of the luckiest people in the world.

Summer of Feels

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It’s summer and everyone is tan, everyone is “bikini ready”, and everyone is wearing their cutest outfits.  Cue the feels.

When summer break starts, you’re either going home, to a vacation spot for the summer, or staying at your university.  In any of these options, you’re going to make a main group of friends that you hang out with consistently all summer.  And let’s face it, summer is never as exciting as we want it to be.

All year we think about the fun in the sun opportunities that await us, then end up overeating on our couch and watching reruns of Boy Meets World. At school, we go out and drink at least four times a week.  During these outings, we’re consistently meeting new people.  And that is not always the case during summer.

So, when you’re hanging out with the same people all the time, you’re going to build friendships and relationships that you normally wouldn’t have. That boy you’ve known for a year now suddenly seems so much more mature and good looking than he did when he was funneling a beer in your living room last November. Hookups happen, and after those hookups happen you realize you don’t have too many options for more hookups – so you continue it. Then you catch the feels, you spend all this time with someone in fun and intimate situations and you end up thinking that this is real.  This could be a relationship.  Come September, you’ll have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Now take a step back.  Because come September, you’ll be greeted by all your old friends and flings.  You’ll be going out four times a week again and meeting a new hottie tottie at the bar every week.  Now that summer fling doesn’t seem so appealing, they seem clingy.  You both lost your tan, you’ve gained your relationship gut, and stopped dressing up to impress each other.
Enjoy the feels, but leave them in the sand and sun. Start your school year flirty and single, because soon enough the temperatures will drop and you’ll need a cuddle buddy. Cuffing season is always a winter away!