I seriously thought I had been blogging for more than two years so I’m pretty sure I’ve lied to a couple of people about that – sorry!
Two years ago today I published my first post on Hookup Culture – yay!! It all started as a class project and slowly grew into something that I never could’ve imagined. After I graduated college, I continued this blog as a way to vent and connect with the community. As a way to help people and have people help me. As a way to continue my passion as I entered into the work force.
Through this blog, I have begun to brand myself on WordPress and on Instagram. Social media has opened so many doors for me. I feel like because of this blog, I am evolving into someone that I am proud of.
Thank you so much to the WordPress community. To the blogs that have been following me for the past two years and for the ones that have just arrived. You all really mean so much to me.
It’s funny how I keep some of you in mind when I write certain posts and how I know which one of you will comment on what. It’s great to know there are people out there who care and that have been taking this journey with me!
Happy two year blogiversary to me – and here’s to many more 🙂
What made you start writing a blog? When I was a senior in college I was Concentrating in New Media, I started the blog for a class project without a clue of how much it would end up snowballing into this huge part of my life.
What makes you? What is perfection in this imperfect world? Are you pursuing your dream? Analytical or follower? Producer or consumer? I am driven by passion and learning. Perfection to me is simply happiness, whatever that may be for you. I’m not sure what my dreams are at the moment, but I feel I’m on the right path. I question everything and I believe I am a producer.
What is something about yourself that not many people know? What is your secret passion? I think most people kind of assuming I’m outgoing, but I’m extremely introverted and like being alone. I’m too passionate about my passions to keep them a secret 🙂
What motivates you to get out of the bed in the morning and tackle the day? Mostly the thought of eating good food.
What do you do to make yourself feel better when you’re having a bad day? I complain A LOT, it’s annoying to others but helps me haha
Favourite Book? Favourite Film? Favourite TV Show? Currently: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Edward Scissorhands, and Scrubs
What is one thing you could not live without? Cheese because omg it’s so good
Who is your favorite author? Why? Probably Ellen Hopkins, I enjoy her writing style.
If you were stranded on some uninhabited island, what would you do? If you can ask for 5 things to have with you on there, what would they be? I would probably sleep a lot haha I would bring my phone, food, water, a buddy, and a book.
Ever read “Me Before You?” What are your thought about dignitas? Would you do the same? I have! I completely respect and understand the decision and would do the same.
What is your biggest fear? Ugh sharks and spiders.
What’s your worst online dating story? One time I got ghosted which sucked. Another time I actually had to reject someone who thought the date went extremely well and that was hard and awkward for me – the whole date was so uncomfortable.
Approximately how many other blogs do you read a day? I skim through a lot, but I read in depth maybe 5 a day.
Which social platform did the majority of your followers come from; WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram? Definitely WordPress then Facebook.
How did you get your job in social media? I went to school for Advertising, Journalism, and New Media. I’ve loved social media my whole life so working in a communications department was a perfect fit for me. I started at a very small non profit after graduation and now I am at a much bigger one.
How much do you work with Facebook Ads etc.? I don’t work with them but I am actually looking into it for 2017.
Do you know anyone who subsequently married after meeting them on a dating website? I don’t! I do know about 3 couples who met via Tinder/Bumble and they have been dating for months so it is possible 🙂
Thank you for all your questions – hope you all enjoyed learning a little more about me 🙂
“Nice guys finish last.” Why do I always hear that? There is some sort of stereotype in the world that says girls like to be treated like dirt, so they intentionally find the guys that are going to hurt them and ignore all of those wonderful ‘nice guys’ who are pining for them.
First of all: no one in the world wants to be treated poorly. Not girls, not guys – at least, not on purpose.
A girl won’t ignore you, not date you, or friendzone you just because you’re nice. There are other factors involved such as: she doesn’t think you’re attractive, you act too much like a friend, you don’t have any sort of challenge or spark to you. This isn’t personal – we’re all attracted to different types of people and you’re just not that person’s type.
Of course we want someone who is going to be nice to us. But we don’t want someone who reminds us of our brother. Protective is great, but family-like is not. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re being too nice? To the point where it’s a little unrealistic…
Also who, besides you, is calling you a nice guy? Because nice guys (in my opinion) don’t put down other people just because they don’t like you.
Who even said the problem is you? Because a lot of the time, the problem is me! The girl you like might not want to date anyone, might be going through some problems, or recently got her heart broken. It’s not because you’re a nice guy, it’s because she’s not ready.
I can agree that a lot of girls gravitate to guys who present more of a challenge – but a lot of guys also gravitate to girls who present more of a challenge. It’s all a matter of taste and in a lot of cases, it only takes getting hurt once for someone to realize they’re not always up for a challenge.
Stop blaming the fact that you’re not in a relationship on you being a nice guy. That’s great if you’re a nice guy and I’m sure one day you’ll be making someone very happy! But there are a lot of single people in the world, a lot of people who try and fail at relationships, and their personalities all differ. The nice guy doesn’t always finish last.
When we think back to being young we often think of the great times. We think about how we were worry free for so long, how life was filled with ignorant bliss and simple happiness. Most of us choose to forget the part of being young that meant being really weird and awkward…
For me, sixth grade was when getting a boyfriend was really important. Not like an actual boyfriend, just someone you called your boyfriend and held hands with and wrote about in your AIM profile – “K.M. ilysm always and forever &<3;“. I know it’s different for kids now, the importance of getting attention from the opposite sex starts at a much younger age and their definition of boyfriend goes way past mine from when I was young. But from sixth grade on, getting attention from boys was a top priority.
Through social media, television, movies, magazines, my friends, my older siblings, etc; I had formed an idea in my mind of what I had to do to get boys to like me. It was really that important and as a lanky (and transitioning into the opposite of lanky) 13 year old girl I thought I needed to be a certain way for boys to like me. The way all of the popular girls got the boys to like them. Looking back, they probably had the same idea as me – they just knew how to execute it better. They also didn’t have braces and a love for Avril Lavigne that was made apparent through clothing choices.
This is something that inflicted my young and naiive self, but still impacts women my age and older to this day. We want to please everyone by trying to imitate what the media portrays as desirable such as being:
As a middle schooler, there had to be some sort of sadness and complexity to me that I could open up about. Even though I was 13 and my main problem was really the fact that my orthodontist was mean to me.
I always see this on the media. Boys just fall in love with the girl that is tripping over her own feet, that always needs to be saved.
The girl that was too loud and overbearing didn’t seem desirable, she had way too much going on for a guy to want to deal with.
4. Skinny/always done up
I think I’ve been wearing make up since the end of 5th grade when I clearly didn’t need it and probably would’ve looked better without the blue eye shadow.
5. Unique but not weird
This was so hard – you had to be different enough from the polo wearing posse to get noticed, but if you were too different you could forget about anyone ever taking you seriously.
Girls to this day – ages 8, 13, 18, 25, 45, and up – still want to be what boys want them to be. They forget their sense of self just because they’re single and aren’t getting a lot of attention.
I still find myself being guilty of it, trying to seem like someone I’m not just to reel someone in for a little while. Self love can be preached every hour of every day, but so many people believe you need someone to love you in order to love yourself. In reality, being yourself is what is going to get boys to like you. At least the ones that matter.
In middle school, having a boyfriend was the only thing that was important. You’re in your awkward phase and just need someone to tell you you’re pretty. You’re still forming friendships and you need someone who is a constant. Your favorite emo songs sing about heartbreak and falling in love and you want to be able to relate. The books you read end with happiness and holding hands and you want to hold hands too. The reality shows on television show so much drama, but love always prevails and you want to prevail, too.
We never grow out of that middle school self.
We still need to be told we’re pretty, friends still come and go, we sing the songs at pregames, read the books on casual evenings, and watch the reality tv on hungover afternoons.
We saw it as a problem solver – being in a relationship guarantees that someone will be there for you at all times no matter what. It’s hard to rely on anyone else, that’s what having a boyfriend or girlfriend is for.
As more problems occur in your adult life, you become more and more convinced that not having anyone to love you is the number one problem. Failing your classes because you have no one to study with. Not getting a job because you have no one to push you. Getting too drunk because you had no one to stay in with.
It all connects to not having a person.
If you think a relationship will fix your problems, you’re very off base. Sure, it will soften some of the blows that life throws at you, but a relationship is just a temporary fix.
Find friends that will stay by your side. Mend relations with your family so you can always fall back on them. Most importantly, be able to rely on yourself. Push yourself and monitor yourself – because despite what you may think, no one will ever know you as well as you know yourself. Be your own driving force.
Who doesn’t like to win? We are wired to be the best we can be and it’s a very disrupting feeling to know you’re coming in second to someone – especially in relationships.
It’s a hookup culture, we know that a lot of people are hooking up with more than one person at a time. We accept it, because we’re probably doing it too. What hurts is knowing you are not someone’s number one choice.
You could get cheated on. You could be the person being held on the back burner while the person you like is in a relationship. You could be the second option when it comes to a booty call. You could be the afterthought.
All of these things and more will make you believe that you are second best. If you get cheated on, you’ll believe it’s because someone else is better than you. Someone made a greater offer, was prettier, or smarter – just overall better than you.
You could be held on the back burner, even participate in someone’s cheating in their relationship. But if you were the one they wanted to be with, you would be. There’s obviously someone else who means more.
You probably know when you’re hooking up with someone if they are also hooking up with other people. You’re not the first call, there was someone more worthy than you. But you were just more available.
Overall, it sucks to be the second option – so don’t make yourself the second option. If your crush wants someone else, let them have it. Don’t be the rag doll to be picked up and played with sporadically. It may make you feel good for a while – to have your first choice pick you first for once too – but it will only make you feel worse in the end. You’ll never come in first to these people, at least not morally. Come first in your own life and find someone who will always make you feel like you’ve won.