10 Things I Never Knew I Needed In A Boyfriend

I was very independent before getting in a relationship and didn’t think I’d become so dependent when I got into one. But it’s not dependence in a bad way, it’s dependence in the way that now I have someone to help, someone to lean on, and someone to be there for me. I didn’t know I needed all these things until I had them. Here are 10 things I never knew I needed in a boyfriend:

  1. Someone who lets me win sometimes, but not all the time.
  2. Someone to take care of me.
  3. Someone who might not necessarily find joy in all the things I like to do, but will come with me and pretend to enjoy them anyway.
  4. Someone who will put my success and future first when the time is right.
  5. Someone who is more fearless than me, because I’m a chicken who likes to make big plans with no execution.
  6. Someone who will squash the bugs, open the jars, and make me lunch when I’m too tired.
  7. Someone who is willing to put in an equal amount of work, if not more.
  8. Someone who sees right through my mood swings.
  9. Someone who would do anything for me, but can still take care of themselves.
  10. Someone who is there, all the time, but you still miss when they leave for an hour.
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Missing Being Single And Missing Being In A Relationship

You always want what you can’t have, right? That seems to ring especially true when it comes to relationships. You want the person who doesn’t want you or you want to be single again or you want to be in a relationship again.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to miss being single from time to time. New love is exciting and when you’re single, you can find as much new love as you want. You can go on first dates and get butterflies, you can openly meet new people and get your flirt on at the bar, and you can be fiercely independent. It’s those winces of feelings you remember from the old days that make you miss being single.

And they also make you forget any bad thing that was associated with being single. Those good feelings make you forget how terrible dating can be, how lonely being alone can be, or how frustrating trying to find someone can be.

Because when you’re single, you’re going to miss being in a relationship. And it’s not easy to find someone that you get along with or enjoy spending all your time with. Sure, being single can be fun. But being in a relationship offers warmth, comfort, and someone to depend on. You always have a buddy to do something with. It’s those winces of feelings from the old days that make you miss being in a relationship.

It’s natural to miss both sides because both bring something to the table. The most important piece of advice I can offer, though, is being happy with what you have. If you’re happy being single, then be that. If you’re happy in your relationship, then stay there. Don’t throw away a good thing based off of misconstrued memories.

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The Courage It Takes To End A Relationship

When break ups happen, I think the person who did the breaking up is often overlooked. The person who got broken up with must be so shattered, must need tons of support – but, no one stops to think about how hard it really is to break up with someone.

It takes a lot of courage to end something that has been so important to you. To cut ties with someone you loved, someone whose family has become your family, someone who knows everything about you. It takes courage to flip your life upside down because even though you’re not happy in the relationship, how do you know you’ll be happy outside the relationship?

And while it’s hard to get broken up with, it’s so hard to smash the heart of someone you care so deeply about. For a lot of people, it’s hard to be selfish and put yourself first and realize that the relationship isn’t making you happy anymore.

A lot of people would rather stay in a bad relationship forever than go through all that. They’d rather just settle than face the confrontation. I can’t blame them, especially if it’s just a fizzled relationship. Where there’s no reason to leave, but there’s also really no reason to stay.

I think it takes courage to end a relationship and start over. I admire the people who take this huge step because I know it could not have been an easy one for them. And I hope that everyone has enough self-awareness to get themselves out of something that’s making them unhappy.

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Mid-relationship Crisis

A mid-life crisis is an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. So I think that would make a mid-relationship crisis an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early mid-relationship.

And shout out to whoever googled the term “mid-relationship crisis” and somehow got to my blog and inspired this blog idea.

I think it’s very easy to have an identity crisis in a relationship. Before I started dating my current boyfriend, I had been single for years and even living by myself. I had become very independent, which isn’t quite like me, but I enjoyed it. But then we started dating and mostly everything became about us.

It’s not a bad thing to invest your time and emotions in someone else and of course the beginning of a relationship will be so happy and sweet you won’t want to tear yourself away from it. But as the relationship progresses, you may begin to lose your independence. You may be giving up parts of yourself and you might not even notice. And these things are mostly because you allowed yourself to do it, not because your partner forced you to.

All of a sudden, you realize you barely see or talk to your friends anymore because your significant other kind of satisfies the role of a friend. And you stop making the gym and eating healthy a priority because it’s so fun to come home and chill on the couch with snacks and your boyfriend. You stop putting in a lot of effort towards how you look because you see the same people every day anyway, why does it matter?

They are little things that can build up and cause an identity crisis which can cause a mid-relationship crisis and make you think you need to call it quits for everything in your life to be better again. But that’s not always the case.

You can be independent in a relationship and even if you lose it for a little while, you can always get it back. Everyone at some point freaks out about their relationship whether it’s the commitment, longevity, fear of losing someone, etc. Assess your own happiness and decide whether this crisis really needs drastic measures or just a step back into your old comfort zone.

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I Don’t Believe In Soulmates

My high school boyfriend and I once laid in the grass on a baseball field at night looking up at the stars and he told me I was his soulmate…..gag.

I don’t believe in there being only one person out there for you. That there is one person that your soul is destined for and you better find them or you’re just screwed.

I am very happy in the relationship I’m in, but if for some reason we broke up, I’d be able to move on. I could get someone to date me – but they might not necessarily be right for me.

Because what are the chances that my soulmate was waiting for me right here in New Jersey where I’ve been here all along? That out of allllll the people in the world, your soulmate was just right in front of you at your gym, your college, your high school. There are so many people in the world, so many people that could be a good potential match for you.

But if you find someone you like, who you have common interests with, who treats you right and is in the right place at the right time – you can make them your soulmate. The gods didn’t put you together, there is no invisible string in the universe that attaches you. We make it work with the people that work. Timing, effort, and compatibility are extremely important when it comes to the person you’re going to spend your life with. It’s not fate, you just met someone who you enjoy spending time with and you fought to stay with them.

I don’t believe in soulmates, but I believe in love. I believe that if it’s meant to be, it will be and if it doesn’t work out, there’s probably a good reason for it. Do you believe in soulmates?

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What It Really Means To Love Someone

I will first start out by saying, everyone loves differently. So I can’t speak for everyone, but I can try to speak generically.

Loving someone doesn’t mean saying “I love you” every morning, evening, and night. It doesn’t mean spending all your free time together and thinking about them every minute of the day. It doesn’t mean falling asleep in each other’s arms or getting them the most extravagant gift for your anniversary.

If some of those things apply to you, that’s all nice and good.

But loving someone means not being that grossed out by all their gross habits. It means thanking them for going the extra mile for you when you’re tired after a long day at work. It means thinking of them a few times a day and being able to go a few days without them, but being so happy when they finally come home. It’s about sacrificing time in your day to pick up the groceries so they don’t have to or walking the dog in the morning so they can sleep a little longer.

Loving someone is about constant care, work, effort, and appreciation. It’s not about getting the perfect photo for Instagram and explaining to everyone why you both love each other SO much. While everyone loves each other differently, loving someone rarely means the things you can see from the outside. It’s everything inside that goes unnoticed by everyone except you two.

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