Friendships in Your 20’s

One thing no one prepared me for was how different friendships become after you leave college. In college, you live with your best friends. You eat with them, go everywhere with them, you rely on them like family. Then *poof* graduation comes and you all have to separate.

It’s hard to get on the same schedule after that. It’s hard to see each other, make commitments to each other, and stay in touch. It’s hard to keep that family type of feeling alive because you’re relying on other people now.

It kind of feels like things start to fall apart because you were so used to knowing everything about someone and now you only get to see them once a month. Friend dynamics change. You make new ones, old ones fall off the map, and some friendships start to take priority over others.

Effort is required on both ends to keep a friendship going and it’s frustrating when you don’t live near each other and more effort is being put in on one side and none on the other. I think friendships in your 20’s means sometimes we just have friends who are there for a good time, not the hard times. And we can’t put all our care into those friendships anymore.

It’s fine to keep those people around for the good times, but we can’t get upset when they don’t reciprocate the care we show. Then there truly are friends who are in it for the long haul. Friends who you only see once every 3 months, only text once a month, who you can still turn to at the end of a long day even though it feels like you’ve been strangers for a while.

Friendships in your 20’s is all about putting yourself and those who care first and leaving the rest as a secondary thought. We’re growing up, we can’t put all our time and energy into people who don’t do the same for us. It’s sad, but it’s time to move on.

Capture
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/emilio_k/

A Recap Of The Places I’ve Lived In My Twenties

I think I am the exception to most people my age, but since graduating college I will have lived in 5 different places. I graduated at 22 and am now 24 to put things in context for you. That’s 5 places in 2 and a half years and you can bet they were all life lessons.

When I graduated from college, I convinced my parents to let me stay at the house I’d been living in the past two years of college because I got an internship sort of nearby. College campuses in the summer are a whole new type of weird I can’t even explain and they are also very empty. I spent a lot of time living between different houses and traveling a long ways to work. When the internship ended, I moved home and got a job there.

Living at home is definitely something I know a lot of people can relate to. It’s like you automatically revert back  to your 16 year old self when living with your parents. My parents had moved out of my childhood home when I was in college, so this was pretty strange for me. I didn’t really have my own room that was truly mine with any space for my stuff. I saved a lot of money, but my job was very basic and my parents were driving me nuts. So 6 months after I moved in, I got a new job and moved out.

I was in a rush and on a deadline, so I moved into a house with 3 other roommates. They were all strangers and they continued to be strangers the 10 months I lived there. I’m not very outgoing and everyone was on different schedules and were different ages. I spent most of the time in my room or tip toeing to the bathroom and kitchen. I really thought it was going to be super temporary, but I stayed there for almost a year until it became just too weird for me.

So, I moved out again. This time into a single apartment with a small kitchenette attached to the living room. I was paying for everything myself so I didn’t buy cable/wifi and I also didn’t have a freezer or oven. I’m coming up on a year at this apartment and it’s kind of amazing that I lived without things that a lot of people consider necessities. While I loved the apartment, it was time to take a next step and move in with my boyfriend.

In a few weeks we’ll be moving into a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment with a loft that I’m obsessed with. After this, I really hope to stay put for a while because anyone who has moved a lot knows that moving in and out is not fun. At all.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hmoong/

My Millennial Work Ethic

The stereotypical millennial is lazy, entitled, ruining relationships, and most of the things that were built for us. This stereotype mostly comes from the fact that we do things differently than our parents.

I went to college, got an internship when I graduated, got a job then got a better job. Not exactly what I call lazy. I started paying off my stereotypical millennial student loans and immersed myself into the 9-5 culture.

And it’s not easy for me. It’s not easy to work 5 out of the 7 days a week, to work for most of your life, to make your job your (basically) number one priority. It’s not easy for me to wake up early in the morning then work nonstop until it’s time to go. You don’t go at your own pace, there is a schedule and rules and you are supposed to follow them.

So in some ways, I’m the stereotypical millennial who wants to make their own schedule and work from my bed. Is it realistic? No, but a girl can dream!

Just because we dream, doesn’t mean we’re lazy. And it doesn’t mean all of us have the same dream. I know many people who thrive in a pressured 9-5 environment, but I’m just a stereotypical millennial when it comes to this!

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/149902454@N08/

Why Be Anything But Nice?

I will be the first to admit that most of my life was spent not  being a nice person. I think I tried to be a good person when I was young, but was quickly walked all over in middle school and high school. So I tried being bitchy and it seemed to work better for me.

It kept people out of my life and at arm’s length, it kept me safe and protected, but it was a lot of effort. It was hard to consistently be meanish to people, not because I was denying my nature to be nice, but because you have to be tough all the time and keep up this image that shows people that you don’t want to be bothered. It was like a game, you can’t catch me because I’m dark and edgy and I don’t like you.

Right after I graduated college, I just realized it’s easier to be nice to everyone. You can still keep them at arm’s length, but in a way that you could reach out if you needed to. Back when I wasn’t nice at first glance, people were always disappointed when the can’t catch me girl was caught and wasn’t as dangerous as they thought. I felt like I was never living up to anything and was just over the trend of people not liking me. Who wants to be disliked? Why was I ever that way?

I watched this video on Facebook the other day about a woman who was fat shamed at a Dairy Queen. It absolutely killed me.

I have been working very hard to help build up the people in this world who have been torn down by media, society, and just the pressures of being human. Because I feel all of those things too and I need someone to build me up too.  Everyone is fabulous in their own way. I used to get jealous and spiteful when a girl looked better than me, now I’m like damnnnn girl, rock it! If you look hot, I’m going to tell you that you look hot even if I don’t know you.

Because why not? Being mean wasn’t easy, it bogged me down. I think we need to stop striving to be this elusive boss ass bitch and just be nice. You can still be powerful and kind.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ivanatm/

How I Made 2016 My Best Year Yet

In 2015, I graduated college and my life changed. And no matter who you are or how old you are, there is usually something that happens during the year that changes you and forces you to adjust.

I was going on Bumble dates and hating it. Living with my parents and hating it. Becoming a loner and hating it. I was slipping back to a place that I thought I had left behind, a dark place that had taken me a while just to see some cracks of light.

And that’s when I decided I was going to make 2016 my best year ever.

I made a list of things that had to change. I needed to manage my anxiety better. I had to stop letting people who barely meant anything to me (like my one time Bumble dates) affect my well being. I had to cut people out. I had to add people in. I needed to find adventure, a better job, a place to live, and I needed to find happiness.

I found happiness in 2016 just by working on myself. And I worked hard.

I got in better shape. I bought a journal and began managing my anxiety by writing in it, as well as taking time to decompress, color, and listen to new music. I stopped going on shitty Bumble dates and deleted my dating apps that only gave me a fake sense of satisfaction for a short amount of time. I worked hard and found a job I love. I saved up and found a place to live. I booked trip after trip and made time for only the friends and family that counted.

For the first time in two years, I was genuinely happy and proud of myself. And with my self satisfaction came everything else that I felt I had been missing. Like a relationship, adventures, and just an overall glow of positivity.

I made 2016 my best year yet by putting myself first and letting everything else follow. I dove head first with a positive attitude, the will to change, and the eagerness to succeed. I have no doubts in my mind that if I continue into 2017 with this same mindset, it will be just as great.

Set goals and smash them. Seek positivity and hold on to it. Better yourself and the rest will follow. You will truly have a happy new year.

 

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/amandasphotographs/

Why I Didn’t Miss College After Graduation

College was the best four years of my life, hands down. I hated high school and turned it all around in college.

But four years was really all I needed.

In some ways, college felt short. As I put on my graduation cap, it felt like I had just moved into a dorm I hated with a failing relationship nipping at my heels. As I walked to the ceremony with my friends, it felt like I had just been trying to crack open my shell and form those relationships I had heard everyone talking about. As I grabbed my diploma, it felt like I had just been getting lost on my way to class yesterday.

In other ways, college felt long. Because I met a lot of people that were great, but also a lot of people that were awful. I had a great education, but also some very useless classes at very early times. I had learned a lot about myself, but I had learned it the hard way.

In four years, I explored every aspect of myself. I did everything I needed to do to find out who I truly am. It took a lot of time, it took a lot of heart break, a lot of tears and fights. It included a lot of drama that was unnecessary and a lot of long late night talks that were.

When I graduated college, I was happy. I wasn’t sad to leave behind the university that taught me so much. Or the sorority that raised me. Or the professors that guided me.

Of course I would miss living with my best friends when I moved in with my parents. And I would definitely miss sleeping in or even sleeping all day without a care in the world. I would miss having less responsibilities and the ability to have fun all the time – but it’s more nostalgia than it is sadness. It was a good time, but now it’s over. Now it’s time to have different good times.

I dove head first into postgrad life and I couldn’t be happier. I shed my college self skin and found a version of myself that makes me truly happy. I still learn a lot, I still have great friends, and I still sleep in on the weekends. I appreciate everything college gave me, but I don’t miss it at all. You can’t if you look at your new life with positivity, if you give the postgrad life a chance and learn to live it up in a different way. It’s a whole new world waiting for you to explore it.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sjungling/

Long Distance Friendships With The Airtime App!

Ever since I graduated college, it seems like my friends are always so far away. When I basically lived in the same room as them for two years – it’s hard to make the adjustment to seeing them only once a month as opposed to once an hour.

I recently discovered an app called Airtime that helps to ease the distance between friends. Unlike Facetime, you can video chat with multiple friends at a time on Airtime. You can also sync up a playlist! Anyone who knows me knows I love my music and I love the pregame before the party. Now, even if I’m not in the same area or going to the same party as my friends, we can video chat and pregame and listen to the same music!

My current playlist includes:

  1. Drops of Jupiter by Train
  2. White Houses by Vanessa Carlton
  3. Wannabe by The Spice Girls
  4. Come On from the Josie and the Pussycats Soundtrack
  5. Hit Me Baby One More Time by Britney Spears
  6. Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes
  7. (Cover) Wrecking Ball by Our Last Night
  8. Sk8r Boi by Avril Lavigne
  9. (Cover) Boys of Summer by The Ataris
  10. The Rock Show by Blink 182

I LOVE throwbacks and I especially love jamming out to them with my friends! Let me know in the comments your favorite girl’s night out songs!

hc