A Letter To My 29 Year Old Self

Dear 29 year old self,

You’re probably thinking what I’m thinking now – why 29? Why not my 30 year old self?

I think at 30 we’ll be ready to face a new chapter and age range. 29 seems like the time I’ll be freaking tf out about officially being old.

Writing this is really putting time into perspective for me. It wasn’t long ago when I wrote a letter to my 25 year old self and here I am, a few days away from 25.

Now is the time where I’m really accepting that I’m not “postgrad” anymore, I’m a full fledged adult. So I can’t imagine what will be going through my mind in four years or where I’ll be.

I will say that I know, yes, I am positive, that I will still be thriving. And I’m proud of the steps you’ve made. Whether you branched off to do something else that makes you happy or are continuing down the same path. I have a feeling things will be a lot like they are right now, only with more amazing experiences under your belt.

Please, if you’re not happy, make the changes now. You put in your work in your 20’s. It’s time to do what’s right for you.

And always remember that while the day to day can seem stressful and mundane, you HAVE to step back and look at the big picture. People love you, you have so much to live for, keep going and keep climbing the mountains to a better you.

22 year old me was wildly unsure about life, 25 year old me is almost too comfortable with where I am. You’ll never truly be happy, but live life as best you can. Time will just keep going by fast. Enjoy it. Stop hating your body and punishing yourself for things out of your control. You are enough.

Happy birthday, 29 year old self. Here’s to many more!

Love,

Me

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Do People Change?

I often see the worst in people. So when someone tells me they will change, I barely believe them. This is partly because I don’t want to be disappointed and partly because most of the time, they don’t change.

I think there are the parts of us that make us who we are and those are the parts no one should ever ask you to change. Whether it be your friends, a significant other, or family. They can’t ask you to change, but they shouldn’t be forced to deal with something they don’t like. So you can try to change for your significant other or you can let the relationship go.

If you’re asking someone to change and they’re unwilling or can’t see why they need to change, then it will never happen. You’re putting all your eggs in a basket that’s ready to fall apart.

If they can see the change that needs to be made, they may have a greater chance at actually making that change. But most of the time, relationship problems come from the core of someone. It comes from a part of their personality that has been there for years, something that is deep rooted. Can people really change those parts of themselves?

It all depends on your want or need to change and the recognition of the problem. I’m sure people can change, I just rarely see it.

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Post Travel Blues

On the last day of my trip, there is always a little bit of excitement. I’m excited to sleep in my own bed again, have access to all of my things, see my friends and family. But as I sit in traffic on the last leg of the trip home, I overwhelmingly feel dread.

Traveling is such an amazing experience. To me, it is all about experiencing new cultures and places. To me, it’s about finding new places that I could potentially call home one day. Some trips leave me with less dread than others, some locations could just simply never be home. But the ones I get emotionally attached to are so hard to leave.

Because I’m leaving them to come home to a place I’m not exactly thrilled about. And I’m immediately thrown back into the real world of bills, work, and mediocrity. Traveling doesn’t always feel like a vacation where I can put my butt in the sand and not move for 5 days and come home feeling relaxed. But it is always a vacation from real life.

The post travel blues hit me hard for a couple of days, it’s like jet lag, and then eventually I adjust. Then I begin counting down the days until I can put that out of office up again and feel free for a while. That’s what paid time off is for, right?

hc
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Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Sometimes the only way to do the things that need to get done to be happy is by stepping out of your comfort zone. And I don’t think we often think about that as a way to happiness. Because I know for me, stepping out of my comfort zone gives me anxiety and makes me feel absolutely horrible. But the reward for doing so could be the happiness I’m missing.

There are so many things that we don’t do, but kind of want to do, because it doesn’t feel comfortable to us. We don’t go places alone, we don’t try new foods, we don’t go new places. Because we’re afraid of being alone, uneasy about eating something weird, and scared of being somewhere unfamiliar.

But if you have no one to go with to see your favorite band, will you go alone or not go at all? Are you missing out on something that will potentially be fun, your new favorite place, your new favorite food, or hobby?

Even if it’s a little painful, sometimes we have to take the risks to get the reward. Sometimes you have to force and claw your way out of your comfort zone, because you might find happiness there.

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Accepting The Past

I feel like I have been through so many versions of myself. I was once shy, cold, and moody in high school. I was a push-over and boyfriend obsessed my first half of college. I was reckless and couldn’t be caught when I graduated college. And now I am settled, finding new parts of myself, and trying to fit in the old parts.

But the old parts make me cringe. Parts of my life that I used to be so fond of now seem so embarrassing. I have a hard time accepting my past, so I try to just repress the memories. Some of them were good, some were bad, but my over-thinking self really only remembers the times when I felt the worst.

Accepting the past is hard because dwelling on mistakes is easy. Even though I’ve moved on in life and those experiences got me to where I was, I still kind of wish they never happened.

I drank too much sometimes, kissed the wrong guys in the wrong places at the wrong time. I turned down opportunities to make other people happy. I held on to friends who were never good to me. And it all still hurts like fresh wounds when I let the thoughts creep back.

How do I accept the past when the bad times simply blind me? I want to enjoy the life I’ve lived, not regret it.

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I Don’t Understand Satisfied People

I always want change. I want to go places, do things and keep the ball rolling. I want to know a majority of what life has to offer. I don’t want to settle down, the thought of getting married and buying a house and dedicating myself to one thing for a long time is simply terrifying,

And I don’t understand people who are just satisfied. People who have a couple of kids, buy a house, and intend to stay there for 20 years. People who work at the same job their whole life. People who don’t use up their PTO or use it to go to the same place they’ve been 100 times before.

In a way, I wish I could be satisfied. I’m sure it’s easier when it comes to decision making and just in general finding happiness. But I just don’t understand people who settle down and don’t see any problem with it. Do they not get jealous of the people who are all over the world, the people who aren’t tied down?

I could just get back from an awesome trip and scroll through my Instagram feed and get antsy all over again. I just want more and while I’m happy for anyone who is happy, I just don’t get satisfied people.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/dotbenjamin/

When Is It Okay To Be Selfish?

When I was single, I decided that I was tired of being screwed over by putting other people first and getting nothing back. I decided that I needed to find my happiness alone and it wasn’t fair when people tried to get in the way and hinder that happiness. I decided to be selfish.

And it worked out so well for me. I became a healthier and happier person and didn’t let anyone get in my way. It was a couple of the best years of my life.

But now that I’m in a relationship, it doesn’t seem okay to be selfish anymore. Because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can for them and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself. But is that okay?

Or can we still be a little selfish. In the end, should we always put ourselves first? I feel like we should because when it comes down to it all, all we really have that is 100% guaranteed is ourselves. But then we feel bad for being this way. And how can you even be selfish when all you feel is guilty?

When you’re in a relationship, is it still okay to be as selfish as you were when you were single or should you really sacrifice some of your happiness for someone else’s?

hc
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