Being In Love Vs. Being Comfortable

Relationships are hard for a number of reasons. They involve two people, each who has their own thoughts, feelings, and complicated structure. Two people that are trying to melt their lives into one. To have one set of thoughts, feelings, and one single complicated structure.

Sometimes it can be hard to find the person that’s right for you. Sometimes it can be so easy to fall in love. But the beginning of a relationship is rarely the hard part – the months and years and rest of your life that follows is the hard part.

You have to be so self aware. You have to constantly know how you’re feeling and how to talk about it so it doesn’t get in the way of anything. When you lose your self awareness and settle into the relationship bed you’ve made, problems can’t be identified anymore. You can’t see happiness or sadness or jealousy or rage. You just see your relationship and it is what it is.

Are you still in love or are you just comfortable? Sure, you can’t picture your life without him but that’s only because you’ve spent so much time with him. Because you have structured your life around another person and have become painfully unaware of your own feelings.

Do you stick out the fights, the jealousy, the unhappiness because you’re in love? Love does not have to be pain, in fact it should be the one thing that makes you feel better when it’s recipricoted.

This relationship may be your norm now, but it wasn’t always this way. And if you step back and take a good hard look at your feelings and your relationship, you’ll be able to see if it’s worth fighting for. You’ll be able to see if you’re in love or just comfortable.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/f_lynx/

 

 

I Can’t Blame Anyone But Myself

After a break up, you want to blame everyone else but yourself. You want to blame the girl he cheated on you with. You want to blame your family for not telling you sooner that he sucked. You want to blame your friends for not pulling you away. You want to blame him for the person that he is.

But in the end, when all is said and done, I really can’t blame anyone but myself. I can’t blame anyone else for the way I began to change to fit the mold of my relationship. The way I stopped caring about myself, the way I made the world spin around this “perfect love.”

I can’t blame the girl he cheated on me with, she’s just another victim to his tricks. And I can’t blame my friends and family because we all know I just wouldn’t listen.

I can’t blame him for what he did to me. Because I let him cause me that pain. I let someone treat me like dirt. I let the relationship consume me to the point where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I’m not someone who likes to fight, I’m not someone who wants drama, I’m not someone who dedicates their entire life and soul to someone else. I can’t blame anyone but myself for becoming that person.

It’s true you brought out the worst in me and it’s true you treated me poorly – but I can’t blame anyone but myself.

And in that sense, I owe everything to myself. Because I am stronger, better, more aware. I moved on from those past relationships and became the person I wanted to be again.

I owe a lot to my family, I owe a lot to my friends, I owe a lot to the people that broke me down so far that I had to pick myself up again. Mostly I owe it all to myself. I did it, I recovered, and I am better.

And while I can’t blame anyone but myself, I also can praise myself. And congratulate myself. And be proud of myself. Because when people knock you down, you can pick yourself up eventually and that’s all that really matters. That you keep moving forward.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gabrielap93/

Why New Love Is Terrifying

Are you dating? Are you in a new relationship? Are you scared? You should be.

There are different types of fears you face when you’re falling into a new love.

There’s the fear of getting your heart broken again. This fear will paralyze you, could possibly stop the whole relationship in its tracks because you’re so scared of feeling that hurt again.

There’s the fear of the unknown. Where are you going to go from here? Will I screw it up? Will someone else screw it up? Will we get married?

There’s the fear of this overwhelming feeling. Love is such a consuming addiction, the feeling of being so head over heels for someone is scary.

There’s the fear of hurting someone. Of not living up to their expectations or not being able to make it work the way they want.

New love is terrifying, but it’s okay. With that fear comes a whole world of excitement. You have to trust people, you have to trust yourself. Because even though you’re terrified, you’re one step closer to happiness with someone else.

Your head is scared, your heart is not. If you don’t do the things that scare you, you’ll be missing out on a lot of things in life. A lot of things that could potentially make you happy.

Give it a shot. Your heart might get broken again, you might not live up to expectations, you might be lost in the dark, or totally overwhelmed. But all of those lessons will help you in life – whether the love ends up being positive or negative. Trust the feeling and go where life takes you, dive into love despite the fear.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sugarhiccuphiccup/

When A New Relationship Reminds You Of An Old One

No two relationships are exactly the same. But it is possible that similar feelings will bubble up. That falling in love will seem familiar. It’s possible that you’ll get into the same fights you’ve gotten in before or feel hurt just like you did before.

That doesn’t mean your new relationship is exactly like your old one.

Most relationships have patterns. We all end up fighting over the same things or feeling the same butterflies in our stomach. But it can be pretty scary when a new relationship is reminding you of an old one.

Because you don’t want to fall back into the pattern of your last failed relationship. And you can see the similarities. You see the obsessiveness of love and the addiction of comfort. You see yourself feeling the same way and getting your heart broken the same way.

But no two relationships are exactly the same.

It’s good to remember past relationships because you learn from them. It’s great to be a little weary because you won’t make the same mistakes again.

Chances are, those butterflies in your stomach are a good sign. Sure, you remember them from your last relationship. But that was during a good part of your last relationship.

And chances are, that fight you’re having is so trivial. Every couple has that fight.

Just because your new relationship is reminiscent of your old one does not mean it’s going to pan out the same way. Embrace the memories and learn from them.  If the abusive or destructive patterns of your past arise, you now know to back off from this new relationship. But there will always be some sort of familiarity if you’re falling in love again, a familiarity of being happy.

No two relationships are exactly the same, don’t compare your new one to your old one.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mislav-marohnic/

Getting Hurt vs. Hurting Someone

No one wants to get hurt. No one wants to put their heart on the line when there’s a possibility of it getting smashed. Unanimously, we can all agree that we do not want our hearts broken.

But when it comes to breaking someone else’s heart, there is so much less thought put into it. We are so concerned with protecting ourselves that we forget that there are other people who matter.

And while most people fear getting hurt, I fear hurting someone. I think I’ve felt heartbreak hard enough that it doesn’t bother me anymore. I put my love slowly into situations, I’ve learned how to escape without any cuts or bruises. But the thought of emotionally hurting someone else is terrifying to me. I don’t just tip toe into relationships for myself, but I do it for my partner.

Because if you’ve ever been on the giving side of a break up, you know that it sucks. You never wanted to let someone down. You feel like you’re letting yourself down.

So when the next possibility of a relationship arrives, you don’t want to let them down either. You keep your guard up, in hopes that they’ll keep their guard up too. Because if you don’t let them in all the way, maybe you won’t disappoint them. Maybe you won’t emotionally hurt them, too.

To the point where you would rather feel heartbreak all over again than feel yourself breaking someone’s heart. Getting hurt is never fun, but hurting someone else is a whole other feeling.

hc
photo by https://www.flickr.com/photos/dpangandoyon/