Why I Don’t Care

I know how to make decisions.  I know how to end things when they are going badly and I know how to determine what is making me happy and what is not.

Sometimes, though, those decisions are made and some time will pass. That “goodbye” gets twisted up into a bunch of nostalgic feelings that make me want to say “hello” again.  I’ll dip my toes back in the pool, only to get a harsh and cold reminder as to why I left in the first place.

I get moments of caring, but for the most part I don’t care anymore.

The reasoning behind not caring about past relationships falls on the fact that I was either hurt by someone else or I realized I was hurting myself too much or hurting someone else.  It makes it easy to let go of things when they cause more pain than love.

When I see your pictures, even though I miss you, I just feel disgust.  When I think of our time together, even though it was fun, I only feel embarrassment. When I see your friends out and about, even though we used to be friends too, I only feel shame. When I think about rekindling an old flame, I only feel pain – and that’s why I don’t care.

I don’t care if you have a new girlfriend or if you’re having more fun without me.  I don’t care if you cheated on me or said awful things about me.  I don’t care if you yelled at me or I screamed at you. I don’t care because it’s easier not to care than to feel heartbreak all over again.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/

Saying Goodbye

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/deanaia/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/deanaia/

It’s always a little sad when you’re leaving what you’re used to in order to move on to better things. I graduate tomorrow, and as sad as I am that I won’t be living with my best friends anymore and that I’m losing the ability to freely sleep until 2 p.m., there are plenty of things I am happy to say goodbye to. Simply because, it’s just time to let go.

I don’t like to say goodbye more than once. If I’m ending something, I mean it.  Even if I end up regretting the decision and I go back to a relationship or friendship I’ve ended – it’ll always inevitably end in another goodbye.

It’s time to let go of bad blood, of things that have been holding you back, of things that negatively affect your mind. Graduation may be considered a new chapter, but I don’t intend on writing about the same characters anymore.  I definitely won’t be repeating any plots.

I’m saying goodbye to the boys that I subtweeted because they annoyed me at the bar, with their Instagrams of other girls, with their constant need to have their problems come before mine.

I’m saying goodbye to the mornings I woke up feeling like death and regretting acting like a drunken fool the night before. It was fun for a short while, but that time is up.

I’m saying goodbye to the friends that caused more worries than laughter. The ones that were never really your friend, but were a good time to have around nonetheless.

And I’m saying hello to all of the new opportunities ahead and all of the new people I have yet to meet!