Accepting The Past

I feel like I have been through so many versions of myself. I was once shy, cold, and moody in high school. I was a push-over and boyfriend obsessed my first half of college. I was reckless and couldn’t be caught when I graduated college. And now I am settled, finding new parts of myself, and trying to fit in the old parts.

But the old parts make me cringe. Parts of my life that I used to be so fond of now seem so embarrassing. I have a hard time accepting my past, so I try to just repress the memories. Some of them were good, some were bad, but my over-thinking self really only remembers the times when I felt the worst.

Accepting the past is hard because dwelling on mistakes is easy. Even though I’ve moved on in life and those experiences got me to where I was, I still kind of wish they never happened.

I drank too much sometimes, kissed the wrong guys in the wrong places at the wrong time. I turned down opportunities to make other people happy. I held on to friends who were never good to me. And it all still hurts like fresh wounds when I let the thoughts creep back.

How do I accept the past when the bad times simply blind me? I want to enjoy the life I’ve lived, not regret it.

Capture
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ifeel_infinite/

The Hookup On: 2,000 WordPress Followers and Q&A

I’m so excited to announce that after many months of being on my list of goals, I finally reached 2,000 followers here on WordPress!

I don’t think I thank this community enough for being such an amazing platform  that offers me different points of view, advice, and even agrees with me when I’m not sure if what I’m saying is agreeable. Thank you all so much.

To all my new and old followers, I’d love to do a little Q&A for you to get to know me better. You can always check out my about me or this old Q&A I did a while ago. But I want to give everyone the opportunity to ask any questions that might pop up when they’re reading my blog.

Please drop a question below and I will write a post in the next week with all of my answers ☺️

How I Accidentally Stopped Having Fun

When I was in high school, if you asked me what I did for fun I could name a few things. I liked reading, writing, going to concerts, and hanging out with some of my friends. If you asked me what I did for fun in college I would say I like getting drunk with my best friends, I like writing, I like meeting new people.

If you asked me now, I think I would struggle a little bit. Because I still love going to concerts and seeing my friends. But I’m not too keen on alcohol anymore. I like going new places and I like writing, but both almost feel like a job to me now. My passion projects have turned into work.

I accidentally forgot to have fun because things have become so different after I’ve spent a few years out of college – I don’t know what to define as fun anymore.

I’ve picked up a few things that I like doing. I like knitting/crocheting and cross-stitching (even though I’m not great at it). I am trying to pick up reading again. And I’m trying to find joy in writing and traveling again.

There’s a lot of pressure when you work 5 days a week to make the most of the time you’re not actually working. I didn’t think it was possible, but there is a pressure to have fun that makes having fun not fun.

So I’ve taken a step back, again, to draw a very very very thick line between work and play. I need to go with the flow and just learn to have fun again.

Capture
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mottram/

When Is It Okay To Be Selfish?

When I was single, I decided that I was tired of being screwed over by putting other people first and getting nothing back. I decided that I needed to find my happiness alone and it wasn’t fair when people tried to get in the way and hinder that happiness. I decided to be selfish.

And it worked out so well for me. I became a healthier and happier person and didn’t let anyone get in my way. It was a couple of the best years of my life.

But now that I’m in a relationship, it doesn’t seem okay to be selfish anymore. Because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can for them and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself. But is that okay?

Or can we still be a little selfish. In the end, should we always put ourselves first? I feel like we should because when it comes down to it all, all we really have that is 100% guaranteed is ourselves. But then we feel bad for being this way. And how can you even be selfish when all you feel is guilty?

When you’re in a relationship, is it still okay to be as selfish as you were when you were single or should you really sacrifice some of your happiness for someone else’s?

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/white_ribbons/

My Millennial Work Ethic

The stereotypical millennial is lazy, entitled, ruining relationships, and most of the things that were built for us. This stereotype mostly comes from the fact that we do things differently than our parents.

I went to college, got an internship when I graduated, got a job then got a better job. Not exactly what I call lazy. I started paying off my stereotypical millennial student loans and immersed myself into the 9-5 culture.

And it’s not easy for me. It’s not easy to work 5 out of the 7 days a week, to work for most of your life, to make your job your (basically) number one priority. It’s not easy for me to wake up early in the morning then work nonstop until it’s time to go. You don’t go at your own pace, there is a schedule and rules and you are supposed to follow them.

So in some ways, I’m the stereotypical millennial who wants to make their own schedule and work from my bed. Is it realistic? No, but a girl can dream!

Just because we dream, doesn’t mean we’re lazy. And it doesn’t mean all of us have the same dream. I know many people who thrive in a pressured 9-5 environment, but I’m just a stereotypical millennial when it comes to this!

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/149902454@N08/

Leaving The Honeymoon Phase

The beginning of a relationship is full of smiles, laughs, and eyes for only each other. There are barely any fights and all you want is to be with each other all the time. It’s the honeymoon phase and though I know some people stay in it forever, most of us leave it behind after a year or so.

I think it’s even possible for one person in the relationship to still be in the phase while the other person has left. It probably causes a lot of turmoil, possibly ends relationships. Because at that point you’re wanting different things and it’s hard to make people budge on where they spend their time and how moon-eyed they are about you.

Realizing you’ve left the honeymoon stage is tough, because now there are bigger things to tackle. Now there are fights, now there is real life in front of you. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies anymore. You’ve been together for a while and it’s potentially the real deal. It’s potentially the time you need to contemplate if this is for you or not.

It can be such a pivotal moment but also a time where most of us relax with courting our partners. Where we give way to life and just go with the flow. When I see you, I’ll see you. Apologies for having to cancel. No more surprises. Two minds that became one start to separate.

Leaving the honeymoon phase is probably one of the hardest parts of a relationship, it’s a true test. All you can do is evaluate where you want to be and who you want to be with and make sure your partner is on the same page. The phase will come in and out over time, you just have to make sure you want to stick around for the next honeymoon.

hc
Photo by: http://www.christiancrush.com/relationships/couples-retreat-denver-co-colorado-springs-co.html

Losing Motivation

Lately, the goals I’ve set for myself have become harder and harder to reach. That could push some into working harder and hungrier to complete their list, but for me it’s just a disappointment.

I know numbers and milestones don’t mean everything in life, but they are a good motivator to always strive to be your best self. When those things don’t budge, it becomes easier to focus on all the things that are wrong rather than the many things that are right.

I’ve always been a big supporter of making goals to keep life interesting, even if it’s just very tiny attainable goals that will boost your ego a bit. And I’ve been making what I thought were attainable goals, but I still can’t seem to hit them. The thought of lowering the standards is depressing on top of the bummer it is that I can’t hit any of my goals in the  first place.

I’m losing motivation and I just need to suck it up and accept the fact that I need to go back to the basics, like I have to do with many things in my life right now. Because once I get into this funk there’s no way I can get out of it just by continuing down the same path. Sometimes we just have to admit defeat and start over, sometimes these experiences can be humbling, but they mostly just suck.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ptooey