I’m about to hit 3,000 followers on WordPress! Hello to all of you, old and new – I’m so happy you’re here! To celebrate, I’d like to do a Q&A for all of you to get to know me. I did one when I reached 2,000 followers a little over a year ago, you can read it here.
Whether it’s about how to grow your blog or instagram, relationship advice, questions for my boyfriend, or questions about me – I’m open to answer any questions to the best of my ability. Drop them here and thank you all so much for your support.
I’ve lived in New Jersey basically my whole life. I was born in another state, lived in another, but that was all before memories really started to form. I grew up in New Jersey, went to college in New Jersey, and built my life here.
And while I love everything about this extremely underrated state, I never wanted to stay here forever. First I wanted to go to college in Canada, then maybe Ireland, then I wanted to move south as quick as I could. But I never did. I stayed. Until now.
Now I’m leaving my home and I don’t think it’s quite hit me yet that everything I know will be a 6 hour drive away when I move to New Hampshire. All of my friends, most of my family, my coworkers, and familiarity will be so far gone. It’s nerve-wracking.
But I’m ready to leave it behind. My adult life has become so busy anyway that I think some distance between me and all of those things will actually make the bond stronger. If the bond becomes weaker, maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.
I think it’s so important to start over somewhere new, to live in new places, to meet new people. Those experiences help shape you into a well-rounded person – it’s part of the reason I travel as much as I can. It makes me a better person. And even though I’m terrible at new things and meeting new people, I at least have to try.
It’s so sad to leave your home, but there is a whole world out there to explore and we owe it to ourselves to experience it.
I’ve never really felt like I fit in. Being quite an introvert and a homebody, I’ve felt myself try to change on many occasions to please other people and to just be accepted.
I’ve tried to be the girl that was too cool for school. The girl that only kept a few friends, hated all her teachers, hated her parents, and just didn’t try very hard. It left me with only a few options for college and no friends after I left for college. I chose to be around the wrong people, so leaving them behind wasn’t hard.
I’ve tried to just fit in. I felt like I was inserting myself into other people’s friendships the first two years of college. Thanks to a couple of great people who helped me along the way, I found a group but had to do everything I could to actually become a member of that group. I felt lost, felt like I was being pulled in 100 different directions.
I’ve tried to be the party girl who just didn’t care. And I didn’t, for a while. It was probably the only time I felt people enjoyed being in my company but it was all an act. An alcohol-induced version of myself that was much more fun and much more charming than sober me. When all was said and done and there weren’t $2-you-call-its every Thursday-Monday in the real world – I was empty.
I’ve tried to be myself and that just left me more hurt than any of the facades. Every time I tried to push past my awkward walls and reveal the innocence inside me, someone would come along and damage it fast. To the point where I can barely see my old self anymore, to the point where I’m so guarded I don’t even know who to be.
So I retreat and stay where it’s safe. Make an appearance every once in a while, try to show the people I love that I love them without feeling like I’m trying to be something I’m not. The girls I’ve tried to be all haunt me, I’m just trying not to be a ghost of myself anymore.
If you read my post where I documented all of my negative thoughts in 24 hours, you’ll know that I have a lot of negative thoughts about myself. We are so hard on ourselves. And this is on top of the weight that the world is already putting on our shoulders. Responsibilities are always going to pile up, people are always going to disappoint you, and life is just not going to go as planned.
But that’s okay. Seriously, give yourself a break.
You can’t control the actions of others. You can’t control how people treat you, you can’t control life’s unforeseen twists and turns. And you can’t punish yourself for the things you can’t control. Sometimes people are just going to suck and sometimes bad things are just going to happen.
For the things you can control, be realistic. You can’t always control every aspect of your job, you can’t just quit when time’s get tough. You can’t always control how much time you have in a day to just be yourself. But you can empower yourself to learn how to deal with it better, to speak up for yourself, or to make changes when change is necessary.
But you seriously need to give yourself a break.
Take one day this week to jot down every negative thing you thought about yourself. See how hard you’re being and how unrealistic you’re being. Because you deserve better from other people, but you definitely deserve better from yourself.
Yesterday, I decided to write down every negative thought I had about myself or the things I can’t control. Because I know I’m greeting life’s challenges with a bad attitude and I want to change it, at least as much as I can. Here’s every bad thing I thought in a day, tomorrow I will begin to work on shortening this list and creating a more positive one. I want to greet the day with a better outlook and I want to stop being so hard on myself. So here it goes.
Why am I always sick?
My skin is so broken out.
My skin is so dry.
This would look better on me if I was skinny.
I am not a morning person.
I’m so tired of stupid people.
This is the worst drive ever.
I’m already annoyed and I haven’t even gotten to work yet.
I should probably skip breakfast .
I already know I’m going to be tired later.
I put way too much work on my plate.
No one even cares about my Instagram or blog.
I wish people had a little more faith in me.
I’d rather be asleep.
I’m so selfish.
I feel like crap.
I wish I had more style…
I wish I could just make a decision on my own.
I told myself I was going to work out tonight but I’m probably just going to sit on the couch.
I’m so lazy.
I really need to start dieting.
I am a pretty sucky girlfriend.
* A LOT of thoughts about past actions *
This isn’t a post for people to pity me, it’s a challenge for all of us to just at least acknowledge all the bad things we say to ourselves every day. With that acknowledgement, maybe we can make a change.
I’ve suffered for migraines since my young teens. And for a while I thought it was just something that everyone gets. We all have headaches, we all have migraines, I just get mine more than other people.
But while most people have had headaches, they don’t know the debilitation of a migraine. When the ONLY way to get rid of the pulsing pain in your head is to take excedrin, put a cold wash cloth on your head, and sleep. And if you can’t do that, then you just have to spend your day with your migraine. All light is sensitive and all noises are louder than usual. You’re probably nauseous and cranky, it feels like someone is stabbing you in the brain. And you have to work through it, because that’s life with migraines.
You know when someone’s had a migraine before when you tell them you have one and they give you the “I’m so sorry” face. You know when someone hasn’t had a migraine before when you tell them you have one and they’re confused as to why a headache has you couch-ridden.
My migraines are stress induced and I’m stressed out…a lot. In college, every hangover wasn’t just accompanied by that dehydrated splitting headache, but a full blown migraine putting pressure on my temples. Every work day that goes south too fast has me laying on the couch as soon as 5pm hits. Any weekend where I had a stressful sleep includes me trying to shake off the migraine all morning long.
Migraines take time out of my day and they’ve definitely kept me from doing some things I’ve wanted to do. Almost every time we travel, I’m graced with a migraine when we land. Which means our first day of the trip is either miserably powering through or sleeping it off.
The people who don’t have them don’t get it, the people who have them get it too much.