What It Really Means To Love Someone

I will first start out by saying, everyone loves differently. So I can’t speak for everyone, but I can try to speak generically.

Loving someone doesn’t mean saying “I love you” every morning, evening, and night. It doesn’t mean spending all your free time together and thinking about them every minute of the day. It doesn’t mean falling asleep in each other’s arms or getting them the most extravagant gift for your anniversary.

If some of those things apply to you, that’s all nice and good.

But loving someone means not being that grossed out by all their gross habits. It means thanking them for going the extra mile for you when you’re tired after a long day at work. It means thinking of them a few times a day and being able to go a few days without them, but being so happy when they finally come home. It’s about sacrificing time in your day to pick up the groceries so they don’t have to or walking the dog in the morning so they can sleep a little longer.

Loving someone is about constant care, work, effort, and appreciation. It’s not about getting the perfect photo for Instagram and explaining to everyone why you both love each other SO much. While everyone loves each other differently, loving someone rarely means the things you can see from the outside. It’s everything inside that goes unnoticed by everyone except you two.

man in black long sleeved shirt and woman in black dress
Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter on Pexels.com

The Right Time To Say I Love You

Those three small words are like a loaded gun. We put all of this emphasis and stress on the phrase “I love you.” Even though we say it freely to friends and family and we say it without care to distant relatives that we barely know. When love is applied to relationships, everything just seems to become heavier.

When is the right time to say I love you?

Well, you don’t want to say it too soon – right? You don’t want to confess all your feelings in the first month of the relationship.

And you don’t want to say it too late – you don’t want the person you’re with to think that you don’t care.

Then of course you want it to be somewhere special, looking at the stars or holding hands in a field. And you have to be wearing the perfect outfit, your hair needs to be on point. You can’t be drunk or have food in your teeth or be somewhere casual, because this is a moment you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

But really, none of the above is true.

There is no too soon or too late. There is no special destination or beautiful outfit. There’s no reason to not be drunk or have food in your teeth. There is no perfect way to say I love you because love is not perfect.

The right time to say I love you is when you feel in love with someone. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you look like, it matters how you feel and if you mean it. The only thing that matters is that you’re saying it because you truly believe it.

The only thing that matters is that there is this person standing in front of you who is doing everything to make you happy, who cares about you, who believes in you. And you try to be just as great for them.

Love comes in all kinds of variations. So when you feel just when sliver of love, you should express it. Life is far too short to not let people know you care about them. The right time to say I love you is when you want to say I love you. When you’re both snorting laughing about something and you realize I love being this weird with you. Or when they finish a whole pizza and you love that they can do that. Love doesn’t need to be heavy, it’s a happy and light thing. Say it when you feel it.

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Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mary_carmen_18/

It’s Time To Grow Up

Remember in middle school where you would get a boyfriend and as soon as you held his hand for the first time you both would say “I love you!” Your AOL Profiles would say things like ‘A&F 4/28 Love you boo’. One time my sixth grade boyfriend even broke up with me by taking me out of his profile – rude, right?!

Those things were okay when we all wore two Abercrombie polos at the same time, but became generally unacceptable around the time we stopped holding hands and started doing more.  There are a few signs to look out for when you have that feeling that your boyfriend or girlfriend may be too immature for a relationship.  Some of these include:

1. Saying “I love you” too quickly

This just means the person you’re dating is insecure and doesn’t actually know what love is.  They’re taking any feeling and running with it because they don’t know what their fully developed emotions are actually like.

2. Bouncing from relationship to relationship

This means your boyfriend or girlfriend has a hard time being alone. They’re just going to keep dating someone until something finally sticks.

3. Getting overdramatic and over-loving on social media

I know we’ve grown up with technology – but you don’t need to put your whole life on it.  If your boyfriend or girlfriend is  expressing their love to you on Instagram daily and threatening people via Twitter and passive-aggressive Facebook likes – that’s another good sign of insecurity and immaturity.

4. No future ambitions At this point, we’re all in college and figuring out our futures.  Anyone who does not possess a passion or ambition to do well will probably never change.

If your significant other fits 3 out of 4 of these descriptions: congratulations you landed yourself someone who needs to grow up.

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lukexmartin/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lukexmartin/