Living By The Judgement Of Others

I did a few things this summer that made me stop in my tracks and think “wow that was really fun!” I went to the beach and swam in the ocean, I jumped in the pool, and I went on a few rides at a carnival.

These are all very normal things that probably everyone has done at least once in their life, right? Well I have too. I used to spend my summers in the ocean and I’d jump at a chance to go in a pool. I loved stomach-drop rides and carnival food. But I hadn’t done any of those things in years.

College made me VERY aware of how often people judge each other. And because of that, I began to live by that judgment. I’ve never liked wearing a bathing suit and I like it even less now so I just stopped swimming. And I almost just stopped having juvenile fun that is normal for people to enjoy because I cut myself off from so many things in fear of judgement.

I went in the ocean and didn’t care if my stomach jiggled a little bit. And I went in the pool without minding the fact that people will see me without make up. And I screamed my head off on a tower of terror ride and then laughed about how insane it was with my friends. It made me kind of sad to realize I’ve been missing out on this child-like fun because of the pressure to be cool.

Seriously, even when you’re 25 there is a pressure to be a “cool kid.”

I can’t tell people to turn their lives around and stop living by the judgment of others -because it’s hard. By nature, we just want to fit in. But I hope everyone has one of those moments where they realize they’ve given up too much for the sake of being cool, because I’m a lot happier now that I jumped in the pool.

Photo by Tim Gouw on

Judge Less, Compliment More

Seriously if everyone was as nice as the girls I run into drunkenly in the bar bathroom, my self esteem would be through the roof.

But it’s not. It’s not for most of us. We are constantly trying to live up to what we see on the magazine covers or on the popular Instagram pages. We try to make ourselves as perfect as possible – because that’s what gets us attention and that’s what gets us compliments. And those are what give us the confidence to keep going.

But a lot of the time what we’re asking for is superficial confidence. Likes and comments on pictures from people who really don’t mean anything. The strangers online are nice, but compliments in person would be even better.

We tend to judge instead of compliment. We give the side eye and scoff about how short that girl’s dress is or how ugly that guy’s shoes are. But we never think to reach out and compliment someone as quickly as we think to judge them. Because that girl has the legs to rock that dress and the guy has the confidence and style to rock those shoes – but you would never tell them that.

We think compliments all the time, but we keep them in our head. I don’t know how many times I’ve spoken to a stranger and thought “wow, her hair is really pretty.” But never said it out loud. Things like that can make people’s day or week or life just a little bit better.

We don’t think to do it anymore, we don’t want to build egos or look weak admitting that we like something about someone else. But I urge you to try to do it. To say the nice things you’re thinking out loud. We could all use a compliment every now and again. Start handing out yours and you’ll surely get them in return.

Making The First Move

Guys deserve a lot of credit for making the first move.  It’s just what is expected in society, that guys will approach a girl first. They’ll ask for their number and have to make the phone call. They ask her to dance or out on a date. It’s mostly all up to the guy to move something forward.

That takes a lot of guts.  You are pushing all of your insecurities behind a mask to make a good impression on someone.  And if they don’t like you? Was it your hair, did you smell, did you say the wrong thing? You’re putting your whole self esteem on the line.  Girls can be too fragile to do something like that (unless we’re drunk) because we are constantly being shamed by society. I can’t even imagine all the thoughts and emotions that would flood a girl’s head after being rejected when making the first move. I’m sure guys experience a whole lot of emotions and thoughts too, so like I said, I give them credit.

I don’t know if that’s something we should take entirely personally. Sure, someone is making a snap judgement on you but there are so many variables that could be put into place.  The person you’re hitting on could be in a relationship, they could be in a tough place in their life, they could forget you met, they could just not feel the vibes, or you’re not their type.  There are so many reasons not to take rejection personally.  Therefore, I think we should all put our hearts on the line a little more often.

As a girl, I have on many occasions bought someone a drink or told them they were cute to get them to come talk to me. Many of these times were promoted by liquid courage, but it’s something I would like to be able to accomplish sober. Why should it bother me that someone didn’t like me?  I don’t like everyone I meet either.   They say if you never try then you’ll never succeed – so give it a shot and make the first move.

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