The last part of the series – and my favorite. A series of apologies and relationships that just didn’t work out, click here for part 1, click here for part 2, click here for part 3, click here for part 4, click here for part 5.
I am overjoyed, ecstatic, and unbearably happy that it did not work out. It’s petty and it’s bitter to speak poorly about your exes, but I’ll gladly take those words from anyone in order to explain how it felt when you broke up with me.
You are the worst person I know. You’re really not a person at all. You jump from relationship to relationship in order to grasp pieces of yourself from the people you date. You are extremely incapable of being alone and in that sense I consider you weak. You were trying to make me weak, too.
You tricked me, took advantage of me, made me believe beautiful things, then left me in the dark. You strung me along for years. I repeatedly tried to get out of it and you repeatedly guilted me into staying. I know you were never faithful as I was. Just as you weren’t in your past relationships, just as you are and will be in your future relationships. Being unfaithful does not always include physical cheating, but you take advantage of that fine line.
I fell in love with you because I thought you were just like me. Finally someone understood and finally someone thought I was pretty and finally someone liked me. But you were just molding yourself to fit me. You were just consuming the attention of the first person who gave it to you. And you did the same exact thing when we “broke up”, but with another victim.
Maybe we should talk about that. How you never actually broke up with me. Or how you never had the courage to say no to me. You always lead me on by saying “maybe” in order to disappoint me time and time and again. I’m sure there were good times, but I really just think I was feigning happiness because that’s what I was supposed to do. That is how I thought relationships were supposed to work. We were going to be with each other for the rest of our lives so it was okay that I had underlying unhappiness.
I am so glad it didn’t work out because I am capable of being alone. I am not weak. And your cowardice brought the unhappiness that I was trying to hide in our relationship out in the open. Clear to see. In a way, I’m glad we dated because I am a different person now. But in another way, I wish I had never had met you. You wasted my time, you wasted my emotions. All I can say is I hope one day you own up to the awful way you’ve treated people, not just me. I hope you own up to yourself because I truly do not care and do not wish for another half hearted apology from you. A puppy dog face that tries to make someone feel like it’s not your fault, but their own. I stopped buying it the moment you stopped trying to fit into my mold. I own up to my mistakes now. I have owned up to myself. I’m not weak, I’m not a coward, and I’m glad that we didn’t work out.
