Moving In Together – 6 Months In

After about a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend and I moved in together and I wrote about my first impressions here.

Leading up to it, I wasn’t nervous at all. I was excited to be in one place, no more traveling back and forth to see each other and leading separate lives. Everything would be more convenient and it just felt like the next step. But the day we moved in, I freaked. The weight of all that could go wrong fell on me.

We’ve now been living together for six months and a lot has happened. We got a dog, we moved past the newness of living together, we’ve settled. We’ve had friends over, we’ve stayed in, we’ve fought, we’ve enjoyed our time together, and we’ve learned to give each other space.

It all really just happens naturally if you’re not forcing it. Nothing in life is rainbows and butterflies. You’re going to load the dishwasher wrong and he’s going to throw your dry clean only pants in the dryer and the dog is going to chew up all of your socks. Though social media doesn’t quite show those things, that’s just the way life is.

It’s basically nothing like the photo I used for this blog post. It’s not perfect, but that’s okay.

Six months in and we feel very comfortable in our little apartment together with our little family. It feels right for right now, but does have me thinking about the future a lot. Being together is great, but life has other factors and questions to consider. Do we want to live here forever? No, but when can we move? Are we on the right path for our careers? Can we follow those paths together? When’s the time to make next steps? Do we have to get engaged soon? Married? AH!

Everything is moving slow right now and I kind of just want it to speed up. But that’s no way to live and I’m way too uncertain about most of life’s decisions lately to be able to hop skip and jump to the future. All I can do is try to live in the moment and know that the here and now in our relationships and our little home is great.

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My Monogamy Skepticism

I’ve been skeptical about monogamy for a while now. I used to be very gung-ho on love, having a family, and living happily ever after. But the older I got, the more unrealistic it seemed.

We are constantly changing. It’s hard for me to fathom that with all the changes we go through, we will like the same person for the next 50 years of our life. The only people that have even been in my life for more than 5 years are my family members and I’m stuck with them. Is that what marriage is? Making it work because you’re stuck with them?

It just seems odd to me that we force ourselves to be with one person for the rest of our lives when there are so many other places, other people, and other experiences out there. I see so many more bad relationships than I see good ones. I’ve seen the beginnings and the ends of marriages. And it just doesn’t seem like monogamy is natural for people who live 100 years.

I think it has a lot to do with my inability to live in the present, always looking towards the future. I look down the line and think that I couldn’t possibly be as happy as I am now in the next 10 years if everything is exactly the same.

It just seems weird to me that most people feel the need to anchor down to one person and they do it in their 20’s. 3 years ago I was a different person than I am today and in 3 more years I’ll be different again – can it really be that the person you marry will ebb and flow with your changes along  with their own? That it really does all just work itself out?



I Don’t Understand Satisfied People

I always want change. I want to go places, do things and keep the ball rolling. I want to know a majority of what life has to offer. I don’t want to settle down, the thought of getting married and buying a house and dedicating myself to one thing for a long time is simply terrifying,

And I don’t understand people who are just satisfied. People who have a couple of kids, buy a house, and intend to stay there for 20 years. People who work at the same job their whole life. People who don’t use up their PTO or use it to go to the same place they’ve been 100 times before.

In a way, I wish I could be satisfied. I’m sure it’s easier when it comes to decision making and just in general finding happiness. But I just don’t understand people who settle down and don’t see any problem with it. Do they not get jealous of the people who are all over the world, the people who aren’t tied down?

I could just get back from an awesome trip and scroll through my Instagram feed and get antsy all over again. I just want more and while I’m happy for anyone who is happy, I just don’t get satisfied people.

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How We Met (Part 1)

A response to my very old series called  I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view part one here, a series about endings. This will be a series focused on beginnings.

I think the very first time we met was freshman year of college, but I can’t put my finger on when. It could’ve been in class, I could’ve strolled past you in the cafeteria, maybe bumped in to you at a party.

Truth is, I think we’ve had our first meeting so many times because we never let it get deeper than a “hello.”

I know I had a class with you, I remember you giving presentations about your blog project. But I also remember being entirely wrapped up in my own world. Because when I was a freshman, I had a boyfriend and gave almost no one the time of day. And when we had this class together, I was a junior and gave all the wrong people the time of day.

Then we met again. Because our friends became friends and then we sort of became friends. And I was still wrapped up in my own world. We were all graduating college soon, life was about to change and I was ready for it but not ready for it. You tried to pull me in, and like anyone that resembled any sort of serious commitment at first glance, I ran far away.

And we met again, at homecoming a couple of months after graduation. You told me all about your girlfriend and I hit on your best friend. Oops. But you were a friend of a friend of a friend and I told you I was happy for you.

We met again in the online world. You tweeted at me a lot and I thought it was weird. You still resembled that commitment I just couldn’t quite make. I was getting older though, growing out of the people I should’ve never grown into. I got drunk and slid into your DM’s.

The first time we met, not as friends of friends of friends, I almost ran you over in the parking lot because I seriously was not paying attention. I also paid for parking in a garage that was free after 5pm. And then I ordered a tuna burger and there was just juices and seeds and tuna all over my hands and face. Then it started to rain and we went to the bar and you ordered a beer, I got a water, and you felt so bad that I didn’t get a drink too.

And when we both started to think that everything was going wrong, we turned the whole night around. We met many times in the past 5 years. But the awkward smiles and polite conversation we endured was just for the time being. Because when I was ready and you were ready, we met again and it was perfect.

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Every Love Is Different

I think it’s pretty safe to say that love is the most complicated emotion. We’re never actually sure if we’re feeling it. It can be paired with hate or obsession or resentment. It can be overwhelming, consuming, and confusing.

Every love we ever encounter is different. The way you love your family is a bond. The way you love your friends can be similar to your family. The way you were in love in your first relationship can never be identically mimicked in your next.

And then you get confused, because this love doesn’t feel like your last love. This love doesn’t feel like anything you’ve ever felt before so how do you even know it’s love?

How do you know that you love someone? How do you know if someone is the love of your life? You can try to base it off experience, but chances are it won’t get you very far. Because every love is different.

Love comes with questions. All you can do is try and go with the flow, accept the fact that you’ve never felt this way before and you may never feel this way again. Don’t make comparisons constantly, because the way you feel now will never match up to the way you felt before when it comes to love. Sure, there will be tiny similarities. And those similarities will help guide you to knowing whether you’re in love or not.

But in the end, we just have to trust our heart. Which is the scariest thing to do when it can end up broken. Love isn’t always rational, clear, and concise. It is messy and blurry and a whirlwind of different emotions mushed up into one. But that’s what makes it great.

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Everything Feels Temporary

Most of us are so horrible at living in the present. We are either full steam ahead into the future, not even living in our own moments. Or we are falling into the arms of our pasts over and over and over again.

We miss the day to day precious aspects of life. And because we’re so focused on the future or the past or anything but the present – it feels like everything is temporary.

When you move into a new apartment you say “oh I’ll only be here for a year.” When you start a new relationship you say “I’m not sure how long it’ll last.” When you start a new job you say “I think this will be good for the next couple of years.” When you get into a slump you say “I’m sure I’ll be better next week.”

But life isn’t temporary. Living, loving, working, feeling – these are not temporary things. So you can’t dismiss them now because you think everything will be different in the future. The future is distant and you only have so much control over your life.

The only thing you can control is what you make of that life. How you turn that apartment into a home. How you turn that relationship into a marriage. How you excel at your new job. How you improve your mood because you’re not waiting on someone to do it for you.

If you keep viewing things as temporary, those permanent things you’re yearning for will never actually come to be. Any thing that you want there to be more of in the future needs to not be considered temporary. Make it a constant and put the work into it. It’s okay if some things are just for now, as long as you don’t want them for later.

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How To Know You’re Not Settling

Settling usually comes from desperation. You are desperate to be loved, to be happy, to find the one, to have what other people have. So desperate, in fact, that you will settle with anyone just to feel an ounce of the emotions you are looking for.

We’re all a little desperate, being single makes us that way. We may be happy alone, but we still get lonely. We see the love that others share and we want a bite of it. Desperation ensues.

So when you do finally find someone that you want to be in a committed relationship with, it’s easy to ask yourself – am I settling?

For me, it’s one of my biggest fears. Because I’ve done it before and it ended so horribly. But there are a couple of ways to know that this person is the real deal.

If it took you a long time to actually find someone you wanted to be in a relationship with, you’re not settling. You were still being picky and not just choosing someone for the sake of being loved.

If you feel happy all the time when you’re with them, you’re not settling. Tiny doubts are always normal – you have to look at the big picture.

If your dreams, goals , ambitions, and hobbies match up, you’re not settling. It sounds like you’ve found a true partner to go through life with.

You might have been desperate, but that doesn’t mean you settled. A settling relationship hits bumps in the road pretty quick. If this person is the person who makes you truly happy – you didn’t settle, you just found the right one.

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