Dealing With Embarrassment

I’m embarrassed all the time. And when I get embarrassed, it never leaves my mind. Most recently I’ve had days where everything is going right and I’m so thrilled and then one little thing will happen that throws the whole day off. Like when someone scolded me for dragging some chairs on “historical” floors or when I tried to open the door for a blind person and ended up making things way more complicated. I think about those things all day, I think about them years later.

But I recently read this: think of all the times you’ve been embarrassed, now think of a time when someone else was embarrassed.

It’s hard to remember. I’m thinking back to college, trying to remember the weird or ratchet things some of my friends did. And while a few things come to mind, I don’t know how embarrassed by it they were.

And no one else remembers those things that embarrassed you. The guy who scolded me won’t remember me after a few days go by, the blind person who deals with difficulties every day won’t remember me. We are so wrapped up in ourselves and the things we do, sometimes we just need to let it go.

It is never as bad as you thought it was and no one else will even remember it. Embarrassment is a part of life, but you can’t let it eat you alive.

adult alone anxious black and white
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Missing Being Single And Missing Being In A Relationship

You always want what you can’t have, right? That seems to ring especially true when it comes to relationships. You want the person who doesn’t want you or you want to be single again or you want to be in a relationship again.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to miss being single from time to time. New love is exciting and when you’re single, you can find as much new love as you want. You can go on first dates and get butterflies, you can openly meet new people and get your flirt on at the bar, and you can be fiercely independent. It’s those winces of feelings you remember from the old days that make you miss being single.

And they also make you forget any bad thing that was associated with being single. Those good feelings make you forget how terrible dating can be, how lonely being alone can be, or how frustrating trying to find someone can be.

Because when you’re single, you’re going to miss being in a relationship. And it’s not easy to find someone that you get along with or enjoy spending all your time with. Sure, being single can be fun. But being in a relationship offers warmth, comfort, and someone to depend on. You always have a buddy to do something with. It’s those winces of feelings from the old days that make you miss being in a relationship.

It’s natural to miss both sides because both bring something to the table. The most important piece of advice I can offer, though, is being happy with what you have. If you’re happy being single, then be that. If you’re happy in your relationship, then stay there. Don’t throw away a good thing based off of misconstrued memories.

man sitting beside woman in front of table
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The Struggle Of Being Sentimental

I’ve never had a good memory and I’ve never had a huge attachment to places. But if I have a token of a place or a photo of a time, then I’m able to remember the event more clearly. I collect things from important people and places I go and I’ve become very sentimental.

I have boxes of things I’ve acquired over the years. Diaries, cards, ticket stubs, birthday presents that came from people who I left in the past, a lot of bad poetry from high school. I have a hard time throwing those things away because they are probably the only things that will trigger those memories for me.

I went through some of the boxes recently and could only throw away a few things. Diaries that mostly only spoke about how my family were jerks and how I was fat, photos of people who left me with bad feelings, and trinkets that I couldn’t find an attachment to.

But there’s so much left and the problem with being sentimental isn’t that I’m going to become a hoarder one day. The problem is that these things make me miss people who have hurt me, who I don’t even like anymore. They make me miss times that I was actually miserable during. But by being so sentimental, it’s easy to forget the bad. Even when they are things that should be long gone.

It’s hard to be so sentimental, I feel oddly attached to dumb things and then feel like reaching out to people who stopped caring about me altogether. It’s a dangerous road and I’ve found it best to just keep those boxes closed.

diary girl hand journal
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Finding A Home In People

When I was in college, my parents sold and moved out of my childhood home. At this point, I had been living at school most of the time, over every break. I came home one weekend and packed my stuff and said goodbye.

My childhood home hadn’t been my home for a long time. My room had been repainted and the whole place just held a lot of memories from my youth that I didn’t particularly enjoy especially after my high school boyfriend and I had just broken up. I was fine with leaving it all behind and I had found a new home at college.

And when my grandparents passed away, their house was torn down. I did one last walk through – but I wasn’t sad about saying goodbye to it. My grandparents weren’t there anymore and the last years they were there were painful and nothing at all like the memories I had created as a kid.

I walk into my other grandparent’s home and I still feel my home. I take deep breaths and try to hold on to the feeling there. But after they’re gone, I don’t think it will feel like anything at all.

Because I’ve always made homes out of people. My family grew out of our childhood home, we were located hours and plane rides away from each other and it wasn’t the home that kept us all together anymore. I feel at home with them, no matter where I am. And even at college, I tried to live in my house after everyone had left for summer and graduated – but the people were my home, not that house.

When I move out of a place (and I have moved out of quite  a few places for a 25 year old), I stare at the empty rooms and I feel sad. But as soon as I am together with my people in my next new adventure, I don’t really feel a nostalgia or need to be back in that old place.

I have no attachment to where I am because no matter where I go I can visit one of those important people and feel at home again.

apartment cabinet chair contemporary
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August Recap

Seems like summer is over before it even got started. Summer is my favorite season, but fall is a close second when the weather is still warm. You don’t get to have much of a summer when you’re a working adult and I know I got a lot more done than I thought I would, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. As August wraps up this week, here’s a recap of my month!

Favorite show: I’ve been rewatching Grey’s Anatomy.

Favorite memory: Going to the fair with friends, I haven’t been on rides in a long time and I had a blast!

Favorite place: Maple Lawn Farms. We had a scenic drive to the Sunflower Festival, it was so beautiful!

Favorite meal: Honestly, I’m back to being addicted to Chipotle.

Favorite Instagram: Being open about blog discouragement

Favorite Tweet: I am very frustrated with trying to find a proper size in jeans.

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Favorite blog post: This one about introverted bloggers.

Favorite collaboration: I haven’t mentioned my Sipsby tea subscription in a while, it’s so awesome!

Tell me one memory you have from August in the comments below!

 

April Recap

Starting a new fun post for the end of every month where I go over my favorites for the month!

Favorite show: A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2.

Favorite memory: Adopting Kaya! Having a dog has been challenging, but so rewarding. The sense of responsibility Kaya has given me has really kicked my butt into gear.

Favorite place: A great hike at Delaware and Raritan Canal, one hike down and one to go for my bucket list!

Favorite meal: It was from Zoe’s Kitchen, I’m really obsessed with falafel lately.

Favorite Instagram: I had a lot of favorites this month!! I think I’ll go with this one.

Favorite Tweet: This great meme.

Favorite book: My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella.

Favorite blog post: The Yes Theory

Favorite collaboration: I received a few great products this month, but I have to give main praise to this flosser. It’s a huge lifesaver for me as I am trying to avoid as much dental work as possible.

What’s one of your favorite things from April?

Struggling With Losing A Pet

Sometimes, it feels like it’s so hard to hold on to childhood memories. You can find them in old photos, some of your old things. If you’re like me and your parents have moved out of your childhood home and you don’t really have any childhood friends – then you may feel those memories slip even faster.

One of the last real reminder of my childhood was my dog. She passed away recently and I took it a lot harder than I thought I was going to. When I went through all my photos of her, I found so many from her in my childhood home and when I was a kid. She always reminded me of home, so it was really hard to come to terms with letting go of her.

Losing a pet is just like losing a family member. And not like your great aunt, but a brother or a sister. A friend.

They get so old and you know it’s their time to go – but how do you let go of your best friend? I think we all need to drop what we’re doing and collectively come up with a way to make dogs live forever because we need that kind of love on this earth.

There’s a level of guilt that comes with losing a pet, too. Did I see them enough? Did I try my best to save them? Was the last belly rub I gave a good enough one?

Just with any family member, you just have to trust that they knew that loved them. You just have to trust that they were as happy as they could be and you gave them a good life. Because I know for a fact that even though my dog was a huge pain in the ass, she was the best thing to come out of my childhood.