The Struggle Of Being Sentimental

I’ve never had a good memory and I’ve never had a huge attachment to places. But if I have a token of a place or a photo of a time, then I’m able to remember the event more clearly. I collect things from important people and places I go and I’ve become very sentimental.

I have boxes of things I’ve acquired over the years. Diaries, cards, ticket stubs, birthday presents that came from people who I left in the past, a lot of bad poetry from high school. I have a hard time throwing those things away because they are probably the only things that will trigger those memories for me.

I went through some of the boxes recently and could only throw away a few things. Diaries that mostly only spoke about how my family were jerks and how I was fat, photos of people who left me with bad feelings, and trinkets that I couldn’t find an attachment to.

But there’s so much left and the problem with being sentimental isn’t that I’m going to become a hoarder one day. The problem is that these things make me miss people who have hurt me, who I don’t even like anymore. They make me miss times that I was actually miserable during. But by being so sentimental, it’s easy to forget the bad. Even when they are things that should be long gone.

It’s hard to be so sentimental, I feel oddly attached to dumb things and then feel like reaching out to people who stopped caring about me altogether. It’s a dangerous road and I’ve found it best to just keep those boxes closed.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Finding A Home In People

When I was in college, my parents sold and moved out of my childhood home. At this point, I had been living at school most of the time, over every break. I came home one weekend and packed my stuff and said goodbye.

My childhood home hadn’t been my home for a long time. My room had been repainted and the whole place just held a lot of memories from my youth that I didn’t particularly enjoy especially after my high school boyfriend and I had just broken up. I was fine with leaving it all behind and I had found a new home at college.

And when my grandparents passed away, their house was torn down. I did one last walk through – but I wasn’t sad about saying goodbye to it. My grandparents weren’t there anymore and the last years they were there were painful and nothing at all like the memories I had created as a kid.

I walk into my other grandparent’s home and I still feel my home. I take deep breaths and try to hold on to the feeling there. But after they’re gone, I don’t think it will feel like anything at all.

Because I’ve always made homes out of people. My family grew out of our childhood home, we were located hours and plane rides away from each other and it wasn’t the home that kept us all together anymore. I feel at home with them, no matter where I am. And even at college, I tried to live in my house after everyone had left for summer and graduated – but the people were my home, not that house.

When I move out of a place (and I have moved out of quite  a few places for a 25 year old), I stare at the empty rooms and I feel sad. But as soon as I am together with my people in my next new adventure, I don’t really feel a nostalgia or need to be back in that old place.

I have no attachment to where I am because no matter where I go I can visit one of those important people and feel at home again.

apartment cabinet chair contemporary
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

August Recap

Seems like summer is over before it even got started. Summer is my favorite season, but fall is a close second when the weather is still warm. You don’t get to have much of a summer when you’re a working adult and I know I got a lot more done than I thought I would, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. As August wraps up this week, here’s a recap of my month!

Favorite show: I’ve been rewatching Grey’s Anatomy.

Favorite memory: Going to the fair with friends, I haven’t been on rides in a long time and I had a blast!

Favorite place: Maple Lawn Farms. We had a scenic drive to the Sunflower Festival, it was so beautiful!

Favorite meal: Honestly, I’m back to being addicted to Chipotle.

Favorite Instagram: Being open about blog discouragement

Favorite Tweet: I am very frustrated with trying to find a proper size in jeans.

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Favorite blog post: This one about introverted bloggers.

Favorite collaboration: I haven’t mentioned my Sipsby tea subscription in a while, it’s so awesome!

Tell me one memory you have from August in the comments below!

 

April Recap

Starting a new fun post for the end of every month where I go over my favorites for the month!

Favorite show: A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2.

Favorite memory: Adopting Kaya! Having a dog has been challenging, but so rewarding. The sense of responsibility Kaya has given me has really kicked my butt into gear.

Favorite place: A great hike at Delaware and Raritan Canal, one hike down and one to go for my bucket list!

Favorite meal: It was from Zoe’s Kitchen, I’m really obsessed with falafel lately.

Favorite Instagram: I had a lot of favorites this month!! I think I’ll go with this one.

Favorite Tweet: This great meme.

Favorite book: My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella.

Favorite blog post: The Yes Theory

Favorite collaboration: I received a few great products this month, but I have to give main praise to this flosser. It’s a huge lifesaver for me as I am trying to avoid as much dental work as possible.

What’s one of your favorite things from April?

Struggling With Losing A Pet

Sometimes, it feels like it’s so hard to hold on to childhood memories. You can find them in old photos, some of your old things. If you’re like me and your parents have moved out of your childhood home and you don’t really have any childhood friends – then you may feel those memories slip even faster.

One of the last real reminder of my childhood was my dog. She passed away recently and I took it a lot harder than I thought I was going to. When I went through all my photos of her, I found so many from her in my childhood home and when I was a kid. She always reminded me of home, so it was really hard to come to terms with letting go of her.

Losing a pet is just like losing a family member. And not like your great aunt, but a brother or a sister. A friend.

They get so old and you know it’s their time to go – but how do you let go of your best friend? I think we all need to drop what we’re doing and collectively come up with a way to make dogs live forever because we need that kind of love on this earth.

There’s a level of guilt that comes with losing a pet, too. Did I see them enough? Did I try my best to save them? Was the last belly rub I gave a good enough one?

Just with any family member, you just have to trust that they knew that loved them. You just have to trust that they were as happy as they could be and you gave them a good life. Because I know for a fact that even though my dog was a huge pain in the ass, she was the best thing to come out of my childhood.

6 Of My Favorite Things from 6 Trips

Every trip I take usually holds one little gem that I remember forever. When I think of a place, my mind will automatically wander to that gem whether it be food, people, sights, or just the experience itself! Below is a list of my favorite things from places I’ve traveled – inspired by a post from dreamsvoyager.

  1. Montreal
    My favorite thing was the food! And the pub crawl we went on, we met some really cool people.
  2. Iceland
    The blue lagoon was my favorite part, but I’ll never forget the way I felt after we hiked to see a glacier.
  3. Nashville
    Being with my best friends and finding cool wall murals!
  4. Toronto
    The people in Toronto are amazing, they made the whole trip great! Toronto is a place I’d love to call home.
  5. Washington D.C.
    The history! Duh.
  6. Portland, Maine
    Seafood and lobster rolls, yummmm.

Let me know some of your favorite things from the places you’ve traveled in the comments!

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I’ll Always Be Who I Was At 16

I have often tried to forget about fragments of time in my life. I blurred out most of high school, can barely remember middle school, because I just wanted to move on. I wanted to shed my skin and start all over. I wanted to do it better this time.

When I went to college, I tried to find myself. I explored and went out of my comfort zone. I wanted to be the best version of myself, I wanted to know what I was capable of.

During that exploration, I kind of lost myself. It was the opposite of what I wanted to do, but maybe it was what I needed. A wake up call came when I graduated college and had to figure out who I was outside of the sorority, laid back, college life.

That’s when I realized I’ll always be who I was at 16. I can’t just shed skin after skin after skin and expect to start over. I can’t completely forget middle school, high school, and college and try to become a new person again.

I didn’t need to find myself, I already knew who I was. I just needed to build upon it. Every experience, every version of yourself is just a brick to the building. It makes up who you are. So even though I’m not 16 years old, that high school brick still takes up a part of me. I still rock out at concerts and write in a journal and get really shy sometimes.

And even though college is over, that buckwild 21 year old brick still makes up who I am. I can still go out and have fun, nap all day, and get a little dramatic.

It’s time to stop denying the past, because your past makes you who you are. Every ex-boyfriend, every girl fight, every failing grade, and dumb mistake was a lesson. You are learning and becoming the best version of yourself every day, brick by brick. I’ll always be who I was at 16 and I’m starting to love that.

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A picture of me at 16 for your enjoyment