How To Actually Support Women

I think we talk a lot of talk about how we want men and women to be equal and many men say that they support women 100%. But I don’t think they really know what that support entails. I saw the following images on Twitter and was disgusted with the reaction from guys who are telling her to be more humble.

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Because I have guys in my life telling me to be more confident, that I’m beautiful, that I should stop being so hard on myself. And I don’t believe them, I have a hard time accepting my appearance and if I say “thank you” to a compliment, I’m internally saying “you’re wrong.”

But the second a girl actually loves herself and gains confidence, men and women come out of the woodwork to tear her down. So which is it? You support us, but we shouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves?

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If you want to actually support women, you have to accept them. This applies to men and women. You have to let them be themselves, love themselves. You can’t tear them down and call them sluts for sleeping with a few guys or call them egotistical for loving themselves. Because let’s be honest, if you’re posting a picture of yourself on snapchat you already know you look good in it. You have to accept that not all women are weak and in need of your help. But some are.

You have to support them all, not just the ones that fit the mold that you like.

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Why All Girls Are Players- Even If They Don’t Know It

“Boys will be boys” is a frequently used phrase – but no one ever really talks about how girls will be girls.

Girls are taught at a young age how to get what they want. We are told that when boys are mean, they like us. We are told that being pretty will get you pretty far in life. So do your hair, put on your make up, and always look your best. We are taught that we hold a special power over men – you just have to figure it out.

And although we are still often treated as the lesser sex, we do hold a lot of power. A lot of us have learned to harness that power in order to not be the lesser sex.

Yet the boys that will be boys are always the ones that are called out for playing games. For being a player, a bad guy, a phony.

But we all do it – girls just do it in a trickier way.

We don’t openly go around flirting with others and cheating on people and flaunting our power – we do it slyly. We gain all our power through quiet games instead of loud movements.

It’s exhausting though, to always feel you have to be a certain way to get the attention you need. To be constantly playing games because it’s our only chance of survival. Guys play games for fun  – we play them just to even the playing field.

Whether you know it or not – you’re probably a player. Any time you’re trying to level yourself out by upping your game and being someone other than yourself to get what you want – you’re being a player. It may not be a bad thing, because it may be necessary. But just remember your true self is great, too, and when you get tired of playing you can just be yourself.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/my-other-eye/

Making The First Move

Guys deserve a lot of credit for making the first move.  It’s just what is expected in society, that guys will approach a girl first. They’ll ask for their number and have to make the phone call. They ask her to dance or out on a date. It’s mostly all up to the guy to move something forward.

That takes a lot of guts.  You are pushing all of your insecurities behind a mask to make a good impression on someone.  And if they don’t like you? Was it your hair, did you smell, did you say the wrong thing? You’re putting your whole self esteem on the line.  Girls can be too fragile to do something like that (unless we’re drunk) because we are constantly being shamed by society. I can’t even imagine all the thoughts and emotions that would flood a girl’s head after being rejected when making the first move. I’m sure guys experience a whole lot of emotions and thoughts too, so like I said, I give them credit.

I don’t know if that’s something we should take entirely personally. Sure, someone is making a snap judgement on you but there are so many variables that could be put into place.  The person you’re hitting on could be in a relationship, they could be in a tough place in their life, they could forget you met, they could just not feel the vibes, or you’re not their type.  There are so many reasons not to take rejection personally.  Therefore, I think we should all put our hearts on the line a little more often.

As a girl, I have on many occasions bought someone a drink or told them they were cute to get them to come talk to me. Many of these times were promoted by liquid courage, but it’s something I would like to be able to accomplish sober. Why should it bother me that someone didn’t like me?  I don’t like everyone I meet either.   They say if you never try then you’ll never succeed – so give it a shot and make the first move.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/

Chivalry Isn’t Dead – It Just Changed

I often hear women talking about the way they would like to be treated by men. They want “old school” romance where they’re picked up at their front door, their car door is opened for them, and their meal is paid for.  They want their guy to be chivalrous – a knight in shining armor who only has eyes for them and treats them like the princess they are.

Women complain that men aren’t chivalrous at all anymore, that chivalry is just dead and gone.  There apparently is no such thing as dating, going out for dinner, or to the movies.  There are only hook ups and long texting conversations. There is no such thing as a guy who is going to treat you right and not talk to other girls.  “All guys are the same.”

This is so untrue it makes me cringe.  Imagine the things men could say about women for even thinking this way.

We live in a different time. A time where women hold a huge amount of power.  A time where women can walk to a car, open their own door, and pay for their own meal.

Stop thinking chivalry and start thinking equality. If you expect to be treated like a princess, you need to be treating your guy like a prince.  There ARE men in this world who will take you out on dates, hold the door open for you, and be everything you want them to be if you start lowering your expectations and stop thinking back to the way things used to be 20 years ago.

Not all guys are the same.  Respect demands respect and the way you act, carry yourself, and the way you date will bring you the chivalry you’re looking for.  Granted, you’ll probably run into some boys who will always be sucky people, but if you know you deserve better then you will eventually get that.

You don’t need a knight in shining armor – you are fully capable of saving yourself.  When you are aware of that, your knight in shining armor will come along (just in case you need a little back up).

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/

Falling In Love With Everyone and Everything

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze/

Everywhere we turn, there are interesting people. Walk into class, stumble into the bar, open up twitter, and scroll through Instagram. You can find someone you have something in common with in every nook of your life. So how do you choose and how do you settle?

I don’t think our generation has a problem with forming relationships.  I believe there are just so many relationships forming so often that it’s hard to focus on just one. You’re consistently making new friends and having new conversations.  Whether it’s over the phone or in person, communication IS happening. Older generations don’t understand that because they don’t understand us.  They think we sit on our phones shutting out the world, but instead we’re just learning about a whole part of it they’ll never experience.

We’re buying shots for girls we like in bars, but we’re also favoriting all of their tweets so they get the hint.  We’re having conversations with cute boys in the hallway, but we’re also adding them on all forms of social media to get the point across. The amount of communication happening in our so-called hookup culture is so exciting.  It could yield someone from settling down, but it could also introduce enough people so that we do know who we want to eventually settle down with.

I have this little problem of falling in love with, like, everyone. I met someone with cool tattoos at a party and fell in love! I saw someone on Tinder has the same favorite band as me and I fell in love! The boy who sits in the back of my class has the perfect hipster haircut and I’m in love! It’s a little problem that leads to a lot of opportunities and experiences.

I don’t want to stop meeting new people. I don’t want to stop going new places.  I want to keep stalking people on social media and I want to keep making googley eyes from across the bar.

Do it, do what you want! Start falling in love with everything and everyone around you.  Fall in love with your young life while you still can.

Running Into Your Ex: Spring Break Edition

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisgold/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisgold/

Listen, you survived Winter Break and that was a month long – so Spring Break will be a breeze!

If you’re going home this Spring Break (instead of on an alcohol-driven beach trip) first of all, I’m sorry.  That sucks. Besides that, you have the potential to run into your ex from your hometown. Which also sucks.

In my hometown, there are two places you want to avoid if you don’t want to run into anyone you went to high school with/ dated/ hate/ etc.  Oddly enough, these two places are the bank and the grocery store. So if I have any active advice, don’t go to these two places.

Besides that basically useless advice (because everyone needs to run errands when they’re home) here are some things to keep in mind:

You’re over it!  You’ve been having the time of your life at school and haven’t even thought about the dumb ass girl/guy that broke your heart! Just because you ran into them at McDonald’s and they recently got a hair cut that makes them pretty attractive, doesn’t mean they’re not the same dumb ass.

Keep calm! If you do run into them, be casual.  Don’t open up a conversation that will keep you up at night.  Say your hello’s and then say your goodbye’s.

Don’t worry! You’ll be back at school in no time. Dress as if at any moment you’ll be running into your ex and you’ll be fine.

Have a great Spring Break and be safe!

Commitment Issues

Getting into a relationship should be considered a big deal.  Some people see it as just another boyfriend or girlfriend, some people see it as their whole life changing.  If you date someone for a while and see a future for yourselves, then getting into a relationship is the right thing to do.  If you’re just lonely and all of your friends have boyfriends, maybe you should reconsider the topic of commitment.

People who have commitment problems see getting into a relationship as too big of a deal.  Getting a girlfriend or boyfriend is not an end all be all, this is not necessarily the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, but it is someone who has that potential.  If someone makes you genuinely happy and you choose not to be with them because of your fear of commitment, you are only hurting yourself.  Chances are, that other person will get along just fine.  You’ll be the one always ending up alone.

For example: if you really like ice cream and ice cream makes you happy, you are not just going to stop eating it because you’re afraid too much of it will make you fat.  That’s irrational – first of all, how much ice cream are you eating? Secondly, a healthy relationship (like eating a healthy amount of ice cream?) will only serve to better you as a person.  You will grow from it, you will be happy for the time being, and even if it ends badly, it benefited you.

So stop being afraid of the things that make you happy. You have all the time in the world to figure out where you’re going in life and start working a job you probably don’t like, spending time with people you also probably don’t like.  While you DO like someone, continue it and stay happy as long as possible and don’t be a sucky person.

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/katrinasagemuller/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/katrinasagemuller/