What Love Isn’t

I don’t know what love is. I don’t know how to feel it, when it’s supposed to happen, or how you’re supposed to know. Every time I thought I was in love I ended up bitterly heartbroken, utterly confused, and pretty convinced that what just happened wasn’t actually love. All I know is what love isn’t.

Love isn’t sacrificing what truly makes you happy. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes and I don’t think you should have to give up the things that make you happy unless they’re destructive or hurting other people.

Love isn’t being obsessive. You don’t need to be with each other 24/7, text all the time, or go crazy thinking about them when you’re apart.

Love isn’t pain. It shouldn’t hurt that bad, you shouldn’t feel shattered all the time. That’s obsession or fear or addiction. Love is supposed to help put you back together.

Love isn’t easy. It’s just as complicated as every other emotion out there – if not more.

Love isn’t definite. You won’t always love the people who love you and vice versa.

Love isn’t definable. No one can really tell you what it feels like, when it’s supposed to happen, or how you’re supposed to know.

Love isn’t the same for everyone. Because every person is not the same.

Love isn’t a solution. It is definitely not going to solve all of your problems.

Love isn’t a fairytale. It will not always be like the romantic books you’ve read or the heart throb movies you’ve watched.

Love isn’t a one time thing. You can feel it over and over and over again if you’re open to it.

Love isn’t lust. Though the two can make a great relationship when paired together.

Love isn’t life. Loving yourself should be a priority over finding someone to love you.

When I don’t know what love is at all, at least I know what not to look for the next time around.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/questa/

Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

We tend to shield ourselves from pain before anything can really happen, therefore it’s not an every day occasion where we let ourselves fall in love. Especially if we know the person we’re falling in love with doesn’t love us back.

It’s just human nature to avoid the situation all together when you know it’s happening.  This person has made it clear they don’t want to be with you – for any number of reasons.  They just got out of a relationship, they see you as more of a friend, it’s just not the right time.  When this happens you have two choices to make.

1.  Stick around and hope realllllly hard you can be just friends.

Maybe the occasional cuddling and movie watching won’t affect you.  Maybe you can be friends with benefits.  The emotions could just stop here and all will be well.

2. Run like hell.

You KNOW you’re going to fall in love with this person.  Their touch makes your skin burn and you wait by your phone all day for their texts.

Sometimes, we choose to stick around because it’s just so hard to let go of this person we’ve become so attached to.  They always end up breaking our hearts.  You think that maybe since you can’t be casual, you can make them love you back.  You can be all that they want you to be and eventually they’ll have no choice but to love you and live happily ever after.

That rarely happens.  It usually ends in you growing bitter towards the person, toward someone you love, which just ends up in a boiling hatred that is paired with an unrequited love. It’s a pretty awful feeling.

And if you run? Delete them on all forms of social media, ignore them in person, talk shit on them to all of your friends.  Do you think it will make you feel better?

It probably will for a little while, but with anything you love, you will always carry a piece of them with you.  What hurts the most is, while that person piggybacks on your heart for the rest of your life, you’re merely just someone they cared about for a little while and then left.  To them, you’re gone and to you, they are forever.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/micurs/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/micurs/

Why I Don’t Care

I know how to make decisions.  I know how to end things when they are going badly and I know how to determine what is making me happy and what is not.

Sometimes, though, those decisions are made and some time will pass. That “goodbye” gets twisted up into a bunch of nostalgic feelings that make me want to say “hello” again.  I’ll dip my toes back in the pool, only to get a harsh and cold reminder as to why I left in the first place.

I get moments of caring, but for the most part I don’t care anymore.

The reasoning behind not caring about past relationships falls on the fact that I was either hurt by someone else or I realized I was hurting myself too much or hurting someone else.  It makes it easy to let go of things when they cause more pain than love.

When I see your pictures, even though I miss you, I just feel disgust.  When I think of our time together, even though it was fun, I only feel embarrassment. When I see your friends out and about, even though we used to be friends too, I only feel shame. When I think about rekindling an old flame, I only feel pain – and that’s why I don’t care.

I don’t care if you have a new girlfriend or if you’re having more fun without me.  I don’t care if you cheated on me or said awful things about me.  I don’t care if you yelled at me or I screamed at you. I don’t care because it’s easier not to care than to feel heartbreak all over again.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/