Do People Change?

I often see the worst in people. So when someone tells me they will change, I barely believe them. This is partly because I don’t want to be disappointed and partly because most of the time, they don’t change.

I think there are the parts of us that make us who we are and those are the parts no one should ever ask you to change. Whether it be your friends, a significant other, or family. They can’t ask you to change, but they shouldn’t be forced to deal with something they don’t like. So you can try to change for your significant other or you can let the relationship go.

If you’re asking someone to change and they’re unwilling or can’t see why they need to change, then it will never happen. You’re putting all your eggs in a basket that’s ready to fall apart.

If they can see the change that needs to be made, they may have a greater chance at actually making that change. But most of the time, relationship problems come from the core of someone. It comes from a part of their personality that has been there for years, something that is deep rooted. Can people really change those parts of themselves?

It all depends on your want or need to change and the recognition of the problem. I’m sure people can change, I just rarely see it.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/kerenzayuen/

First Impressions Aren’t Important

You’re going on a job interview, a first date, or meeting the parents. And you’re supposed to make a good first impression. Because first impressions are important – that’s what they say.
But I don’t think first impressions are important at all, because I mostly see them as a nice little white lie. All a first impression is showing me is how you sugar coat yourself, the things you hide and the things you show in order to make me like you.

You wrap yourself up with pretty paper and tidy bow to fool someone into think you’re someone you’re not. That you’re organized, or charitable and nice, or responsible and worthy. Your first impression is just you trying to be someone else.

And what is that worth if you can’t live up to it? If you get the job and aren’t “used to working in fast paced environments”like you said. Or you are three months into a relationship and you end up showing the more prominent part of your personality, which is snobby and a little mean, not nice and helpful like you said. Or you go to your in laws for Christmas dinner and they found out this is the second job you’ve been fired from and you just can’t keep a job, you’re not as responsible and put together as you said you were.

What’s a first impression without the ability to make that impression again and again and again? I’d rather strip it down, know that you don’t do this well and you don’t like these kind of people and you often act this way. Because why waste your time and someone else’s time being someone you’re not? Why waste my time convincing me of your best self, only to end up revealing your true self much later on?

If we all did that, we might not make friends so easily. But at least we’d have a much clearer idea of who we were dedicating our time to. Your first impression isn’t important to me, it’s what’s deep beneath your layers that matters most.

 

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/crysb/