Yes, It’s True, I Don’t Want Kids

When I say I don’t want kids, everyone says: “you’ll change your mind!” or “you’re still young!” or “are you sure?”

Yes, I’m sure.

It’s one of the first things I told my boyfriend and reminded him of almost monthly to make sure he was okay with it too. Because I won’t change my mind, I really don’t want them.

If I’m being honest, it’s mostly because I’m selfish. I value my time, my sleep, my freedom, and the money I make to spend on my lifestyle. I know kids are great, I have nieces and a nephew who I love to spend time with and spoil, but I don’t have to dedicate my whole life to them. And I don’t want to do that with kids of my own.

Even adopting a dog has been a lot more responsibility than I had imagined for myself. I always vowed to never get a puppy because of the time and effort it takes. Luckily, we adopted my dog at 1 year old and potty trained – but she is still a lot to take!

Maybe (and this is a big MAYBE), when I’m 20 years older and feeling like my youth is spent, I would look into fostering or adopting. But that’s way down the road and not something I really need to put a lot of weight into right now.

I’m young and everyone expects women to have kids by their early thirties. For me, that’s less than 10 years away and a big N O. In the next 10 years I want to move out of state, I want to travel the world, I want to adopt another dog, maybe get married and maybe buy a house with chickens in the backyard. But I definitely don’t want kids.

They say my generation is opting out of having kids. If you do want them – that’s great! If you don’t – that’s also great! Make sure you have a plan for your future, that you discuss feelings with your significant other, and know that things can change. But always stick to your instincts. My generation has a lot of reasons to not have kids. We’re in debt. We haven’t even settled at a stable job yet. We can’t afford to buy a house. But the only reason I really need is that I just don’t want them.

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Taking A Break From Traveling

I am on a traveling hiatus, only partly by choice. Life is really busy right now and there are so many other things that require money, time, and attention.

On the one hand, my break from traveling has allowed me to see my friends more. I’ve gotten more done around the house and in my own town. I’ve been really busy at work and stacking on trips on top of work would have just been way too much for me to handle (even though I’ve done it before). I have had time to myself and to just relax.

On the other hand, I’m tired of it. I need a distraction from life and traveling is usually the one thing that whisks me away and makes me happy. I keep looking at my calendar booked with hundreds of other things like appointments, work events, family get-togethers and am just underwhelmed with the way my summer is looking.

It is possible to have too much of a good thing and I was booking trip after trip after trip with no regard for my real life. I love traveling, but I need to appreciate the here and now too. The break from traveling has been an adjustment, along with many other things going on with my life, but I feel like it has been much needed.

Taking a break from traveling has been good for me, but I’m ready to get back into it! Luckily I have a trip planned in July. Where are you going this summer?

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I Still Think About My Exes

I haven’t had contact with any of my exes in almost two years. Luckily, I don’t think any of them care about my blog anymore because I know they’d just be tickled to know I still think about them sometimes.

Of course I do, how could I forget? I still think of the time I got way too drunk at a casual get together in college and the time my middle school “boyfriend” broke up with me through his AIM profile. I think about everything, including my exes.

It’s just here and there, I don’t really follow any of them on social media so that made it easy to escape them. But sometimes a photo comes up in my Timehop, or I tell a funny story that included them to my friends, or I drive by a place that reminds me of them.

And I think about the good times we had a lot. It used to be only bad things, sometimes it still is. Sometimes I still cringe when I think of how many times I drunk called my most serious ex or how I completely shattered the trust of another. But I try not to cling to those things anymore and choose to remember better times. Sometimes I think about how I made the first move and asked him to our sorority date party, how I used to draw all over one boy’s arms in high school during class, how another one used to piggy back me from the driveway to my front door.

But all of those thoughts are very fleeting, that’s the key here. It is of course okay to think about your exes, they were a huge part of your life. I dated one of my boyfriends from age 16-20, that is a very defining chunk of my existence, without him it would’ve been and with him it still was.

If you think about them more than just some fleeting moments, though, you may not be ready to move on. You may not be ready to build another life separate of that heartbreak. And that’s okay too. We can’t just bury our emotions and expect them not to rise from the grave like zombies eventually. We have to accept the things that made us who we are, whether we like them or not.

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Happy Birthday To Me

Today I turned 25! I am feeling pretty old now, for a while I’ve been clinging to this whole “post grad” thing, but now that I’ve been out of college for 3 years I’m basically just an adult.

I don’t get ID’ed anymore, the only people who think I still look like a college student are my dentists, and when I visited my sorority a month ago and told them when I pledged they all gaped at me and couldn’t believe how long ago that was. SIGH.

Day to day, I feel pretty stressed about my life. But looking back today, I am very happy with how much I’ve accomplished and where I am. I’m stable, I’ve found myself, and there is so much exploring to be done.

I’ve been writing this blog since I was 21 – some of you have actually been here from the beginning so just to make you all feel old, you’ve been reading my blog for four years of my life!! It’s unbelievable to me.

Thank you to all my og readers and thank you to all my new ones. I am literally always in awe when someone tells me they read my blog and enjoy/relate to what I write because even after all these years I feel like why would anyone care about what I have to say?

I really appreciate all of you, thank you for making my years that much more enjoyable. 🙂

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A Letter To My 29 Year Old Self

Dear 29 year old self,

You’re probably thinking what I’m thinking now – why 29? Why not my 30 year old self?

I think at 30 we’ll be ready to face a new chapter and age range. 29 seems like the time I’ll be freaking tf out about officially being old.

Writing this is really putting time into perspective for me. It wasn’t long ago when I wrote a letter to my 25 year old self and here I am, a few days away from 25.

Now is the time where I’m really accepting that I’m not “postgrad” anymore, I’m a full fledged adult. So I can’t imagine what will be going through my mind in four years or where I’ll be.

I will say that I know, yes, I am positive, that I will still be thriving. And I’m proud of the steps you’ve made. Whether you branched off to do something else that makes you happy or are continuing down the same path. I have a feeling things will be a lot like they are right now, only with more amazing experiences under your belt.

Please, if you’re not happy, make the changes now. You put in your work in your 20’s. It’s time to do what’s right for you.

And always remember that while the day to day can seem stressful and mundane, you HAVE to step back and look at the big picture. People love you, you have so much to live for, keep going and keep climbing the mountains to a better you.

22 year old me was wildly unsure about life, 25 year old me is almost too comfortable with where I am. You’ll never truly be happy, but live life as best you can. Time will just keep going by fast. Enjoy it. Stop hating your body and punishing yourself for things out of your control. You are enough.

Happy birthday, 29 year old self. Here’s to many more!

Love,

Me

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A Response To My 22 Year Old Self

Dear 22 year old self,

I was looking at my blog stats and saw someone searched “letter to myself at 25” and found my blog post. I didn’t even remember that I had written a post to myself two years ago (I was on the verge of 23) and I can’t believe that I have been blogging that long. What a blast from the past to see a long lost version of myself give me advice now as I turn 25 next week.

When I turned 23, I went to Toronto with my friends and had just started a new job. A new job that I have now been at for two years. I was coming off a high of moving out of my parents house. I was single. And everything felt really uncertain, the strongest bond I had at the time was with my friends and even then it was hard to be the only single girl in the group.

Thank you, 22 year old self, for having faith in me. It turns out you were right and had the strength in you all along. A lot less things are uncertain. I have a steady job, I’ve moved in with my boyfriend, and we have a pet dog and gecko. There are less question marks surrounding my life.

But there are still challenges and you were right that I have disappointed people. Myself included. I think that all just comes with growing up. Sometimes you have to make yourself a priority, sometimes you won’t see your friends as much as you’d like to, and sometimes you just can’t live up to the expectations you’ve set for yourself.

Thank you so much for your kind words, 22 year old self. I will write a letter to my future self again and will remember that there’s no need to put pressure on myself and to be kind. What happens, happens.

Love,
Me

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My Updated Spring Bucket List

Wow April flew by and May is doing the same! I’m really trying to plug along as best as possible this spring. I’ve actually been really productive, but I’ve changed some of the list items up to make them a little more attainable since we’re almost halfway through spring.

  1. Read 3 books
    Two down, one to go.
  2. Complete one crafting project.
  3. Have friends over to my new place
  4. Go on a weekend trip
    Only went as far as NYC, but it counts!
  5. Plan a summer vacation
  6. Visit Longwood Gardens
  7. Reach 2,700 WordPress followers
  8. Reach 6,600 Instagram followers
  9. Reach 900 Twitter followers
  10. Reach 600 Facebook page likes
  11. Go hiking in 2 places
    One down, one to go!
  12. Leave the state 3 times
    One down, two to go!
  13. Hold a sloth
  14. Save $$$ for a dog!
  15. Start a garden
  16. Have a picnic
  17. Take a walk outside once a week
  18. Maintain happiness and presence
  19. Create a photo album

Now I just need it to stop raining every day so I can get ahead on the rest of this list!