The Pressure Of Long Term Relationships

My first serious relationship was 4 years long and when I say serious, I took it very seriously. I pictured marriage and kids. Planned where we’d live, where I’d go to college, and how our lives would be.

At that point in my life, I would frequently say “why bother being in a relationship with someone if you don’t think you’ll get married?” And that was at age 18 ish.

But I can now tell you I was wrong. Because relationships are learning experiences, sometimes it takes 2 seconds to know you don’t like someone and sometimes it takes 2 years. Why should we stop ourselves from diving into love just because we don’t know how serious it will be, how long it will last, or if we’ll get married?

Long term relationships can really apply that pressure especially when you’re in your mid-late twenties where everyone is starting to get engaged and married. It makes you think that the longer the relationship goes on, the harder a break up could be. Just because you’ve been together for someone for three years, does that mean you’ll marry them?

And if you don’t end up marrying them, did you waste your own time or theirs? Is it unfair to be in a relationship if you’re not sure you see marriage down the line?

As always, I preach communication with your partner because it’s honestly something they should know so they can decide for themselves the risks they are taking. Obviously every relationship doesn’t end in marriage, the one I thought that would ended in lots of tiny pieces set on fire. So you can’t base anything off of if you’ll be spending the rest of your life together, you just have to enjoy the time you’re spending together now.

adult couple dock fashion
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Why Do You Care?

I’m not sure why, but humans love to get involved in other people’s business and get offended by that same business. And I’m not talking politics or about hateful people, I’m talking about day to day activities that don’t influence you at all.

We get offended over people having tattoos, the way people dress, how they aren’t polite enough, how they aren’t social enough, that they forgot to wear a bra, or they are wearing too much make up.

But why do you care so much?

If you don’t like the way someone looks, then just move on and don’t look the way they do. If you don’t like curvy girls wearing bikinis then don’t look. If you don’t like someone’s outfit then don’t go out and buy that outfit.

Some of the things we work ourselves up over or choose to be mean over are so trivial and avoidable. And I know sometimes things just pop into our heads, we don’t mean to be unkind. But I read once that the first thought that goes through your head is what you have been conditioned to think, what you think next defines who you are.

So, yes, sometimes I think “what was that girl thinking posting that half-naked picture of herself on Instagram, yuck!” But then I immediately think “at least she loves herself and feels confident, do you!”

I think we all need to step back before we react and think about why we really care about the things we get mad about especially when it comes to other people who have no real direct impact on our life. Sure, some things are justified. But it’s easier and better to just let the little things go and make way for the bigger battles – which there are plenty of.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_bekaert/