Living By The Judgement Of Others

I did a few things this summer that made me stop in my tracks and think “wow that was really fun!” I went to the beach and swam in the ocean, I jumped in the pool, and I went on a few rides at a carnival.

These are all very normal things that probably everyone has done at least once in their life, right? Well I have too. I used to spend my summers in the ocean and I’d jump at a chance to go in a pool. I loved stomach-drop rides and carnival food. But I hadn’t done any of those things in years.

College made me VERY aware of how often people judge each other. And because of that, I began to live by that judgment. I’ve never liked wearing a bathing suit and I like it even less now so I just stopped swimming. And I almost just stopped having juvenile fun that is normal for people to enjoy because I cut myself off from so many things in fear of judgement.

I went in the ocean and didn’t care if my stomach jiggled a little bit. And I went in the pool without minding the fact that people will see me without make up. And I screamed my head off on a tower of terror ride and then laughed about how insane it was with my friends. It made me kind of sad to realize I’ve been missing out on this child-like fun because of the pressure to be cool.

Seriously, even when you’re 25 there is a pressure to be a “cool kid.”

I can’t tell people to turn their lives around and stop living by the judgment of others -because it’s hard. By nature, we just want to fit in. But I hope everyone has one of those moments where they realize they’ve given up too much for the sake of being cool, because I’m a lot happier now that I jumped in the pool.

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Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

The Pressure Of Long Term Relationships

My first serious relationship was 4 years long and when I say serious, I took it very seriously. I pictured marriage and kids. Planned where we’d live, where I’d go to college, and how our lives would be.

At that point in my life, I would frequently say “why bother being in a relationship with someone if you don’t think you’ll get married?” And that was at age 18 ish.

But I can now tell you I was wrong. Because relationships are learning experiences, sometimes it takes 2 seconds to know you don’t like someone and sometimes it takes 2 years. Why should we stop ourselves from diving into love just because we don’t know how serious it will be, how long it will last, or if we’ll get married?

Long term relationships can really apply that pressure especially when you’re in your mid-late twenties where everyone is starting to get engaged and married. It makes you think that the longer the relationship goes on, the harder a break up could be. Just because you’ve been together for someone for three years, does that mean you’ll marry them?

And if you don’t end up marrying them, did you waste your own time or theirs? Is it unfair to be in a relationship if you’re not sure you see marriage down the line?

As always, I preach communication with your partner because it’s honestly something they should know so they can decide for themselves the risks they are taking. Obviously every relationship doesn’t end in marriage, the one I thought that would ended in lots of tiny pieces set on fire. So you can’t base anything off of if you’ll be spending the rest of your life together, you just have to enjoy the time you’re spending together now.

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Why Do You Care?

I’m not sure why, but humans love to get involved in other people’s business and get offended by that same business. And I’m not talking politics or about hateful people, I’m talking about day to day activities that don’t influence you at all.

We get offended over people having tattoos, the way people dress, how they aren’t polite enough, how they aren’t social enough, that they forgot to wear a bra, or they are wearing too much make up.

But why do you care so much?

If you don’t like the way someone looks, then just move on and don’t look the way they do. If you don’t like curvy girls wearing bikinis then don’t look. If you don’t like someone’s outfit then don’t go out and buy that outfit.

Some of the things we work ourselves up over or choose to be mean over are so trivial and avoidable. And I know sometimes things just pop into our heads, we don’t mean to be unkind. But I read once that the first thought that goes through your head is what you have been conditioned to think, what you think next defines who you are.

So, yes, sometimes I think “what was that girl thinking posting that half-naked picture of herself on Instagram, yuck!” But then I immediately think “at least she loves herself and feels confident, do you!”

I think we all need to step back before we react and think about why we really care about the things we get mad about especially when it comes to other people who have no real direct impact on our life. Sure, some things are justified. But it’s easier and better to just let the little things go and make way for the bigger battles – which there are plenty of.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_bekaert/