How I Thought I Had To Be To Get A Boy’s Attention

When we think back to being young we often think of the great times.  We think about how we were worry free for so long, how life was filled with ignorant bliss and simple happiness.  Most of us choose to forget the part of being young that meant being really weird and awkward…

For me, sixth grade was when getting a boyfriend was really important.  Not like an actual boyfriend, just someone you called your boyfriend and held hands with and wrote about in your AIM profile – “K.M. ilysm always and forever &<3;“. I know it’s different for kids now, the importance of getting attention from the opposite sex starts at a much younger age and their definition of boyfriend goes way past mine from when I was young.  But from sixth grade on, getting attention from boys was a top priority.

Through social media, television, movies, magazines, my friends, my older siblings, etc; I had formed an idea in my mind of what I had to do to get boys to like me.  It was really that important and as a lanky (and transitioning into the opposite of lanky) 13 year old girl I thought I needed to be a certain way for boys to like me.  The way all of the popular girls got the boys to like them.  Looking back, they probably had the same idea as me – they just knew how to execute it better.  They also didn’t have braces and a love for Avril Lavigne that was made apparent through clothing choices.

This is something that inflicted my young and naiive self, but still impacts women my age and older to this day.  We want to please everyone by trying to imitate what the media portrays as desirable such as being:

1. Vulnerable

As a middle schooler, there had to be some sort of sadness and complexity to me that I could open up about.  Even though I was 13 and my main problem was really the fact that my orthodontist was mean to me.

2. Clumsy

I always see this on the media. Boys just fall in love with the girl that is tripping over her own feet, that always needs to be saved.

3. Innocent/shy

The girl that was too loud and overbearing didn’t seem desirable, she had way too much going on for a guy to want to deal with.

4. Skinny/always done up

I think I’ve been wearing make up since the end of 5th grade when I clearly didn’t need it and probably would’ve looked better without the blue eye shadow.

5. Unique but not weird

This was so hard – you had to be different enough from the polo wearing posse to get noticed, but if you were too different you could forget about anyone ever taking you seriously.

Girls to this day – ages 8, 13, 18, 25, 45, and up – still want to be what boys want them to be.  They forget their sense of self just because they’re single and aren’t getting a lot of attention.

I still find myself being guilty of it, trying to seem like someone I’m not just to reel someone in for a little while.  Self love can be preached every hour of every day, but so many people believe you need someone to love you in order to love yourself. In reality, being yourself is what is going to get boys to like you.  At least the ones that matter.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmichaels/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmichaels/

Fixing Your Problems With A Relationship

In middle school, having a boyfriend was the only thing that was important. You’re in your awkward phase and just need someone to tell you you’re pretty.  You’re still forming friendships and you need someone who is a constant. Your favorite emo songs sing about heartbreak and falling in love and you want to be able to relate.  The books you read end with happiness and holding hands and you want to hold hands too. The reality shows on television show so much drama, but love always prevails and you want to prevail, too.

We never grow out of that middle school self.

We still need to be told we’re pretty, friends still come and go, we sing the songs at pregames, read the books on casual evenings, and watch the reality tv on hungover afternoons.

We saw it as a problem solver – being in a relationship guarantees that someone will be there for you at all times no matter what.  It’s hard to rely on anyone else, that’s what having a boyfriend or girlfriend is for.

As more problems occur in your adult life, you become more and more convinced that not having anyone to love you is the number one problem.  Failing your classes because you have no one to study with.  Not getting a job because you have no one to push you. Getting too drunk because you had no one to stay in with.

It all connects to not having a person.

If you think a relationship will fix your problems, you’re very off base.  Sure, it will soften some of the blows that life throws at you, but a relationship is just a temporary fix.

Find friends that will stay by your side. Mend relations with your family so you can always fall back on them. Most importantly, be able to rely on yourself. Push yourself and monitor yourself – because despite what you may think, no one will ever know you as well as you know yourself.  Be your own driving force.

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gemmabou/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gemmabou/

Being Second Best

Who doesn’t like to win? We are wired to be the best we can be and it’s a very disrupting feeling to know you’re coming in second to someone – especially in relationships.

It’s a hookup culture, we know that a lot of people are hooking up with more than one person at a time.  We accept it, because we’re probably doing it too.  What hurts is knowing you are not someone’s number one choice.

You could get cheated on.  You could be the person being held on the back burner while the person you like is in a relationship.  You could be the second option when it comes to a booty call. You could be the afterthought. 

All of these things and more will make you believe that you are second best.  If you get cheated on, you’ll believe it’s because someone else is better than you.  Someone made a greater offer, was prettier, or smarter – just overall better than you.

You could be held on the back burner, even participate in someone’s cheating in their relationship. But if you were the one they wanted to be with, you would be.  There’s obviously someone else who means more.

You probably know when you’re hooking up with someone if they are also hooking up with other people.  You’re not the first call, there was someone more worthy than you.  But you were just more available.

Overall, it sucks to be the second option – so don’t make yourself the second option.  If your crush wants someone else, let them have it.  Don’t be the rag doll to be picked up and played with sporadically.  It may make you feel good for a while – to have your first choice pick you first for once too – but it will only make you feel worse in the end.  You’ll never come in first to these people, at least not morally. Come first in your own life and find someone who will always make you feel like you’ve won.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/128539140@N03/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/128539140@N03/

The People Who Build You Up

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/cmcgphotography/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/cmcgphotography/

Sometimes, people just don’t get enough credit.  We often see the bad before we can ever see the good.  Even if we do see the good, one bad thing will change every pretty thought we’ve had about someone into something ugly.

So here’s a big thank you to the people who build me up.

It’s rare to find the special people in your life that just want to succeed.  It’s in our human nature to do better than others and to be the best we can be.  Therefore, it’s in our human nature to want other people to fail.

When searching for people to surround yourself with, always look for the people who want the best for you.  Whether it’s a girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, boss, or your family – your inner circle should only contain those who want to see you happy.  You can tell them your secrets, fears, and excitements because they’ll keep them hushed, they’ll calm you down, and they’ll be jumping for joy right next to you.

Even the most independent of people need someone to tell them “you can do it” and “great job!” We’ll never be tough enough to live without these kind of people.

Ditch the people that only live to bring you down.  The people who get jealous of your accomplishments rather than pop bottles of champagne with you, the people who whisper behind your back about your worries instead of calm you down, the people who consistently say you aren’t good enough – they can all go.  Because there are people in this world who love you enough to build you up, so cling to them, and don’t forget to thank them.