Moving Won’t Solve Your Problems

Ever since high school I would talk about how I was going to get out of here. It started with wanting to go to Canada, to wanting to go to college in Ireland, to getting accepted to all the schools I applied for in North Carolina.

I ultimately stayed in New Jersey because of my boyfriend at the time. And although that relationship didn’t work out, it was the best decision I could have made. I was close to my family and made amazing friends.

But once I got around to graduating college, I swore I wasn’t going to move home. I was looking at jobs in Arkansas and Pennsylvania – while applying to safety jobs in New Jersey. But I ended up getting a job in New Jersey, a mere 30 minutes from my hometown. I moved home and I don’t regret it. I still see my friends a decent amount, I save a lot of money, and I’ve been learning a lot about myself.

A lot of people want to get out of town just to run away from their problems. No friends? I’ll make better ones in a different state. Bad job? I’ll find a better one somewhere else. Bored and lazy? My life is clearly waiting for me somewhere else.

But that’s not true. If you have problems weighing down on you and choose to solve those problems by moving – it probably won’t work. It’s one thing to be moving for better opportunities and a change of scenery, but anything that’s causing a chip on your shoulder will only deepen with distance.

If you’re planning on moving you need to tie up your loose ends. Say see ya later to your good friends and a solid goodbye to the people in your life who aren’t contributing anything. Don’t say anything to the people who are bringing you down, just leave them. And don’t blame where you’re living for your bad job and boring life. You’re choosing not to make the best of where you are and no matter where you are that will always be the case.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wnaprod/

Nice Guys Don’t Always Finish Last

“Nice guys finish last.” Why do I always hear that? There is some sort of stereotype in the world that says girls like to be treated like dirt, so they intentionally find the guys that are going to hurt them and ignore all of those wonderful ‘nice guys’ who are pining for them.

First of all: no one in the world wants to be treated poorly. Not girls, not guys – at least, not on purpose.

A girl won’t ignore you, not date you, or friendzone you just because you’re nice.  There are other factors involved such as: she doesn’t think you’re attractive, you act too much like a friend, you don’t have any sort of challenge or spark to you.  This isn’t personal – we’re all attracted to different types of people and you’re just not that person’s type.

Of course we want someone who is going to be nice to us.  But we don’t want someone who reminds us of our brother. Protective is great, but family-like is not. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re being too nice? To the point where it’s a little unrealistic…

Also who, besides you, is calling you a nice guy? Because nice guys (in my opinion) don’t put down other people just because they don’t like you.

Who even said the problem is you? Because a lot of the time, the problem is me! The girl you like might not want to date anyone, might be going through some problems, or recently got her heart broken.  It’s not because you’re a nice guy, it’s because she’s not ready.

I can agree that a lot of girls gravitate to guys who present more of a challenge – but a lot of guys also gravitate to girls who present more of a challenge. It’s all a matter of taste and in a lot of cases, it only takes getting hurt once for someone to realize they’re not always up for a challenge.

Stop blaming the fact that you’re not in a relationship on you being a nice guy.  That’s great if you’re a nice guy and I’m sure one day you’ll be making someone very happy! But there are a lot of single people in the world, a lot of people who try and fail at relationships, and their personalities all differ.  The nice guy doesn’t always finish last.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/heavyymetal/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/heavyymetal/

Stop Denying Your Relationship

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanier67/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanier67/

It’s not uncommon to come across cheating in college. Everyone knows the drama: he’s been cheating on her for years. She knows but ignores it. They both cheat on each other and never confront it. It only strengthens the stereotype of the hookup culture and makes everyone questions how relationships work in college.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s because you made the decision to commit yourself to someone. You love to spend your time with them, you don’t get tired of them, you don’t feel your eyes wandering or the need to really be with anyone else. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have a person, someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them and would do anything for you.

If you find yourself often denying your relationship – you might have a problem.  Consistently telling people you are single, or not dating anyone, or “no, I don’t have a girlfriend – why would you ask me that?” means there is an underlying issue to your relationship.  The problem either is your relationship isn’t meant to be or the problem is you.

You can give it any other label than “relationship”. You can say it’s not official, or you’re just talking, or just hooking up. But it’s a relationship no matter which way you spin it – you’re probably just too selfish to admit it.

It’s not okay to deny your relationship. It’s definitely not okay to be asking other girls to come over at 3 am, or ask them out on dates, or text them constantly while asking to hang out a million times a day. You’re not slick, you’re not sly, and it’s not cool that you think you can get away with dating more than one person at a time when you’ve made a commitment to someone.

If you’re very happy in your relationship when your significant other is around, then you need to stop denying your relationship and give it a real shot. Stop telling other people you’re single and stop asking them to come over while insinuating a hook up.

You’re just too selfish to let go of your single self. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be hurting other people in the process. Especially someone you cared enough about to call your girlfriend or boyfriend. And you’re probably letting a good thing go by being that selfish.

Dating A Constant Wanderer

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/marfis75/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/marfis75/

I have a problem with staying in one place.  I have a constant need to be in different places and meeting new people.  The world is so big and I find it so hard to believe that we are meant to stay in one place for our whole life.

How do you date a constant wanderer?  They have a need to be in different places, but they wander in more ways than one.  Their minds wander, their hearts wander, and their bodies wander. They love the thrill of an adventure and the excitement of something new.  When things get stagnant, a wanderer will leave without missing a beat because they know that that place or that person is not where they are meant to be.

A wanderer will settle down eventually.  The thing is, they are always searching for something.  If you’re going to date a wanderer – you have to be what they’re searching for.  You can’t change them or please them, you just have to be enough.  It’s not up to you because to a wanderer everything is up to fate.

While I’m young, I want to go all the places I can go and meet all the people I can meet.  This is because, at one point, I’m hoping what I’m wandering to will find me.  In the meantime, I’ll keep searching for the answers to questions I’m not even sure of.