How Old Do You Really Feel?

I’m 25 years old, but that barely registers with me. When I was young, 25 year olds were well accomplished. They were married, they had kids, they had houses!

I’ve recently been scrolling through Bumble BFF and you have to set age limits you’re willing to be friends with. When I come across someone who is 22 years old, I think about how they’re the same age as me. I’ve felt 22 for a long time. I know it’s just a 3 year difference, but 22 was when I really started defining myself as an adult. It’s also a time where I’ve never felt more naive and young.

And in reality, those 22 year olds who I could be friends with are most likely at a completely different time in their life as me. They’re fresh out of college and haven’t hit that grandma phase yet like I have. In the same sense, people just a few years older than me are at a completely different phase. They’re married and have kids. 25 is an interesting age because you’re just smack dab in the middle of a time where everyone is in different phases of their life.

It’s hard for me to grasp that I’m halfway to 30 when I don’t feel any different than I did 4 years ago when I graduated college. When I still felt so unsure, I still wanted to dress like I was in college and going to parties, when I had almost nothing figured out. Because I look at my life now and still feel those things. But then I see I have my own apartment, my own dog, a boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 3 years.

How is this my life and when did I get this old? I know it seems dramatic to some who are older than me, but I’m truly coming to terms with the fact that I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t always go to my mom’s house for Christmas, I have to pay my own bills, I have to figure out what to do on my own when my car breaks down.

I still feel naive and young, but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not. That I’m more experienced and accomplished than I give myself credit for.

girl in white long sleeve shirt and black skirt sitting on swing during day time
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My Updated Winter Bucket List

Winter bucket list is slow moving as is always the case. I like having the list here to motivate me, but it’s just so hard to get things done in winter. Outdoor things are a bust, it gets dark so early, and honestly we’ve just been super busy. I think in the second half I’l be able to cross off a little more of this list – but here’s your reminder that even when you set goals it’s OKAY not to meet them.

  1. Move to New Hampshire!
  2. Learn to play guitar
  3. Go to the gym 3x a week
  4. Text my friends at least once a week
  5. Go to a concert
  6. Read 5 books
  7. Be more productive after work
  8. Start journaling again
  9. Keep my blog stats up
  10. Go on a weekend trip
  11. 7,500 Instagram followers
  12. 650 Facebook likes
  13. 2,000 Twitter followers
  14. Make at least one snow angel!
  15. Get a new piercing
  16. Finish my photo album
  17. Send “we moved!” cards to friends and family
  18. Explore one new town in New England

What’s one goal you set recently that you don’t think you’ll accomplish?

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Sometimes There’s Nothing To Write About

I look at my blog sometimes and am just so frustrated with the content I’m putting out. Sometimes it’s too fluffy, sometimes it’s too bare, and sometimes it’s too dark. And sometimes there’s just nothing to write about.

While I want to have consistent blog posts for my readers and it seems like something they want that too, my life isn’t always that interesting. I’m not always having some kind of epiphany, quarter life crisis, or relationship realization. I can’t always strip down my soul and spill my guts to you all because I don’t always have something to spill. I try to be as personal and vulnerable as possible, but then I see other bloggers writing about miscarriages, divorces, bankruptcy and I feel so unauthentic.

When there’s nothing to write about, I make lists. I talk about some of my goals, my to-do lists, I promote myself and other bloggers. But it can feel cheap sometimes that I can only give an emotionally and beautifully composed piece of writing to you all every once in a while.

There are a lot of doubts when it comes to being a blogger and a lot of comparisons. I don’t feel that I fit in the stereotypical blogging niche and my audience here on the blog certainly differs from my audience on Instagram. While there is always something to take a photo of, there’s not always something to write about. So I hope everyone will bear with me through the fluff and folly while I wait for inspiration.

macbook pro on desk
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