Do You Have Imposter Syndrome?

Thanks to a Buzzfeed quiz, I learned about imposter syndrome this week. Wikipedia describes the syndrome as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a  fear of being exposed as a fraud. Even though there is evidence of their accomplishments and competence, those with the syndrome chalk up their success to luck or something similar.

And when I read that I was like “holy shiz I definitely have that.” For pretty much my whole entire life, I’ve never really thought that I’ve deserved anything. I’ve done a lot of great things in my life and accomplished a lot, and all of those things have surprised me.

When I got into all of the colleges I applied to (granted, I didn’t really reach) I was genuinely shocked because up until that point I didn’t know I could do anything right. And in my first year of college I got a job as a tour guide and I was like what kind of magic did I bewitch on them for them to think I would actually be a good fit for this?

And then I got into my sorority and I was so confused that people actually liked me. And then I got a good internship and I graduated from college. I got a good job and then an even better job.

I thought it was either luck or (if I’m being honest) I’ve chalked A LOT of it up to being a decently attractive female. Yupp, I don’t really think I’ve deserved any of this but I’ve gotten by because I’m not that terrible to look at

And it’s such a toxic way to think. I’ve always been intelligent, even if I suck at school. I’m not great at coming out of my shell, but I am great at talking about the things I’m passionate about. I got really good grades in college and I learned a lot about myself and taught myself a lot about the field I work in. How could I think I don’t deserve any of this, that I’m a fraud?

I don’t think it’s rare, I don’t think anyone of us get the credit we deserve and we especially don’t give it to ourselves. But if we don’t, really, who will?

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The Hookup On: VII Code Eye Masks

It was about two months ago when I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and realized I looked like I hadn’t slept in two months. Maybe I haven’t, but I didn’t know the toll it was taking on the bags under my eyes! I look sleepy, I have purple pockets under my eyes, and I just look worn down!

I think you reach a certain point where the fear of aging really starts to strike. I’m still young, but I’ve definitely noticed that I don’t look like my 21 year old springy self anymore.

I’ve started battling the effects of aging and one thing I tried was VIIcode O2M eye masks! I wear them for 8 hours while I sleep every 2-3 days, which is so different from other sheet masks. They are an oxygenating mask that are meant to revive the bags under your eyes over night! I find this so convenient because I now wake up in the morning looking fresh and ready for the day. It really takes some time off of getting ready because I don’t have to conceal my under-eye bags anymore.

The gel-like material is the real feature of the mask, they are like little patches with a cool gel that conforms to the shape of your eye. They are so comfortable to sleep in and the cooling membrane is such a nice feeling after a long day of staring at the computer for work. It is even recommended to keep them in the refrigerator, they are so cool and soothing to put on before bed!

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If you’re a tosser and turner, you can even wear them during the day when you’re watching tv or lounging about. I did this a few times because I roll around a lot when I sleep!

I’m sharing my results below because I’m so impressed! I started with deep purple under eye bags and ended with my 21 year old springy eyes again!

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Post Travel Blues

On the last day of my trip, there is always a little bit of excitement. I’m excited to sleep in my own bed again, have access to all of my things, see my friends and family. But as I sit in traffic on the last leg of the trip home, I overwhelmingly feel dread.

Traveling is such an amazing experience. To me, it is all about experiencing new cultures and places. To me, it’s about finding new places that I could potentially call home one day. Some trips leave me with less dread than others, some locations could just simply never be home. But the ones I get emotionally attached to are so hard to leave.

Because I’m leaving them to come home to a place I’m not exactly thrilled about. And I’m immediately thrown back into the real world of bills, work, and mediocrity. Traveling doesn’t always feel like a vacation where I can put my butt in the sand and not move for 5 days and come home feeling relaxed. But it is always a vacation from real life.

The post travel blues hit me hard for a couple of days, it’s like jet lag, and then eventually I adjust. Then I begin counting down the days until I can put that out of office up again and feel free for a while. That’s what paid time off is for, right?

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/barbourians/

When Life Gets Busy

I love change in the sense that I don’t like to stay in the same place for too long and am always looking to move forward. I hate change in the sense where things I like and got comfortable with can’t stay that way.

Sometimes, life gets busy and we have less time for each other. Whether it’s friends, family, or significant others. And you want to support people through those busy times, but only if you feel supported in return. Otherwise it gets lonely, otherwise you feel like you’re heaving in effort but getting left in the dust.

Busy seasons are an adjustment. Sometimes they last forever, sometimes it’s just for a couple of weeks. And you have to take that change and roll with it and hope that you can either assimilate or that it will go back to normal soon.

When others get busy and when you get busy, it gets lonely. There’s a lot of pressure on both sides to either be supportive or get everything done that you need to. You might lose people along the way and that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, not everyone can handle the stress that comes with busy schedules and making time.

When life gets busy it’s not just one aspect, it’s the whole thing. It’s your thoughts running a mile a minute, it’s your work demand, it’s your friends and family and significant other not having time for you. It’s a heavy lift that not all of us are cut out for.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lattefarsan/

How Do You Know You’re Doing What’s Right?

A lot of the time, I see couples that I never want to end up being like. I can tell they’ve been in it for a while and as time as passed they just grew comfortable enough to never give their relationship up.

And then some of the time, I see couples who got it right. They’re in love and happy 20 years later, they’re with their best friend.

But how do you know what you’re doing is what’s right? Is it just luck that you gave the right person a chance, that you didn’t veer from the course even though you wanted to? I don’t understand how people know if they should stick with something or see what else is out there.

Especially now, in a time where options are everywhere. And it’s not just relationships. It’s jobs, it’s where you live, it’s what dog you adopt, it’s anything that you have choosing power over. How do you know that this job will be the best one you ever have? What if you quit for something that seems like a better opportunity, but actually ends up being a dud?

There are pages and pages of job opportunities. There are states and countries we are free to move to at any time. There are dating apps and social media and a frenzy of people at your finger tips. Something may feel right right now, but how do you commit to something when you don’t know what it will feel like in 6 months, a year, 10 years?

So how do you know what you’re doing right now is what’s right? How do you choose to stick with it when there are endless possibilities in the world?

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lukasbenc/

You’re Not The Exception

Everyone likes to think that they’re special, I’m guilty of it too.

Every relationship I’ve had I always thought that I was the exception. That no one would ever cheat on me, break up with me, or get over me. Because I was special. I’ve felt this way even when I’m lacking self confidence.

The books I read growing up were always about impossible love stories including a timid girl who was plain and not the type to get the boy she was pawing for…except the fact that she was special. And with my nose in these books, I knew that I was pretty plain and nothing to write home about. But my mind, my soul, they were all different and deserving.

And it’s okay to feel special, to feel pride in yourself and love yourself. But it’s not okay to think you’re better than anyone or to think you’re the exception.

Someone will break your heart, someone will pass you up and hire someone else, someone will not think you’re special. It’s just the way the world works. Some people will hate the aspects of you that you think are great. And there will be no rhyme or reason, you can’t be perfect for everyone.

You’re not the exception to any rule no matter who you are. The entitlement we often feel will just lead to disappointment because no matter how special you think you are and even how special someone tells you you are – someone will hurt you. They will forget about the special or never see it at all.

To someone, someday. you will be very very special. But you’re not the exception, you’re the rule, and that will save you a lot of ache.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/michmutters/

How Routine Is Unhelpful For Me

Sometimes I find myself lying in bed at night and really unhappy with the way things are going for me. But I just can’t pinpoint what is making me feel that way. I think routine has a lot to do with it.

While others thrive on the 9-5 work schedule, three days a week gym regimen, and staying at home to tidy up on the weekends – I. Can’t. Stand. It.

Every day I wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, take a nap, go to the gym, go to bed. Nothing ever changes and when it does, it doesn’t make a big enough impact on my life for me to feel like I’m changing it up.

And the more routine my life gets, the more boring other aspects of it become. I start wearing less make up, start caring less about how I look. I don’t get as excited for vacations because I know the routine is just a three day weekend away.

I like planning ahead, I like knowing what my week is going to look like. What I can’t stand is the consistency of boredom, the feeling that things might not ever change. And then I’m reminded to switch things up. I start wearing lipstick to work and do something fun on a week day night.

But eventually, since my life inevitable revolves around routine, I fall back into my boring and unhappy ways. Routine may be helpful to some, but it sucks for me.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/zemlinki/