It’s Not Always 50/50

I recently read some Twitter wisdom that really stuck with me. When it comes to relationships, everyday won’t be 50/50. Some days will, but some days all he will have is 10 and you gotta give 90 but it’s okay. Because some days all you’ll have is 10 and he’ll give 90.

I rarely feel like my relationship is 50/50 and it’s the weight of my end that I can’t carry. It makes me feel so guilty to think that I put so much on boyfriend daily. I struggle with basic tasks when my anxiety strikes, I’ve always been a little selfish because of what I’ve been through in my past, and I’m undeniably lazy.

But that’s my point of view. If you asked him, he’d name all the things I do for him. He’d count out all the days where I’ve given 80 when he’s only had 20. And maybe my bad days outweigh his, but I definitely do give sometimes. Even though it’s hard for me to give.

It’s about sacrifice, it’s about give and take. Relationships aren’t always 50/50 and they aren’t always easy. It requires work and effort to keep a relationship blooming and happy. When you get comfortable, it’s easy to lose sight of the effort you really need to be putting in to ensure your partner is happy. When you both resort to scrolling through your phones all night after work instead of having a conversation over dinner, it’s time to realize what you’re putting in and what more you can be doing.

How others see your relationship, how your partner sees your relationship, and how you see your relationship can all be very different. Which is why communication is important and why we all need to pick up the slack sometimes.

Moving Out Of State – First Impressions

New Hampshire and I didn’t necessarily get off on the right foot. It can seem kind of glamorous to get up and leave the world behind, start somewhere new. But in reality, it’s very very difficult. And I knew that coming into it and I also didn’t set myself up to be in a situation where I would love it right off the bat.

I immediately jumped into a new job when I got here, a job that is much more demanding and requires me to learn a lot in a short period of time. And my boyfriend isn’t moving up with me until the end of the month which means I’ve had a lot of quiet evenings and quiet weekends.

I’m not really one for making friends and I knew that would be my biggest challenge coming up here. It’s too early for me to knock a place because of that. I’ve piled far too much on my plate (as I always do) so my first impression of moving out of state has not been a great one. Especially because we were dumped with snow which put off my boyfriend’s plans to come visit me.

I miss him and my dog and my lizard. I was well-adjusted to living together, to coming home to someone or something every day. Now it’s very very quiet and my apartment is still filled to the brim with boxes and is just a hot mess honestly. I suck at unpacking. I’m kind of just going through the motions in January, knowing that it will be better here in February.

When people start over somewhere new, they make it seem so adventurous and amazing. So I wanted to share my first impressions with you, as that is not always the case.

person holding outlined map
Photo by Francesco Paggiaro on Pexels.com

Doing The Long Distance Relationship Thing

Temporarily, my boyfriend is living in New Jersey while I’m in New Hampshire. And while this is only for a month and not really a long distance relationship, it makes me really reflect on the people who are open to doing long distance.

My first boyfriend and I were long distance for pretty much our whole relationship. We were never more than two hours apart, but many factors ended up keeping us at a distance. When he was in college, I was in high school and when I was in college he was working and living in the city. Our relationship was forced into these spurts of time together on weekends, breaks, etc. Meaning any free time I had was dedicated to him.

And that becomes exceedingly difficult when you’re trying to put down roots somewhere. You can’t just pick up and leave every weekend or else you’ll never feel settled. And then it comes to a point where you don’t want to pick up and leave every weekend because you’re settled.

I think if my boyfriend and I were truly forced to do long distance for more than say 3 months, it would put a lot of strain on our relationship. We are both people that like to go out and do things and dedicating our free time and weekends to a 5 hour drive is just unreasonable on both ends.

I give a lot of credit to the people that can do it and I hope their quality of life and relationship are still in a good place. I’m just not the kind of person who can live off bi-weekly interactions for years at a time. But I can’t knock it if it works for other people.

blonde blur daylight fashion
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Sometimes There’s Nothing To Write About

I look at my blog sometimes and am just so frustrated with the content I’m putting out. Sometimes it’s too fluffy, sometimes it’s too bare, and sometimes it’s too dark. And sometimes there’s just nothing to write about.

While I want to have consistent blog posts for my readers and it seems like something they want that too, my life isn’t always that interesting. I’m not always having some kind of epiphany, quarter life crisis, or relationship realization. I can’t always strip down my soul and spill my guts to you all because I don’t always have something to spill. I try to be as personal and vulnerable as possible, but then I see other bloggers writing about miscarriages, divorces, bankruptcy and I feel so unauthentic.

When there’s nothing to write about, I make lists. I talk about some of my goals, my to-do lists, I promote myself and other bloggers. But it can feel cheap sometimes that I can only give an emotionally and beautifully composed piece of writing to you all every once in a while.

There are a lot of doubts when it comes to being a blogger and a lot of comparisons. I don’t feel that I fit in the stereotypical blogging niche and my audience here on the blog certainly differs from my audience on Instagram. While there is always something to take a photo of, there’s not always something to write about. So I hope everyone will bear with me through the fluff and folly while I wait for inspiration.

macbook pro on desk
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

The Best Of My Break Up Blog Posts

Sometimes I read back on my old posts and wish they got a little more love, so I’ll be sharing some links from now on with groupings of my old posts! Enjoy these break up blog posts.

  1. Breaking Up Because I’m Happy
  2. Do What You Have To After A Break Up
  3. Accepting Break Up Blame
  4. The Courage It Takes To End A Relationship
  5. I Can’t Blame Anyone But Myself

Leave a comment on one of the posts if you enjoyed them!

broken heart love sad
Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com

How Past Relationships Held Me Back

I’ve always felt held back by the people I’ve dated in the past. I think a lot of my relationships ended abruptly, they left me without closure.

Because sometimes I ended things fast because I wasn’t ready for anything serious. And sometimes I was strung along without any explanation at all and then left for dead after the break up.

I tried my best to not let those things affect me, but they always have. Those things put my love life in slow motion. When I finally found someone I wanted to date, I had to make all the first moves because when someone else did it I’d get scared and run away. It took a while to make things official, to even convince myself this was 100% what I wanted.

And even now as we live together I get so many pangs of not knowing what I want in life.

Recently I’ve heard that one of my exes has moved on…I don’t keep tabs on them at all because the more distance I put between me and them helped me feel better. But the news made me realize I’m ready to move on too.

You know when you hear about an ex getting engaged, married, having kids and you just feel mad? I used to feel that way a lot. Like I’m the one who put so much time and effort into you only for you to crush me and use your brand new self on someone so much less deserving than me. Yeah, I was bitter.

But after this recent news, a lot of things became much more clear to me. I don’t care about my exes. I don’t care about them one bit. I still think of them from time to time, but it’s almost like hearing my ex moved on set me straight. A lot of my doubts have faded and I’ve finally cut the strings my exes tied to me.

I feel better, I feel happy, and I feel certain.

couple holding hands love people
Photo by Life Of Pix on Pexels.com

10 Things I Never Knew I Needed In A Boyfriend

I was very independent before getting in a relationship and didn’t think I’d become so dependent when I got into one. But it’s not dependence in a bad way, it’s dependence in the way that now I have someone to help, someone to lean on, and someone to be there for me. I didn’t know I needed all these things until I had them. Here are 10 things I never knew I needed in a boyfriend:

  1. Someone who lets me win sometimes, but not all the time.
  2. Someone to take care of me.
  3. Someone who might not necessarily find joy in all the things I like to do, but will come with me and pretend to enjoy them anyway.
  4. Someone who will put my success and future first when the time is right.
  5. Someone who is more fearless than me, because I’m a chicken who likes to make big plans with no execution.
  6. Someone who will squash the bugs, open the jars, and make me lunch when I’m too tired.
  7. Someone who is willing to put in an equal amount of work, if not more.
  8. Someone who sees right through my mood swings.
  9. Someone who would do anything for me, but can still take care of themselves.
  10. Someone who is there, all the time, but you still miss when they leave for an hour.
affection blur boy close up
Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com