Finding Your Way Back To Happiness

Happiness is a funny thing because you don’t really know you have it until it’s gone. And you don’t really notice it missing right away. You slowly slip into this funk that you think will fade until you wake up one day and realize you’ve been indifferent about life for over a year.

Then when you find it again, it’s ¬†like waking up on the right side of the bed finally. Like you got the sleep out of your eyes and are ready to take on the world.

But if you’re not careful, you’ll start to slip again. It happens to everyone, we can’t all be happy 100% of the time. And it’s gradual again, you don’t even know the happiness is gone until you look in the mirror one day and hate everything about yourself. It’s like getting into bed and realizing you never want to get out and face the world.

So how do you find your way back?

You’ve been there before, you just need to retrace your steps. It’s the effort to do so that will really set you back. I was sad for years, it took so much work to feel good again…why can’t I just lay in bed?

And you can’t half-ass it at all. Great, you’ve got one thing going in the right direction. But that one thing can’t pull you all the way up. You have to try harder, you have to force yourself to the happiness you’re craving, but just can’t seem to find the energy to grasp.

Finding happiness isn’t easy just as slipping into sadness wasn’t easy. Sure, it may feel like it’s so much easier to fall down than get up. But think about the things that got you to sad, they are far less fun than the things that get you to happy.

Retrace your steps and put in the work, happiness is just around the corner.

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Make A List Of The Things That Make You Unhappy

I’m a list maker. If I don’t write everything I need to know or remember down in front of me, then it’s pretty much useless. Even if you’re not the kind of person that stays organized by making lists – there are some things that just need to be written down. Goals, important reminders, and a list of things that make you unhappy.

You might think making a list of the things that make you unhappy would be a pretty depressing task. It’s definitely not the most fun thing to do, but it can get you moving in the right direction.

Because when you see all of the things that make you unhappy laid out in front of you, then you automatically know what to eliminate from your life. In addition, you are even more grateful for the things that do make you happy.

It’s proven that writing things down helps you to accomplish them – so start accomplishing things and getting your life moving. Keep going forward, do things that push you. Eliminate those unhappy things on your list one by one until there’s no list left at all.

And then maybe down the road, make a list of the things that do make you happy. Remember to appreciate them. And appreciate all the negative things you’ve cut out in your life. It’s a slow process, so you need to give yourself credit for the small things you accomplish in life. Even if it’s just to stop weighing yourself because the number makes you unhappy or to stop prioritizing someone who doesn’t prioritize you. Even the smallest changes can make a big impact.

This post was inspired by this post, please give it a read ūüôā

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You’re The Only One Who Can Make You Happy

At one point in our lives, we all experience sadness. Sometimes we know why, the reason is obvious. Someone died, we lost our jobs, everything is going to hell piece by piece. Sometimes we don’t know why, we’re just sad. When we do know and when we don’t, it’s hard to get out of that sadness. It’s really difficult to climb out of that hole.

We can’t find the answers in ourselves so we look for them in other people. We reach out for helping hands, but often times we put way too much weight on them. We take all of the weight off ourselves and lose sense of who we are. All we can remember is the sadness inside, so we look for happiness in other people.

Yeah, other people can help you. Friends can motivate you, family can support you, a relationship can take some of the pressure off your back. But you are the only person who can make you truly happy.

It’s natural to want to push some of the worries onto someone else. But when you’re alone again, you’re going to end up right back where you started. You are in charge of your own happiness, no one else.

So don’t blame your friends. Don’t lean on your boyfriend for everything. Don’t yell at your family. Appreciate their help and help yourself. Step by step, you can bring yourself to a happier place. It can be a slow process. It can take months and it can take years. And it’s painful and hard, but that’s why you have people to support you while you find your own happiness. They’ll help you get to the point where you can recover from the sadness all on your own.

You can do it. Look inside yourself and you’ll see what you need to change, what’s missing, and what you need to add to get back on track. You will be happier when you get to the top of the mountain and realize you’re happy and you did it all on your own.

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Things I Shouldn’t Say About My Ex

To be a better person, there are a lot of things you shouldn’t say about your ex. You want to be better, you don’t want to be bitter.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t think the thoughts that are considered little. The thoughts that would make you seem like less of a person. Because you’ve been hurt and all you can feel is hate and sadness.

You try and say things like “good for him” and “I’m happy for you.” But you’re not happy for anyone, you’re not even happy yourself just yet.

So I shouldn’t say it, but I wish your next relationship would end just as shitty as ours. I hope you get your heart broken and your whole life becomes a mess.

And I shouldn’t say it, but I hope your career goes down the drain. I hope you start to think that you’ve only gotten as far as you have because of me.

I really shouldn’t say it, but I want your friends to turn their back on you. To see the careless person that turned his back on me.

I shouldn’t say it, but I want you to want me. I want you to realize you’ve made a mistake and what we had is what you need.

I shouldn’t say those things because they make me look bitter, bitchy, shallow, selfish, and broken. So I won’t say them to you and I won’t really wish those things upon you. Because I’m a little happy for you, I guess.

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How I Thought I Had To Be To Get A Boy’s Attention

When we think back to being young we often think of the great times. ¬†We think about how we were worry free for so long, how life was filled with ignorant bliss and simple happiness. ¬†Most of us choose to forget the part of being young that meant being really weird and awkward…

For me, sixth grade was when getting a boyfriend was really important. ¬†Not like an actual boyfriend, just someone you called your boyfriend and held hands with and wrote about in your AIM profile – “K.M. ilysm always and forever &<3;“. I know it’s different for kids now, the importance of getting attention from the opposite sex starts at a much younger age and their definition of boyfriend goes way past mine from when I was young. ¬†But from sixth grade on, getting attention from boys was a top priority.

Through social media, television, movies, magazines, my friends, my older siblings, etc; I had formed an idea in my mind of what I had to do to get boys to like me. ¬†It was really that important and as a lanky (and transitioning into the opposite of lanky) 13 year old girl I thought I needed to be a certain way for boys to like me. ¬†The way all of the popular girls got the boys to like them. ¬†Looking back, they probably had the same idea as me – they just knew how to execute it better. ¬†They also didn’t have braces and a love for Avril Lavigne that was made apparent through clothing choices.

This is something that inflicted my young and naiive self, but still impacts women my age and older to this day.  We want to please everyone by trying to imitate what the media portrays as desirable such as being:

1. Vulnerable

As a middle schooler, there had to be some sort of sadness and complexity to me that I could open up about.  Even though I was 13 and my main problem was really the fact that my orthodontist was mean to me.

2. Clumsy

I always see this on the media. Boys just fall in love with the girl that is tripping over her own feet, that always needs to be saved.

3. Innocent/shy

The girl that was too loud and overbearing didn’t seem desirable, she had way too much going on for¬†a guy to want to deal with.

4. Skinny/always done up

I think I’ve been wearing make up since the end of 5th grade when I clearly didn’t need it and probably would’ve looked better without the blue eye shadow.

5. Unique but not weird

This was so hard – you had to be different enough from the polo wearing posse to get noticed, but if you were too different you could forget about anyone ever taking you seriously.

Girls to this day – ages 8, 13, 18, 25, 45, and up – still want to be what boys want them to be. ¬†They forget their sense of self just because they’re single and aren’t getting a lot of attention.

I still find myself being guilty of it, trying to seem like someone I’m not just to reel someone in for a little while. ¬†Self love can be preached every hour of every day, but so many people believe you need someone to love you in order to love yourself. In reality, being yourself is what is going to get boys to like you. ¬†At least the ones that matter.

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