Being An Introverted Blogger

When I think “blogger” I think of peppy, well dressed women with perfect hair and perfect lives. I think of people who aren’t afraid to network, talk on their Instagram stories, and go after what they want. I think of people who love making new friends and being surrounded by constant interaction.

Yet, I’m a blogger and none of those things describe me. I don’t think there are a lot of introverted bloggers out there. I don’t have a perfect life (but that’s kind of the purpose of this blog). I don’t like networking and it sounds awful but I don’t like making new friends.

I’ve forced myself out of my comfort zone a lot by being a blogger. In some ways, I think it’s been very helpful. I’ve built up the courage to speak to my audience and I’ve made connections with a lot of people. Even though it makes me uncomfortable, it’s all part of my mission. I just want to help and relate to people and I can’t just write things down and then hole up and not respond to those people I’m trying to reach.

It’s taken me years as a blogger to do things that some people are just naturally good at. When I first started blogging, I was vulnerable on my posts but that was when only 100 people were reading. Now I have to force myself to open up a little more and not care about the consequence. I write about doubting my relationship, job, life, and friends – things everyone in my personal life can read and judge me on. But it helps other people, so I’m going to keep pushing myself to do it.

When I started influencing on my Instagram, I had to first come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like my content. I don’t have the same perfection as other bloggers. I just started speaking on my Instagram stories a few months ago and just a few weeks ago I started sharing personal struggles in my Instagram captions. But I see people relate and it keeps me going.

It’s hard to be an introverted blogger – I have to push myself outside my box while still maintaining who I am. I’ve thought about stopping many times before, but it’s helping me better myself and introducing me to such wonderful people. What more could I ask for?

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The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

When I feel like something in my life is not quite right, I try to make big changes. It must be something that takes up a large amount of my day that’s making me feel unsettled, right? I must need a new job, I must need to move, I must need to evaluate my relationships.

But big changes are not something that should be taken lightly and don’t necessarily mean you’ll be happy with the results. The grass isn’t always greener when you start a new job at a new place from scratch. It’s not always greener in a different state. And it’s not always greener being single (definitely not greener being single because dating sucks).

It’s hard not to think about bigger and better things waiting for you, to settle into your life and just accept it. To make small, manageable changes that water your grass instead of hopping over a fence to find a new life.

I think especially when you are feeling like change needs to happen, it doesn’t need to happen fast. We can’t make rash decisions when our minds are unclear in the first place. Bloom where you are planted, stop trying to escape your garden and start trying to make it better.

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What’s Making You Unhappy?

Something just isn’t quite right…but I’m not sure what it is. Do you ever look at your life because something needs to change, but you can’t figure out what it is?

It seems like a lot of good things are lined up for me. I’ve had a lot of time with my family, a lot of fun on the weekends, and have been working on bettering myself. But then there seem to be twinges of things that are not just going right – but which of them are creating so much of an impact that it’s making me unhappy?

I’ve let a lot of projects die lately. I was saying yes to as many things as I could, I was writing in a gratitude journal, I was trying to be mindful. And I don’t think those things were making huge differences in my life, but ditching them could be behind my unhappiness.

Complacency has also been a huge struggle for me lately. I have been trying to get out of my appearance rut, but haven’t been able to change anything in my daily routine. I spend a lot of time wishing the days away and then sitting on my couch and watching Netflix all evening.

Even when I get to the weekend, I have ended up doing a lot of things by myself recently and occupying my own time. I’m normally all for it, but I had been pushing myself out of my anti-social box lately and now I feel like I’m walking in circles trying to make myself happy all by myself.

None of these are huge problems. I can’t point to one and say that it’s truly making a dent into my happiness. I guess it could be all these small pebbles creating one big mountain I can’t climb. Something just isn’t quite right, but I’m not sure what it is. What’s making you unhappy?

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Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

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A Letter To My 29 Year Old Self

Dear 29 year old self,

You’re probably thinking what I’m thinking now – why 29? Why not my 30 year old self?

I think at 30 we’ll be ready to face a new chapter and age range. 29 seems like the time I’ll be freaking tf out about officially being old.

Writing this is really putting time into perspective for me. It wasn’t long ago when I wrote a letter to my 25 year old self and here I am, a few days away from 25.

Now is the time where I’m really accepting that I’m not “postgrad” anymore, I’m a full fledged adult. So I can’t imagine what will be going through my mind in four years or where I’ll be.

I will say that I know, yes, I am positive, that I will still be thriving. And I’m proud of the steps you’ve made. Whether you branched off to do something else that makes you happy or are continuing down the same path. I have a feeling things will be a lot like they are right now, only with more amazing experiences under your belt.

Please, if you’re not happy, make the changes now. You put in your work in your 20’s. It’s time to do what’s right for you.

And always remember that while the day to day can seem stressful and mundane, you HAVE to step back and look at the big picture. People love you, you have so much to live for, keep going and keep climbing the mountains to a better you.

22 year old me was wildly unsure about life, 25 year old me is almost too comfortable with where I am. You’ll never truly be happy, but live life as best you can. Time will just keep going by fast. Enjoy it. Stop hating your body and punishing yourself for things out of your control. You are enough.

Happy birthday, 29 year old self. Here’s to many more!

Love,

Me

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An Appearance Slump

I don’t know if I should chalk it up to weather or laziness, but I’ve been in a slump with my appearance.

I rarely do my hair, just throw it up in a pony or let it be its frizzy, wavy self. I put eyeliner on maybe once a week, my make up is always bare minimum. Unless I’m going out on the weekend, my appearance is always a little half assed.

Even when we go out to dinner after work or out to take a walk, I opt for sweatpants and minimal make up. Which is fine sometimes, but eventually your self esteem takes a hit because you’re not really taking care of yourself.

I can’t really blame myself for falling into this slump. I see the same people almost every day of the week. I have the same routine. What’s the point in jazzing it up and spending time getting ready when I could be sleeping?

The weather warmed up this week and I really realized the neglect I’ve been imposing on myself and the impact your appearance and inner confidence has on other people. The weather put me in a better mood so I threw on a dress and had a great day. Then I put on a skirt the next day with some lipstick and I got so many “good mornings” and another great day!

I took selfies this weekend, felt good about myself, and felt motivated enough to want to start my healthier habits of eating better and working out more. That has been a goal for me for so long, but I just couldn’t get out of the slump.

Just a little extra effort has gone a long way for me. Have you ever had an appearance slump?

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Stop Being Mad At Yourself

I haven’t been able to get myself to the gym more than once a week lately and I always feel guilty about it. But there are times when you want to go to the gym and you’re too lazy and then there are times you just don’t want to go. And I just don’t feel up to going.

And some days I eat a lot more than I should or eat things that really aren’t good for me. And I feel bad about myself even though I was just listening to what my body wants.

I just want to stop being mad at myself about these things.

Being mad at yourself isn’t going to change anything, it’s just going to motivate you less. It will just lower your self-esteem until you can’t even get out of bed or until you’re loading your plate with junk food.

Didn’t meditate today? It’s okay. Didn’t go to the gym today, yesterday, or the day before that? It’s okay. Ate a whole pizza today? It’s okay. Slept in and had an unproductive day? It’s okay.

We can’t be mad at ourselves for listening to what our bodies want. If you can’t get yourself to the gym or you keep napping after work  – it’s probably because you need it. But if you’re ignoring your body and going to the gym anyway or ignoring your body’s pleas to get active – that’s not okay.

But just stop being mad at yourself for these tiny things that just aren’t going to make a big impact on your life. There’s no reason to be so hard on yourself.

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