Dealing With Disappointment

People are going to disappoint you in life, it’s just going to happen. They’re going to lie to you, lead you on, put in less effort, hurt you, or pretend to be someone they’re not.

You’re going to disappoint yourself in life, it’s just going to happen. You’re going to make the wrong decision, you’re not going to speak out when you should, you’re going to lie or hurt someone or be someone you’re not.

The only way to deal with it is to analyze the situation and decide whether it deserves your forgiveness or not. Because not everyone will. And dropping them from your life might be hard, but necessary. And some people do deserve your forgiveness. It might be hard to give it to them. It might be hard to forgive yourself.

The hard times in life end up being the times where decisions are made that can better your life. When someone disappoints you, only weigh your feelings on the matter. No one can tell you or convince you how to feel. Then take those feelings and make the best decision for yourself.

Disappointment hurts, there’s no way around it. But in these time, put yourself first and be a little selfish. You’re the one who hurts, so you are allowed to decide how to make yourself feel better.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/babyowls/

When Is It Okay To Be Selfish?

When I was single, I decided that I was tired of being screwed over by putting other people first and getting nothing back. I decided that I needed to find my happiness alone and it wasn’t fair when people tried to get in the way and hinder that happiness. I decided to be selfish.

And it worked out so well for me. I became a healthier and happier person and didn’t let anyone get in my way. It was a couple of the best years of my life.

But now that I’m in a relationship, it doesn’t seem okay to be selfish anymore. Because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can for them and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself. But is that okay?

Or can we still be a little selfish. In the end, should we always put ourselves first? I feel like we should because when it comes down to it all, all we really have that is 100% guaranteed is ourselves. But then we feel bad for being this way. And how can you even be selfish when all you feel is guilty?

When you’re in a relationship, is it still okay to be as selfish as you were when you were single or should you really sacrifice some of your happiness for someone else’s?

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/white_ribbons/

You NEED To Be Selfish

It was when I had gotten screwed over in a relationship for the I-don’t-know-how-many-th time that I finally decided to make a change. Whether it was a different guy hurting me or hurting myself by going back to the same guy over and over again, at the end of the day I was hurting.

And that’s when I stopped caring about being selfish.

How many times can someone tell you they’re not going to do something again, then do it again? How many times will you believe them?

You so often care about other people’s feelings, but forget about yourself. And how is that even possible? To forget about the feelings of the actual entity that you are. It seems impossible, but we often allow ourselves to get hurt to save others.

It’s time to save yourself.

Being sad, being broken, being mistreated really isn’t just another part of life. It isn’t something you have to accept. You don’t have to accept anything other than what makes you happy. But we accept the sad, broken, mistreatment because we aren’t thinking of ourselves the way we should be.

Go out and get your happiness. Stomp a few hearts on the way, cut off some friendships, delete the phone numbers and unfollow them on Twitter. If they’re not helping you get where you need to go, they are unnecessary. If you’re being held back, it’s time to start being selfish.

It’s rough, it’s not always the nicest thing to do to the people you love. But how do you expect to take care of them when you can’t take care of yourself? A little selfishness goes a long way.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/maximilianmann/

Cutting Out And Keeping Out Toxic People

Making the decision to remove someone from your life is hard.  You probably have a very lengthy and complicated past with this person. A past that once may have involved happiness and love but began to bring out the worst in you.

If someone in your life is putting you down instead of picking you up, they need to go. There is no reason to keep around someone so negative. Someone who is literally stunting your growth and keeping a firm and solemn grip on your life.

Recognizing when someone is doing this to you isn’t simple. You’ve become so engrossed in this relationship. It’s easy to see the ups and downs as just something you’ve conquered together. But when there are more downs than ups and everything just seems like a downhill battle – then for their sake and yours, cut off the communication and live your separate lives.

Relapsing is always a possibility. This was someone you needed, confided in, fought for many times. And they failed you. But you wanted them so badly to succeed. You can only forgive someone so many times. People can only change to a certain extent. Don’t put all of your faith into something that can’t be changed.

If you do let them back into your life you’ll quickly realize the mistake you made. Hopefully it’s one you only make once.

I had an ex that I battled hard to get over. It took a very long time and a lot of emotional damage to get to where I am. He recently decided to text me and all I could think was how rude it was of him to intrude on my life.

Why would someone who knowingly inflicted so much pain on you try to slither their way back into your life and bring back those emotions? Because they’re selfish, they aren’t thinking of you – they are only thinking of themselves.

They’re toxic and they’ll always be toxic. Learning to recognize these people and ditch them can be the best thing for building yourself up. Don’t let anyone dictate your happiness.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/moriza/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/moriza/

Stop Denying Your Relationship

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanier67/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanier67/

It’s not uncommon to come across cheating in college. Everyone knows the drama: he’s been cheating on her for years. She knows but ignores it. They both cheat on each other and never confront it. It only strengthens the stereotype of the hookup culture and makes everyone questions how relationships work in college.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s because you made the decision to commit yourself to someone. You love to spend your time with them, you don’t get tired of them, you don’t feel your eyes wandering or the need to really be with anyone else. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have a person, someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them and would do anything for you.

If you find yourself often denying your relationship – you might have a problem.  Consistently telling people you are single, or not dating anyone, or “no, I don’t have a girlfriend – why would you ask me that?” means there is an underlying issue to your relationship.  The problem either is your relationship isn’t meant to be or the problem is you.

You can give it any other label than “relationship”. You can say it’s not official, or you’re just talking, or just hooking up. But it’s a relationship no matter which way you spin it – you’re probably just too selfish to admit it.

It’s not okay to deny your relationship. It’s definitely not okay to be asking other girls to come over at 3 am, or ask them out on dates, or text them constantly while asking to hang out a million times a day. You’re not slick, you’re not sly, and it’s not cool that you think you can get away with dating more than one person at a time when you’ve made a commitment to someone.

If you’re very happy in your relationship when your significant other is around, then you need to stop denying your relationship and give it a real shot. Stop telling other people you’re single and stop asking them to come over while insinuating a hook up.

You’re just too selfish to let go of your single self. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be hurting other people in the process. Especially someone you cared enough about to call your girlfriend or boyfriend. And you’re probably letting a good thing go by being that selfish.