When Is It Okay To Be Selfish?

When I was single, I decided that I was tired of being screwed over by putting other people first and getting nothing back. I decided that I needed to find my happiness alone and it wasn’t fair when people tried to get in the way and hinder that happiness. I decided to be selfish.

And it worked out so well for me. I became a healthier and happier person and didn’t let anyone get in my way. It was a couple of the best years of my life.

But now that I’m in a relationship, it doesn’t seem okay to be selfish anymore. Because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can for them and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself. But is that okay?

Or can we still be a little selfish. In the end, should we always put ourselves first? I feel like we should because when it comes down to it all, all we really have that is 100% guaranteed is ourselves. But then we feel bad for being this way. And how can you even be selfish when all you feel is guilty?

When you’re in a relationship, is it still okay to be as selfish as you were when you were single or should you really sacrifice some of your happiness for someone else’s?

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/white_ribbons/

Do What You Have To After A Break Up

How do I know when a girl just went through a break up? She starts posting selfies, deep quotes and poetry, and sharing Thought Catalog articles about how being alone is better (at least share my blog posts guys, come on). And then all of her relationship pictures start to fade from her social media. Her profile picture changes to a solo pic or a photo of a girl’s night out. And the status quietly changes to single.

It’s all a little cliche. That whole dying your hair a wacky color after a break up to try to change your identity. People talk about it all the time and poke fun at the girls having their poetry induced break through. They talk about how much she’s changed and how funny it is that she never used to act that way.

Well, they change because break ups change you. They force you to look at yourself as a lone person and understand who you truly are. Maybe you are a blonde at heart, a party girl, or an independent being.

Who cares what anyone else thinks? As if they’ve never had a life shattering break up, as if they’ve never hit their single and ready to mingle phase.

We’re all guilty of it, and even if we weren’t, girl, DO YOU! Do what you have to to find yourself,  to feel better and move on. If you have to make out with a lot of people, do it. If you have to talk crap on your ex, do it. If it makes you feel better I did it on a blog for all of the world to see, you can just do it in a group chat. Or start a blog. Why not?

If you have to share poetry about fueling your fucking fire, shout out Christopher Poindexter, then DO it. No one can tell you how to heal. Don’t ever feel silly about the things you are doing to better yourself and move on. I’m rooting for you and every girl who has had their life changed by a break up is rooting for you.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/samuelyoo/

Spend A Day On Your Own

I grew up being very shy and dependent. I was probably in my late teens before I could even order my own meal at a restaurant, I would always whisper it in my mom’s ear first. I didn’t think I could do anything new on my own, I was terrified at the thought.

The first time I ate alone was when I was a freshman in college, I went to the cafeteria by myself because no one was answering their phones and I was getting so frustrated with making friends. I sat by myself and a couple of kids asked me to eat with them, they ended up being kind of creepy, and I didn’t feel empowered at all. I just felt like a loser.

But not being able to do things on your own is such a debilitating fear. I missed out on plenty of things I wanted to do just because I couldn’t find anyone to go with me.

So I started forcing my hand. I would buy two tickets to a concert or one airplane ticket for a weekend trip, I left it up to fate if someone would end up going with me. And I wasn’t afraid to do it on my own. Why waste time and experiences by being dependent on someone else?

This weekend, I spent the day in Philadelphia – a place I’ve been to many times before. I went with my boyfriend, but he had plans that I wasn’t really interested in. So while he was busy, I went off on my own. I ate lunch by myself and then saw a movie by myself. I took a walk by myself and just reveled in doing something by myself that wasn’t laying in bed and watching Netflix.

If you own it, it’s eye opening and empowering to do the things you enjoy by yourself. The key to your happiness shouldn’t be in someone else’s pocket and you need to learn how to unlock it yourself before depending on other people. I encourage you to spend a day on your own, learn about yourself, and just have fun.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisschoenbohm/

How Hopeless I Felt When I Was Single

I’m not sure why being single seems like it’s the end of the world. I guess no matter how hard I looked at it, no one looked as happy when they were single as they did when they were in a relationship.

There was a good chunk of time for me when being single was like torture. There was also a time where I held onto it real tight, avoiding every relationship possible.

But I never really stopped feeling hopeless. When I was happy being single, I still got lonely. My friends all were in relationships and when they were off doing their boyfriend/girlfriend thing, I was alone. It taught me to be by myself, but it made me think I would always be by myself. When I started to become comfortable alone and do well by myself, I felt even more hopeless that I would never find what my friends had. That I would never find what I was reading about in books or binge watching on Netflix.

And when I was sad being single, I was more than hopeless. I felt that I was hard to love. There had been a time where I had given the boy I loved everything. But then I felt like I had nothing left to give.

It’s normal to feel hopeless when you’re single, whether you’re happy or sad. But even when you give up on yourself, the person that’s right for you won’t be giving up at all. It takes time, patience, and a lot of learning. But you’re not hopeless.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/james_sickmind/

You NEED To Be Selfish

It was when I had gotten screwed over in a relationship for the I-don’t-know-how-many-th time that I finally decided to make a change. Whether it was a different guy hurting me or hurting myself by going back to the same guy over and over again, at the end of the day I was hurting.

And that’s when I stopped caring about being selfish.

How many times can someone tell you they’re not going to do something again, then do it again? How many times will you believe them?

You so often care about other people’s feelings, but forget about yourself. And how is that even possible? To forget about the feelings of the actual entity that you are. It seems impossible, but we often allow ourselves to get hurt to save others.

It’s time to save yourself.

Being sad, being broken, being mistreated really isn’t just another part of life. It isn’t something you have to accept. You don’t have to accept anything other than what makes you happy. But we accept the sad, broken, mistreatment because we aren’t thinking of ourselves the way we should be.

Go out and get your happiness. Stomp a few hearts on the way, cut off some friendships, delete the phone numbers and unfollow them on Twitter. If they’re not helping you get where you need to go, they are unnecessary. If you’re being held back, it’s time to start being selfish.

It’s rough, it’s not always the nicest thing to do to the people you love. But how do you expect to take care of them when you can’t take care of yourself? A little selfishness goes a long way.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/maximilianmann/

The Hookup On: Trying Out Spritzr

This is a sponsored post. All opinions are mine.

I’ve often found that people refer to dating apps as a game, but most of the apps out there right now are not actually a game.

I came across Spritzr, a match making app, that has more fun and game like qualities than any other app out there right now. If you’re swiping through boring apps and looking for a little more fun, Spritzr is the place for you! Check it out here: https://spritzr.com/

Whether you are single or in a relationship, Spritzr allows anyone to play matchmaker. I especially like this because:

  1. My single friends are always looking to be set up.
  2. I’m missing out on all the dating app fun now that I’m in a relationship!

You can play matchmaker for your friends and help them discover what they have in common. Your friends probably know you better than you know yourself, so why not let them give it a try?

If your friends aren’t on the app, you can match community members without knowing them. You see a main user profile and several secondary ones that Spritzr suggests. If you believe any of those are a good match just drag and drop it onto the main user profile.

This is a game that even has rewards! You can make 10 matches daily and even be rewarded when a good match is done.

These dates are recommended by real people, not just random swiping through people nearby or calculated algorithms that don’t really seem to work. I was a big user of dating apps when I was single and Spritzr seems a lot more fun and a lot more friendly.

Download the app here:

Itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/spritzr-best-matchmaking-app/id947628787

Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.spritzr

Ready to try? Give me a comment below if you’re thinking of downloading the app!

hc

 

Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day

A lot of us have bitter feelings towards Valentine’s Day. For most of my life, I didn’t. Even when I didn’t have a boyfriend I still liked the hearts and fluff of the holiday. One year I was bitter and all it did was make me more miserable of a person than I already was.

Because in the end, it’s just a day. But if you want to look closely at it, it’s a day to remind ourselves to love. If you don’t have a significant other to express that love to – it’s okay! You can love your friends, you can love your family, and you can love yourself.

In my single years I’d buy presents for me also very single friends just to see them cheer up a little. And my mom would send me a little gift card to show her love. But I often neglected to look at the holiday as a time to give a gift to myself to show my love.

Self love is so hard. And to think about it all the time is just an exhausting competition with your inevitable self hate. But if you’re going to pick yourself apart all the time, at least use Valentine’s Day as the one day you’re not going to do that.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship or in between, love yourself this Valentine’s Day. Put on some lipstick or throw on an extra nice shirt for work. Tell yourself that you look good – because you do! Buy yourself a nice dinner or get yourself a little gift. That one present for yourself that you’ve been putting off for so long.

It’s a day of love, there’s no need to resent it. You have love all around you and all up in you – so express it!

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/barnimages/