When Social Media Takes Over Real Life

The way I approach social media is the following: do it for the gram, but also do it because you love it. I find nothing wrong with people sharing their adventures, selfies, and accomplishments on social media. I find nothing wrong with people traveling just because they want a great photo. I find nothing wrong with people hopping on certain trends like books, movies, or becoming more aware of what’s going on in the world just so they can chime in on social media conversation. Because it may all be for this little internet world, but there are many real life experiences coming from it.

It’s not always the case though. Sometimes our social media lives take over our real lives. And I hate to admit it, but it’s happening to me right now.

If you were to go on my Instagram right now, you’d see fun travel shots from the past. You’d see that I spent my weekend loving life and going to farmer’s markets and getting coffee. You’d see all my friends commenting and liking my photos.

But my real life is just nothing like that right now.

I’m pretty bored and the occasional coffee run doesn’t change that. Work is stressful, life is mundane, and I’m tired. So I’ve dug myself deep into the social media hole just to escape life.

Nothing really should be used to escape life. Alcohol, traveling, social media – are all things you can enjoy, but shouldn’t be used to just forget your life. And that’s what it feels like for now and I’m honestly sharing it with the world because I know other people get sucked up in it too.

I get home from work, put on netflix, and scroll through my phone until it’s time to sleep and that’s no way to live.

Sometimes social media just takes over our lives, but we have to recognize it and get ourselves out and do something for ourselves. Because social media is not going to do it for us.

woman wearing black scoop neck shirt standing in front on concrete column holding smartphone
Photo by mentatdgt on Pexels.com

Millennial Dating Doesn’t Have To Suck

All I ever see these days is how people hate the “talking” phase of a relationship. I hear baby boomers diss us for not knowing how to date and millennials despising their almost-relationships.

Meanwhile, I’ve skipped the “talking” phase all together and have gone straight to dating. Because going on dates isn’t a commitment. There is still no pressure, it is still an almost relationship, but there are no real rules.

Because believe it or not, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And if you don’t want to spend two months subtly snapchatting your crush, passively liking their instagrams, and only texting when you’re drunk – then don’t. If you want more, ask for more. Balls up and go out to dinner or get coffee or see a movie. Guy or girl, make the first move.

Anyone who reacts poorly to your first move or your detour from the “talking” phase is not the person for you. Trust me, you want someone who wants what you want. And if they want to putt around and put things on hold and not assign any sort of label to anything – even though casually dating is not a label – then they need to be kicked out of your life anyway.

And getting ghosted is awful, but so is getting rejected. If the person can’t be straight up with you, then they aren’t for you. If they rejected you, then they’re still not for you. It’s not a great feeling but it opens you up to move on.

Dating as a millennial doesn’t have to suck. There are plenty of people in relationships who skipped that “talking” phase you hate so much. Just stop calling it that and go on a first date and assess if you even like each other in real life! I’m sure “talking” works great for some people, but if you’re not one of those people then ditch it.

You don’t have to follow any rules, you can message first on Bumble and it won’t be weird. You can text her on a Monday morning even though you texted her last. Double text them if you have to.  It will be okay. If you hate a certain part of dating, then change your rules and make it work for you.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/coriehowell/

I Hate Texting

It’s no secret that everyone is glued to their phones. Some people love to bash the way we use technology. They get aggravated over cell phone use at dinner and kids always taking selfies. But really, it’s no different than when we used to plop ourselves down in front of the tv or spend 45 minutes setting up a camera to film something.

I love technology, I love social media, I love taking pictures and videos, I find phone calls uncomfortable, but I hate texting.

I got my cell phone a little bit later in life than most people. Most of my friends had them by 7th or 8th grade, where as I didn’t get mine until halfway through my freshman year of high school. I was attached to the thing 24/7 (unless I was grounded and it was taken away which happened often).

During my first real relationship, we were in contact all day, every day. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, we would text, call, and video chat with each other. It was my norm. When that relationship ended, I badly ached for someone to talk to every day like that. It was what I was used to.

So when I started dating other boys, they were kind of like a place holder. Someone to text all day so I didn’t feel all alone.

But then I grew up. And I grew more independent.

I can’t stand the thought of texting someone every hour of the day. A mediocre conversation of asking me what’s up, “nothing, I’m at work – how about you?” And then so what’s up now? “I’m still at work…”

Maybe if we all weren’t so ingrained into each other’s lives, relationships would last longer and there would be less drama. Save a little mystery and don’t tell your boyfriend you went to the grocery store to buy a bag of chips. Or talk about the fact that you walked to class and it was cold out today when you see each other in person.

I don’t want to feel obligated to tell someone everything I’m doing because most things are my business only, even if I am in a relationship. Texting sucks all of the life out of relationships. It just takes too damn long to tell stories that you could tell in person or over the phone. Where the other person can react and laugh along.

I don’t want to have to guess at your emotions and think about if you’re mad at me because you put a “.” at the end of your sentence. Everything gets so misconstrued and I’m just tired of explaining my day to someone by taking the time to type it all out with emojis and exclamation points.

I think texting every once in a while is great, but I don’t need the constant communication.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/fitzrovia/

How An Introvert Flirts

Introvert (noun): Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people.

It’s not always easy to spot an introvert, because every once in a while they poke their heads from their shells and rejoin society.  They act like going out in a crowd of people is a good time and that they always enjoy outings to the bar or a concert when really they only need social interaction like that once or twice a month.

Introverts date, flirt, converse, etc. differently than most people.

One reason for this is because introverts don’t really mind being alone. They appreciate their own thoughts and pick apart their emotions. If you were to date an introvert, giving them their alone time is key. Of course they want to spend time with you – mostly just chilling on the couch watching a movie or taking a walk in the park alone – but they also need time to digest their own feelings and self.

The way an introvert flirts is entirely different from an extrovert.  Everything is subtle – for instance, an introvert will choose to glance and smile rather than come up to you with a big hello.  They will also choose to get to know you over social media or texting, because it is easier to get comfortable with each other before meeting face to face.  Introverts would LOVE having someone nearby that they are close with on a first date, just to squash any awkwardness.

Eventually, your introvert will not be so introverted at all. They just take more time than the average person to display all of their emotions and thoughts.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmenjost/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmenjost/

Disclaimer: this is coming from only one perspective from an introvert, may not apply to all people.

Chivalry Isn’t Dead – It Just Changed

I often hear women talking about the way they would like to be treated by men. They want “old school” romance where they’re picked up at their front door, their car door is opened for them, and their meal is paid for.  They want their guy to be chivalrous – a knight in shining armor who only has eyes for them and treats them like the princess they are.

Women complain that men aren’t chivalrous at all anymore, that chivalry is just dead and gone.  There apparently is no such thing as dating, going out for dinner, or to the movies.  There are only hook ups and long texting conversations. There is no such thing as a guy who is going to treat you right and not talk to other girls.  “All guys are the same.”

This is so untrue it makes me cringe.  Imagine the things men could say about women for even thinking this way.

We live in a different time. A time where women hold a huge amount of power.  A time where women can walk to a car, open their own door, and pay for their own meal.

Stop thinking chivalry and start thinking equality. If you expect to be treated like a princess, you need to be treating your guy like a prince.  There ARE men in this world who will take you out on dates, hold the door open for you, and be everything you want them to be if you start lowering your expectations and stop thinking back to the way things used to be 20 years ago.

Not all guys are the same.  Respect demands respect and the way you act, carry yourself, and the way you date will bring you the chivalry you’re looking for.  Granted, you’ll probably run into some boys who will always be sucky people, but if you know you deserve better then you will eventually get that.

You don’t need a knight in shining armor – you are fully capable of saving yourself.  When you are aware of that, your knight in shining armor will come along (just in case you need a little back up).

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/

Falling In Love With Everyone and Everything

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze/

Everywhere we turn, there are interesting people. Walk into class, stumble into the bar, open up twitter, and scroll through Instagram. You can find someone you have something in common with in every nook of your life. So how do you choose and how do you settle?

I don’t think our generation has a problem with forming relationships.  I believe there are just so many relationships forming so often that it’s hard to focus on just one. You’re consistently making new friends and having new conversations.  Whether it’s over the phone or in person, communication IS happening. Older generations don’t understand that because they don’t understand us.  They think we sit on our phones shutting out the world, but instead we’re just learning about a whole part of it they’ll never experience.

We’re buying shots for girls we like in bars, but we’re also favoriting all of their tweets so they get the hint.  We’re having conversations with cute boys in the hallway, but we’re also adding them on all forms of social media to get the point across. The amount of communication happening in our so-called hookup culture is so exciting.  It could yield someone from settling down, but it could also introduce enough people so that we do know who we want to eventually settle down with.

I have this little problem of falling in love with, like, everyone. I met someone with cool tattoos at a party and fell in love! I saw someone on Tinder has the same favorite band as me and I fell in love! The boy who sits in the back of my class has the perfect hipster haircut and I’m in love! It’s a little problem that leads to a lot of opportunities and experiences.

I don’t want to stop meeting new people. I don’t want to stop going new places.  I want to keep stalking people on social media and I want to keep making googley eyes from across the bar.

Do it, do what you want! Start falling in love with everything and everyone around you.  Fall in love with your young life while you still can.