What Is It Like To Live In The Present?

I know a lot of people who live in the past. They are always talking about high school memories, posting #tbts, and generally just getting by on the life they already lived.

I tend to live in the future. I always want to know my next step, where I can go next, and planning for the years to come. I have a laundry list of things I want to do and I have to wait for time to pass to do them.

It makes living in the present really hard. I’m almost always worried about what’s to come. I enjoy moments, but day to day is nearly impossible. Every day is just a day closer to something I actually want to be doing. It makes life very tedious and repetitive.

What’s it like to live in the present? I know it’s not easy for most people, they either live in the past or in the future (like me) – or they do a mix of both! Which I am certainly guilty of sometimes. What is it like to enjoy the day you’re in without worrying about what you’ve done in the past and what you have yet to do in the future?

Some things that have helped to ground me are making lists of what I am grateful for that day. Another is making the most out of every day – but that really isn’t easy to do when you’re overtired from work and just want to lay in bed.

Do you have any tips on living in the present?

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gustavominas/

That Was So Long Ago

Are you one of those people that sometimes stays up until 2 AM and thinks about that really embarrassing time that you jumped off the swings in preschool and everyone saw your teddy bear underwear?

I am and that’s a true story.

I think about the sad, bad, embarrassing moments a lot of the time and work myself into an anxiety about it. I’ll stay awake until the sun rises over something that happened years ago.

And I wonder why I’m even thinking about it or why it still matters, but I am and it does. Even though I can’t do anything about it now.

I can’t do anything about it now. That’s what I tell myself every night when I’m thinking too much or on my drive home from work when I had a bad day. It’s time to start over, it’s time to wipe the slate, its time to forget about it and try harder tomorrow.

Sometimes I get anxiety when ex boyfriends try to contact me. Because every single relationship ended badly and every single guy reminds me of that. But why does it matter? Why do I care? It was so long ago. I can’t do anything about it now.

And that’s my mantra to my anxiety. It was so long ago. I can’t do anything about it now. It doesn’t always work, but I’m learning not to sweat the little things or the little people.

It was so long ago that I dated that frat boy and made a fool out of myself. It was so long ago that I shut out my family in high school. It was so long ago that I slipped and fell in the middle of the student center during the lunch rush. It was so long ago, I can’t do anything about it now. I can only try to grow and be better.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/acousticskyy/

Retiring Writing About Old Relationships

As I was writing my first How We Met post, I started contemplating who else I would write about besides my current boyfriend.

I listed the people I’ve dated and written about in the past in my mind and I just grew tired of thinking about those same old stories. Most of these people I haven’t spoken to or even thought about in years. Their impact on me has been far forgotten. So I decided to stop writing about them.

I’m retiring writing about old relationships and people that disappeared from my life a long time ago and for good reason. I’m tired of them, I’m tired of their stories, and they never really deserved that much from me anyway.

So I decided to only write about people I’ve spoken to in the last year, the people who still sort of linger. Or the people I’ve never written about, the stories I never told. Even they will disappear soon, but at least they are still relevant.

As time passes, these things seem to matter less and less. I’m sure those oldies but goodies will pop up now and then. And I’m sure the more recent people will get boring too. Time truly does help to heal wounds.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/patadeperro/

Putting Too Much Time Into Dead Friendships

We weigh our relationships by importance. Sometimes family comes first, sometimes your significant other, sometimes your friends.

The only problem with this is when we put too much weight into a friendship that has been long gone. A friendship where you have been laying on the effort and none has been given back in return.

It might be your first instinct to try to fix this dead friendship again. But more often than not, you’ll find yourself trying to fix it again just a short time later.

Stop putting so much time into dead friendships, relationships, whatever. Slow down and evaluate how much you’re really benefiting from the friendship. If it’s a whole lot of drama, a whole lot of heart ache, a lot of unanswered texts and plans that get canceled – you don’t need it.

Stop putting all your effort on one side of the scale, because you’ll see very quickly how unbalanced that friendship truly is. And more effort on your side won’t fix it. Some people just won’t value you the way that you value them. That’s okay, not everyone has to be as great as you are. But what’s not okay is giving them the time of day when all they do is drag you down.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ginevrabariosco/

 

How To Reconnect With Old Friends

Losing friends is a part of life. With any relationship, sometimes people just get distanced from each other. They fight, they grow apart, they move, they let something get in the way.

But just because you lose touch for a little while doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay apart forever. We all have some friends that we left in the past because they were just not good for us. But we all also have friends we left in the past that need to be brought into the present.

It’s not easy to reach out to people you’ve lost touch with. So much time has passed, it seems a little awkward to ask someone how they’ve been doing for the last five years. But you had a great friendship before and there’s no reason to not have it again.

You have to forgive anything that may have happened in the past. Whether it be a fight, or they stopped keeping in contact with you no matter how hard you tried, or you just haven’t made the time to see them in 10 years. You have to forgive it all. If you’re willing to rekindle the friendship, any bad blood from the past needs to be obsolete.

And you need to be open. Your friends have grown into different people just as you have. Deep down we still have parts of us that stay the same, but those are the parts you just don’t give away to people. You have to be open to the new person your friend has become.

Lastly, you need to be patient. Friendships don’t grow overnight. It’s been so long that this friendship is basically starting from the beginning. You aren’t going to hang out every day and be best buds right away. It takes time, just like it did the first time around.

It is totally worth it to reconnect with old friends who are worth your time. Don’t waste your time on the ones who weren’t really good friends, but do spend the time with the ones who have always cared. Don’t be afraid to reach out, the special people in your life are hard to come by.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/47476117@N04/

Your Bad Relationship Didn’t Waste Your Time

I think we all experience some sort of regret after a break up. It just feels like you spent so much of your life dedicated to one person when you could have been doing other things. You could have been traveling, you could have been spending more time with your friends and family, you could be meeting new people, you could have already met someone who you wouldn’t be breaking up with.

The longer the amount of time, the harder it hurts. When my four year relationship at the age of 20 ended, all I could think was how I had just wasted 1/5 of my life on someone I would never see again. All I could think about is all of the things I missed out on the past four years – all of the time wasted.

But your bad relationship did not waste your time.

It’s so much easier to focus on the sad memories rather than the happy memories – but there were happy memories. And there were lessons folded into the relationship – as well as in the break up.

You don’t have to admit it, but that person changed you. For better or for worse, they taught you more about yourself than you would have ever learned on your own.

And sure – regret is easy and time feels wasted when you knew at one point the relationship wasn’t worth it but kept trying anyway. But you can’t hang on to that regret. Because no matter how old you are, you still have time left.

Learn from the mistakes, grow from the break up, and carry on without the weight of your past relationships. It wasn’t a waste of time, it was a necessary lesson. But the more time you spend thinking about how you wasted all that time, the more time you are actually wasting right now.

Put that relationship in your pocket and continue your life. It’s hard, we’re often blinded by love and hate and sadness, but you can make up for that time. And you can do it better and bolder than you would have without the relationship ever happening.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/skedonk/

The Tools You Need To Get Over A Break Up

I would define getting over a break up as being able to think of the relationship and not shudder, being able to date and trust someone again, and fully recovered from any of the left over pain that is related to the relationship and break up.

Getting over a break up is not an easy thing to do.

I once read that you can get over a break up in half the time of the duration of the relationship. Two years ago, I was in a four year relationship that ended. I thought that two years seemed like a crazy amount of time to have to wait to get over someone. But if you factor in all the bits and pieces that you need to make you whole again after someone shatters you, two years doesn’t seem like a long time at all. In fact, it might not even be long enough.

These are the tools you need in order to get over that heartache:

1.Time

Don’t jump into something new or force yourself to feel better as soon as possible. It’s unhealthy and unproductive.

2. A rebound

Someone who doesn’t care you’re using them and someone you don’t care about using.

3. Being happy alone

You need to relearn who you are by yourself and outside of a relationship.

4. The person who will really get you out of it

Once you’ve given yourself the time, had your crazy rebound, and learned how to be happy alone.  There will be the person who will pull you out of the rest of your self-dug hole. The person that you can finally trust again, the person you have the ability to fall in love with.

Good luck.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/martinaphotography/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/martinaphotography/