Living By The Judgement Of Others

I did a few things this summer that made me stop in my tracks and think “wow that was really fun!” I went to the beach and swam in the ocean, I jumped in the pool, and I went on a few rides at a carnival.

These are all very normal things that probably everyone has done at least once in their life, right? Well I have too. I used to spend my summers in the ocean and I’d jump at a chance to go in a pool. I loved stomach-drop rides and carnival food. But I hadn’t done any of those things in years.

College made me VERY aware of how often people judge each other. And because of that, I began to live by that judgment. I’ve never liked wearing a bathing suit and I like it even less now so I just stopped swimming. And I almost just stopped having juvenile fun that is normal for people to enjoy because I cut myself off from so many things in fear of judgement.

I went in the ocean and didn’t care if my stomach jiggled a little bit. And I went in the pool without minding the fact that people will see me without make up. And I screamed my head off on a tower of terror ride and then laughed about how insane it was with my friends. It made me kind of sad to realize I’ve been missing out on this child-like fun because of the pressure to be cool.

Seriously, even when you’re 25 there is a pressure to be a “cool kid.”

I can’t tell people to turn their lives around and stop living by the judgment of others -because it’s hard. By nature, we just want to fit in. But I hope everyone has one of those moments where they realize they’ve given up too much for the sake of being cool, because I’m a lot happier now that I jumped in the pool.

pexels-photo-160097.jpeg
Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

How I Started My Style Over From Scratch

After many episodes of Queer Eye, I realized I had completely lost my style identity over the years. I am at a point in my life where my closet has a lot of influences, most of which don’t see very “me” anymore.

I have clothes from college when I was skinnier and going out a lot and I have clothes I bought because my sorority sisters looked good in them. I have internship clothes that don’t fit well and 9-5 clothes that are dreadfully boring. I have clothes I’ve bought because bloggers wear similar items. And I have clothes I bought that actually fit my never-going-to-stop-being-a-trendy-emo style.

I would scroll through my photos just completely unimpressed with how I presented myself through my outfits. As a creative person, style should be something I have fun with, not something I dread. So I started over.

I donated every t-shirt that I held on to for no reason and all the cheap internship clothes I bought because I didn’t actually need them full time yet. I sold the too-short dresses and the unflattering crop tops.

And piece by piece, when I found a good deal, price, and item I loved – I bought back a closet that felt more like me.

I looked up style inspo of people I admire and mirrored their styles with my own twist to take the work out of being a fashionista. I don’t have style naturally, I only know what I do and don’t like. Not how to put it all together.

And by getting my foot back in the door for my own style, I began to make other changes in my life. I changed my blog and social media look. I changed my attitude. I started getting back into my hobbies. It’s funny how one little change can spark a whole movement inside yourself, especially when you didn’t know why you felt so lost in the first place.

photo of woman looking at the mirror
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Making Time For Your Friends In Your 20’s

When I graduated college, my friends and I all cried over the fact that life would be so different without us living just a hallway away from each other. But I don’t think I realized how different it would really be.

We all have jobs and relationships. Some people have houses and dogs. Some of us have demanding schedules. It’s really really hard to stay in touch with your friends and it can be easy to let it just fall to the side when you know they’ll always be there for you when you need them.

But needing them doesn’t always mean you’re having an actual crisis. You need your friends a lot more than you think you do, even when you have a support system at home. It’s not the same as the comfort your friends can give you.

They’re probably going through what you’re going through and you probably haven’t taken the time to properly talk about your life with someone who isn’t with you all the tine. Your friends can help you, it doesn’t need to be a time of despair. It might just be a time where you feel like you need a little more fresh air.

It takes work – a lot more work than some people are willing to put in to keep friendships around. But it’s important work. It’s the same as the effort you need to continuously put into your relationship. You can’t just expect to put people down and pick them back up when you need them.

Send the text, make the call, put together some plans. Be the person who is always reaching out with dates to see if anyone can get together. It’s exhausting and can be frustrating – but your good friends are worth it.

backlit dawn foggy friendship
Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Being An Introverted Blogger

When I think “blogger” I think of peppy, well dressed women with perfect hair and perfect lives. I think of people who aren’t afraid to network, talk on their Instagram stories, and go after what they want. I think of people who love making new friends and being surrounded by constant interaction.

Yet, I’m a blogger and none of those things describe me. I don’t think there are a lot of introverted bloggers out there. I don’t have a perfect life (but that’s kind of the purpose of this blog). I don’t like networking and it sounds awful but I don’t like making new friends.

I’ve forced myself out of my comfort zone a lot by being a blogger. In some ways, I think it’s been very helpful. I’ve built up the courage to speak to my audience and I’ve made connections with a lot of people. Even though it makes me uncomfortable, it’s all part of my mission. I just want to help and relate to people and I can’t just write things down and then hole up and not respond to those people I’m trying to reach.

It’s taken me years as a blogger to do things that some people are just naturally good at. When I first started blogging, I was vulnerable on my posts but that was when only 100 people were reading. Now I have to force myself to open up a little more and not care about the consequence. I write about doubting my relationship, job, life, and friends – things everyone in my personal life can read and judge me on. But it helps other people, so I’m going to keep pushing myself to do it.

When I started influencing on my Instagram, I had to first come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like my content. I don’t have the same perfection as other bloggers. I just started speaking on my Instagram stories a few months ago and just a few weeks ago I started sharing personal struggles in my Instagram captions. But I see people relate and it keeps me going.

It’s hard to be an introverted blogger – I have to push myself outside my box while still maintaining who I am. I’ve thought about stopping many times before, but it’s helping me better myself and introducing me to such wonderful people. What more could I ask for?

smiling woman holding black smartphone
Photo by mentatdgt on Pexels.com

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

When I feel like something in my life is not quite right, I try to make big changes. It must be something that takes up a large amount of my day that’s making me feel unsettled, right? I must need a new job, I must need to move, I must need to evaluate my relationships.

But big changes are not something that should be taken lightly and don’t necessarily mean you’ll be happy with the results. The grass isn’t always greener when you start a new job at a new place from scratch. It’s not always greener in a different state. And it’s not always greener being single (definitely not greener being single because dating sucks).

It’s hard not to think about bigger and better things waiting for you, to settle into your life and just accept it. To make small, manageable changes that water your grass instead of hopping over a fence to find a new life.

I think especially when you are feeling like change needs to happen, it doesn’t need to happen fast. We can’t make rash decisions when our minds are unclear in the first place. Bloom where you are planted, stop trying to escape your garden and start trying to make it better.

beautiful blur fashion female
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Pressure Of Long Term Relationships

My first serious relationship was 4 years long and when I say serious, I took it very seriously. I pictured marriage and kids. Planned where we’d live, where I’d go to college, and how our lives would be.

At that point in my life, I would frequently say “why bother being in a relationship with someone if you don’t think you’ll get married?” And that was at age 18 ish.

But I can now tell you I was wrong. Because relationships are learning experiences, sometimes it takes 2 seconds to know you don’t like someone and sometimes it takes 2 years. Why should we stop ourselves from diving into love just because we don’t know how serious it will be, how long it will last, or if we’ll get married?

Long term relationships can really apply that pressure especially when you’re in your mid-late twenties where everyone is starting to get engaged and married. It makes you think that the longer the relationship goes on, the harder a break up could be. Just because you’ve been together for someone for three years, does that mean you’ll marry them?

And if you don’t end up marrying them, did you waste your own time or theirs? Is it unfair to be in a relationship if you’re not sure you see marriage down the line?

As always, I preach communication with your partner because it’s honestly something they should know so they can decide for themselves the risks they are taking. Obviously every relationship doesn’t end in marriage, the one I thought that would ended in lots of tiny pieces set on fire. So you can’t base anything off of if you’ll be spending the rest of your life together, you just have to enjoy the time you’re spending together now.

adult couple dock fashion
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Forgetting About Your Blessings

In the deep of the day, these are the things I think about: being really tired, work, running errands at lunch, trying to eat healthy, being unhappy with the way I look, what I’m going to make for dinner, taking care of the dog, and being really tired.

These are all things that cloud my mind day in and day out to the point where it seems like that’s all my life is. These mundane things that cause me stress.

But those are just aspects of my life, things that are small but seem large. When I take a step back and look at my week, my month, my year – everything is different. I see the places I’ve traveled, the friends that I don’t get to see often but love when I do, the family that understands me, the boyfriend that is just so special along with our fur baby and reptile child. I see a stable job, an apartment we decorated and pay for all by ourselves, a routine that could seem boring but in other ways is a blessing.

It’s hard to shake the day sometimes. It’s hard to see past the tough stuff, but cherish the moments where you’re sitting on your couch after a good night’s sleep with your dog by your side and the iced coffee your boyfriend bought for you. There is so much more than stress in our lives, we just can’t forget our blessings.

bracelets dawn dusk friendship
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com