Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

woman holding mirror against her head in the middle of forest
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Moving In Together – 6 Months In

After about a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend and I moved in together and I wrote about my first impressions here.

Leading up to it, I wasn’t nervous at all. I was excited to be in one place, no more traveling back and forth to see each other and leading separate lives. Everything would be more convenient and it just felt like the next step. But the day we moved in, I freaked. The weight of all that could go wrong fell on me.

We’ve now been living together for six months and a lot has happened. We got a dog, we moved past the newness of living together, we’ve settled. We’ve had friends over, we’ve stayed in, we’ve fought, we’ve enjoyed our time together, and we’ve learned to give each other space.

It all really just happens naturally if you’re not forcing it. Nothing in life is rainbows and butterflies. You’re going to load the dishwasher wrong and he’s going to throw your dry clean only pants in the dryer and the dog is going to chew up all of your socks. Though social media doesn’t quite show those things, that’s just the way life is.

It’s basically nothing like the photo I used for this blog post. It’s not perfect, but that’s okay.

Six months in and we feel very comfortable in our little apartment together with our little family. It feels right for right now, but does have me thinking about the future a lot. Being together is great, but life has other factors and questions to consider. Do we want to live here forever? No, but when can we move? Are we on the right path for our careers? Can we follow those paths together? When’s the time to make next steps? Do we have to get engaged soon? Married? AH!

Everything is moving slow right now and I kind of just want it to speed up. But that’s no way to live and I’m way too uncertain about most of life’s decisions lately to be able to hop skip and jump to the future. All I can do is try to live in the moment and know that the here and now in our relationships and our little home is great.

person couple love romantic
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

 

Vancouver Advice Needed!

I’m heading to Vancouver in a couple of weeks for a couple of days! I’m looking for any and all recommendations on what to do, what to see, and where to eat!

I enjoy (easy) hikes, all seafood and sweets, beautiful views, and fun wall murals (I am a blogger after all)!

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer! 🙂

Xoxo

Rosie

grey dome building beside body of water during sunset
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June Recap

I have a feeling summer is going to fly by before I even get a chance to enjoy it. Did June even happen? Here’s a look at what I did and what I loved:

Favorite show: Riverdale (season 2)

Favorite memory: Spending the day with my boyfriend at a winery.

Favorite place: Sea Isle City, NJ

Favorite meal: We had a date night at a farm to table restaurant where I had an awesome cheese plate and scallops!

Favorite Instagram: Me and Kaya – her first time at the beach!

Favorite Tweet: I made a list of some of the products that have helped me go plastic free!

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone!

Favorite blog post: This post about not wanting kids.

Favorite collaboration: How fun are these socks?!

What was one of your favorite things about June?

Yes, It’s True, I Don’t Want Kids

When I say I don’t want kids, everyone says: “you’ll change your mind!” or “you’re still young!” or “are you sure?”

Yes, I’m sure.

It’s one of the first things I told my boyfriend and reminded him of almost monthly to make sure he was okay with it too. Because I won’t change my mind, I really don’t want them.

If I’m being honest, it’s mostly because I’m selfish. I value my time, my sleep, my freedom, and the money I make to spend on my lifestyle. I know kids are great, I have nieces and a nephew who I love to spend time with and spoil, but I don’t have to dedicate my whole life to them. And I don’t want to do that with kids of my own.

Even adopting a dog has been a lot more responsibility than I had imagined for myself. I always vowed to never get a puppy because of the time and effort it takes. Luckily, we adopted my dog at 1 year old and potty trained – but she is still a lot to take!

Maybe (and this is a big MAYBE), when I’m 20 years older and feeling like my youth is spent, I would look into fostering or adopting. But that’s way down the road and not something I really need to put a lot of weight into right now.

I’m young and everyone expects women to have kids by their early thirties. For me, that’s less than 10 years away and a big N O. In the next 10 years I want to move out of state, I want to travel the world, I want to adopt another dog, maybe get married and maybe buy a house with chickens in the backyard. But I definitely don’t want kids.

They say my generation is opting out of having kids. If you do want them – that’s great! If you don’t – that’s also great! Make sure you have a plan for your future, that you discuss feelings with your significant other, and know that things can change. But always stick to your instincts. My generation has a lot of reasons to not have kids. We’re in debt. We haven’t even settled at a stable job yet. We can’t afford to buy a house. But the only reason I really need is that I just don’t want them.

casual fashion girl outfit
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Completed Spring Bucket List

The official last day of spring is less than a week away! The calendar timing of seasons feels much more appropriate to me because summer is just not the same as an adult and my busy season at work just ended so I can finally start enjoying my free time more. Check out what I got done in spring! What’s one fun thing you did this spring?

  1. Read 3 books
  2. Complete one crafting project.
  3. Have friends over to my new place
  4. Go on a weekend trip
  5. Plan a summer vacation
  6. Visit Longwood Gardens
  7. Reach 2,700 WordPress followers
    Only 55 away so basically completed 🙂
  8. Reach 6,600 Instagram followers
  9. Reach 900 Twitter followers
  10. Reach 600 Facebook page likes
  11. Go hiking in 2 places
    Just one, but good enough!
  12. Leave the state 3 times
  13. Hold a sloth
    Maybe in a few months 🙂
  14. Save $$$ for a dog!
  15. Start a garden
  16. Have a picnic
    Definitely adding this to the summer one!
  17. Take a walk outside once a week
  18. Maintain happiness and presence
  19. Create a photo album

Taking A Break From Traveling

I am on a traveling hiatus, only partly by choice. Life is really busy right now and there are so many other things that require money, time, and attention.

On the one hand, my break from traveling has allowed me to see my friends more. I’ve gotten more done around the house and in my own town. I’ve been really busy at work and stacking on trips on top of work would have just been way too much for me to handle (even though I’ve done it before). I have had time to myself and to just relax.

On the other hand, I’m tired of it. I need a distraction from life and traveling is usually the one thing that whisks me away and makes me happy. I keep looking at my calendar booked with hundreds of other things like appointments, work events, family get-togethers and am just underwhelmed with the way my summer is looking.

It is possible to have too much of a good thing and I was booking trip after trip after trip with no regard for my real life. I love traveling, but I need to appreciate the here and now too. The break from traveling has been an adjustment, along with many other things going on with my life, but I feel like it has been much needed.

Taking a break from traveling has been good for me, but I’m ready to get back into it! Luckily I have a trip planned in July. Where are you going this summer?

aircraft aircraft wing airplane atmosphere
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