Making New Friends

When I moved, I knew my number one struggle would be making friends. Even when I lived in New Jersey, I could have afforded to have a couple more local gal pals. But I resisted making new friends.

Everyone lived at least an hour from me which meant no one to do happy hour with or no one to do spontaneous movie nights with. Everything had to be planned weeks in advance. And while this was inconvenient, it wasn’t enough to push me to make some new friends. I settled with hanging out with coworkers every so often and mostly just making plans with my boyfriend and the dog. And then I’d see my best friends once or twice a month.

Now that I moved, I don’t think that’s going to be enough. I’m not the kind of person who can be BFF’s with my coworkers. I can be friendly and we can get drinks once in a while, but I have a hard time wanting a close friendship with them. Here, I’ll only be seeing my best friends once every couple of months. And while I love hanging out with my boyfriend, sometimes you just need girl time.

So I joined Bumble BFF and put some feelers out in my alumni groups. The problem is creating relationships from scratch. I ran into this issue when I dated too. I find it hard to create a meaningful friendship or relationship with a stranger. You didn’t know me during my hardest times, how could you possibly understand me now?

Anyway, I’m giving it a shot no matter what. I’ll attempt to go on some Bumble BFF dates and report back to you all on how it goes. At least I have my internet friends, right? 😉

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Why My Reasons For Being A Vegetarian Have Changed

I became a vegetarian in middle school. I dabbled in it for a while, then gave up, then going into my freshman year of high school I tried it again. I have been a “pescatarian” for the past 10+ years. Vegetarians don’t eat fish or meat, but they do eat cheese, milk, eggs, etc. As a pescatarian, I don’t eat meat, but I do eat fish, cheese, milk, eggs, etc.

I side a lot with being a vegetarian because I don’t eat that much fish. Some days I even border vegan because I’ve switched milk for almond milk for most of my diet. But in technical terms, I’m a pescatarian.

When I started this journey, I did it alllll for the baby animals. I have a huge heart for animals, I love them more than people, and I just wanted to do my part to help.

It was that way for a long time, but in recent years my mindset has changed a lot. I don’t just skip the meat for the animals, I do it for my health. Red meat isn’t great for you anyway, but even chicken or turkey isn’t great because of the way it’s raised. Most affordable meat options aren’t raised in healthy environments and tend to be injected with hormones. There is just something off to me about eating a chicken that grew in a cage of its own poop, never being let out.

I don’t like to preach about being vegetarian, I don’t think it does any good for me to show you videos of cows being slaughtered. Maybe when you’re young it’ll make an impact on you like it did on me, but once people are set in their ways a video they can’t relate to won’t make a difference.

I do urge people to know where they’re buying from, know what’s in your products. And that goes for everything you eat. Where were your veggies grown? What is actually in that processed crap? I’m not perfect, I don’t eat ethically or healthy all the time, but I do make an effort to be informed. I’ve always said that if I could really know that the chicken I was eating lived its years on a farm being able to grow naturally and live naturally, then I would probably start eating meat again.

But for now, that’s not a realistic expectation.

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It’s Not Always 50/50

I recently read some Twitter wisdom that really stuck with me. When it comes to relationships, everyday won’t be 50/50. Some days will, but some days all he will have is 10 and you gotta give 90 but it’s okay. Because some days all you’ll have is 10 and he’ll give 90.

I rarely feel like my relationship is 50/50 and it’s the weight of my end that I can’t carry. It makes me feel so guilty to think that I put so much on boyfriend daily. I struggle with basic tasks when my anxiety strikes, I’ve always been a little selfish because of what I’ve been through in my past, and I’m undeniably lazy.

But that’s my point of view. If you asked him, he’d name all the things I do for him. He’d count out all the days where I’ve given 80 when he’s only had 20. And maybe my bad days outweigh his, but I definitely do give sometimes. Even though it’s hard for me to give.

It’s about sacrifice, it’s about give and take. Relationships aren’t always 50/50 and they aren’t always easy. It requires work and effort to keep a relationship blooming and happy. When you get comfortable, it’s easy to lose sight of the effort you really need to be putting in to ensure your partner is happy. When you both resort to scrolling through your phones all night after work instead of having a conversation over dinner, it’s time to realize what you’re putting in and what more you can be doing.

How others see your relationship, how your partner sees your relationship, and how you see your relationship can all be very different. Which is why communication is important and why we all need to pick up the slack sometimes.

Doubting Myself

When I got the position I work in now, I simply told everyone that I was moving to take a new position. That I was staying with my company and doing a little bit more than I was doing before. I didn’t go around saying I got a promotion, I just didn’t see it like that.

It’s funny how much doubt we have in ourselves and how we truly fail to acknowledge our accomplishments. I always feel like I’ve just gotten lucky. But a promotion is a big deal, I should’ve celebrated with champagne and congratulations. I brushed it all off, though, I didn’t take the time to really appreciate my win.

When people took the time to dig a bit about my new job, I would then mention that it was a promotion. I was greeted with fist bumps, congrats, and kind words. Things I didn’t expect at all and things that truly made me feel good. Other people acknowledged my accomplishment, but I still didn’t see it that way because of all of my self doubt.

Writing this, I realize how little worth I apply to myself. How I made the move to New Hampshire alone and started a new job alone that I’m far from failing at. I actually feel at the end of each week I’m doing well, but I don’t do anything to celebrate that.

This weekend, I’m going to go out to dinner. I’m going to celebrate myself and my accomplishments. I’m going to put my doubts aside for a little bit and really recognize how far I’ve come. There aren’t many people who have done what I do at my age and it’s time I start giving myself more love.

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January Recap

Favorite show: Derry Girls

Favorite memory: Ringing in the New Year with my friends and moving to New Hampshire!

Favorite place: New Hampshire 🙂

Favorite meal: We’ve got this amazingggg mac n cheese place by us now, I’m loving it.

Favorite Instagram: Who doesn’t love a doggo selfie?

Favorite Tweet: Should I become a sugar baby?

Favorite book: I FINALLY finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and it was amazing.

Favorite blog post: My Word For 2019

Favorite collaboration: I started as a BANGS shoes ambassador – so excited! If you want a 15% off discount for some BANGS swag, let me know!

Tell me one of your favorite things about January in the comments!

 

Doing The Long Distance Relationship Thing

Temporarily, my boyfriend is living in New Jersey while I’m in New Hampshire. And while this is only for a month and not really a long distance relationship, it makes me really reflect on the people who are open to doing long distance.

My first boyfriend and I were long distance for pretty much our whole relationship. We were never more than two hours apart, but many factors ended up keeping us at a distance. When he was in college, I was in high school and when I was in college he was working and living in the city. Our relationship was forced into these spurts of time together on weekends, breaks, etc. Meaning any free time I had was dedicated to him.

And that becomes exceedingly difficult when you’re trying to put down roots somewhere. You can’t just pick up and leave every weekend or else you’ll never feel settled. And then it comes to a point where you don’t want to pick up and leave every weekend because you’re settled.

I think if my boyfriend and I were truly forced to do long distance for more than say 3 months, it would put a lot of strain on our relationship. We are both people that like to go out and do things and dedicating our free time and weekends to a 5 hour drive is just unreasonable on both ends.

I give a lot of credit to the people that can do it and I hope their quality of life and relationship are still in a good place. I’m just not the kind of person who can live off bi-weekly interactions for years at a time. But I can’t knock it if it works for other people.

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Sometimes There’s Nothing To Write About

I look at my blog sometimes and am just so frustrated with the content I’m putting out. Sometimes it’s too fluffy, sometimes it’s too bare, and sometimes it’s too dark. And sometimes there’s just nothing to write about.

While I want to have consistent blog posts for my readers and it seems like something they want that too, my life isn’t always that interesting. I’m not always having some kind of epiphany, quarter life crisis, or relationship realization. I can’t always strip down my soul and spill my guts to you all because I don’t always have something to spill. I try to be as personal and vulnerable as possible, but then I see other bloggers writing about miscarriages, divorces, bankruptcy and I feel so unauthentic.

When there’s nothing to write about, I make lists. I talk about some of my goals, my to-do lists, I promote myself and other bloggers. But it can feel cheap sometimes that I can only give an emotionally and beautifully composed piece of writing to you all every once in a while.

There are a lot of doubts when it comes to being a blogger and a lot of comparisons. I don’t feel that I fit in the stereotypical blogging niche and my audience here on the blog certainly differs from my audience on Instagram. While there is always something to take a photo of, there’s not always something to write about. So I hope everyone will bear with me through the fluff and folly while I wait for inspiration.

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