I Still Think About My Exes

I haven’t had contact with any of my exes in almost two years. Luckily, I don’t think any of them care about my blog anymore because I know they’d just be tickled to know I still think about them sometimes.

Of course I do, how could I forget? I still think of the time I got way too drunk at a casual get together in college and the time my middle school “boyfriend” broke up with me through his AIM profile. I think about everything, including my exes.

It’s just here and there, I don’t really follow any of them on social media so that made it easy to escape them. But sometimes a photo comes up in my Timehop, or I tell a funny story that included them to my friends, or I drive by a place that reminds me of them.

And I think about the good times we had a lot. It used to be only bad things, sometimes it still is. Sometimes I still cringe when I think of how many times I drunk called my most serious ex or how I completely shattered the trust of another. But I try not to cling to those things anymore and choose to remember better times. Sometimes I think about how I made the first move and asked him to our sorority date party, how I used to draw all over one boy’s arms in high school during class, how another one used to piggy back me from the driveway to my front door.

But all of those thoughts are very fleeting, that’s the key here. It is of course okay to think about your exes, they were a huge part of your life. I dated one of my boyfriends from age 16-20, that is a very defining chunk of my existence, without him it would’ve been and with him it still was.

If you think about them more than just some fleeting moments, though, you may not be ready to move on. You may not be ready to build another life separate of that heartbreak. And that’s okay too. We can’t just bury our emotions and expect them not to rise from the grave like zombies eventually. We have to accept the things that made us who we are, whether we like them or not.

woman and man sitting on brown wooden bench
Photo by Vera Arsic on Pexels.com

Dazed and Confused at 22

Your 20’s are so damn confusing that it’s even hard to explain why it’s so confusing.

Things started getting pretty complicated in the teen years. You are experiencing new things, new feelings, and growing up. You feel too young, but sometimes you feel too old. How you are at age 13 majorly differs from how you are at age 19. But nothing is really expected from you. Yeah, you need to figure out what you’re doing after high school and you have to maybe get a part time job and maybe go to college.

But when you turn 20, you’re already well into college and figuring everything out. Your path finally seems clear and you’ve settled into something.

Then you turn 21 and all of a sudden you can go to all of these bars and buy your own alcohol. But you’re also inching closer to graduation. Things start to get a little blurry.

Then you turn 22 and you need to decide EVERYTHING. Are you getting your masters? Are you moving home? Do you have a job? Do you have any money? Literally WHAT are you going to do?????

Even if you get all of that figured out, you’re put into this little waiting room of life. Your first job is just a stepping stone and your current home is just temporary. Everything has the potential to change in front of you at any time. You just kind of have to decide when that time is right. But you can’t really start what you want to do until you get experience. So you’re stuck waiting and waiting and waiting…

And on top of all that you have to juggle all of your friends who don’t live anywhere near you anymore. You’re also trying to figure out your love life since you dismissed the idea of relationships in college. You now realize relationships matter and you’re way behind on the dating game.

By the end of your 20’s, most people expect you to have a steady career. They expect you to be looking into buying a house, they expect you to be married. Maybe you’ll even have a kid on the way.

It’s the expectations that make this point in your life so confusing. Your own expectations, the expectations of those around you, and society’s expectations. It’s fun to break the rules and get a little lost. But it’s also completely terrifying. Being in your 20’s is like being on a high thrill roller coaster.  It’s totally exciting but also really scary and you’re not sure if you’re crying because you’re happy or crying because you’re sad.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lacyjaneful/