How To Actually Support Women

I think we talk a lot of talk about how we want men and women to be equal and many men say that they support women 100%. But I don’t think they really know what that support entails. I saw the following images on Twitter and was disgusted with the reaction from guys who are telling her to be more humble.

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Because I have guys in my life telling me to be more confident, that I’m beautiful, that I should stop being so hard on myself. And I don’t believe them, I have a hard time accepting my appearance and if I say “thank you” to a compliment, I’m internally saying “you’re wrong.”

But the second a girl actually loves herself and gains confidence, men and women come out of the woodwork to tear her down. So which is it? You support us, but we shouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves?

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If you want to actually support women, you have to accept them. This applies to men and women. You have to let them be themselves, love themselves. You can’t tear them down and call them sluts for sleeping with a few guys or call them egotistical for loving themselves. Because let’s be honest, if you’re posting a picture of yourself on snapchat you already know you look good in it. You have to accept that not all women are weak and in need of your help. But some are.

You have to support them all, not just the ones that fit the mold that you like.

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Why All Girls Are Players- Even If They Don’t Know It

“Boys will be boys” is a frequently used phrase – but no one ever really talks about how girls will be girls.

Girls are taught at a young age how to get what they want. We are told that when boys are mean, they like us. We are told that being pretty will get you pretty far in life. So do your hair, put on your make up, and always look your best. We are taught that we hold a special power over men – you just have to figure it out.

And although we are still often treated as the lesser sex, we do hold a lot of power. A lot of us have learned to harness that power in order to not be the lesser sex.

Yet the boys that will be boys are always the ones that are called out for playing games. For being a player, a bad guy, a phony.

But we all do it – girls just do it in a trickier way.

We don’t openly go around flirting with others and cheating on people and flaunting our power – we do it slyly. We gain all our power through quiet games instead of loud movements.

It’s exhausting though, to always feel you have to be a certain way to get the attention you need. To be constantly playing games because it’s our only chance of survival. Guys play games for fun  – we play them just to even the playing field.

Whether you know it or not – you’re probably a player. Any time you’re trying to level yourself out by upping your game and being someone other than yourself to get what you want – you’re being a player. It may not be a bad thing, because it may be necessary. But just remember your true self is great, too, and when you get tired of playing you can just be yourself.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/my-other-eye/

Let Me Selfie

It’s a selfie revolution. First came the front facing camera, then the selfie stick! We no longer have to twist our bodies into odd positions to get our full outfit or set the self timer on our digital cameras.

The selfie has come a long way, it isn’t something new. We stretched out our arms and hoped that the picture would develop the way we wanted on our disposable camera. We scanned them into our computers to post them online. Myspace and digital cameras had us taking pictures of ourselves and commenting “pc4pc?” under other people’s pictures in order to get more likes.

Some view the selfie in a negative light. They call it self-absorbed and narcissistic. They say we’re showing too much cleavage, or judge for only showing half your face, or hate how many pictures we take of ourselves in general.

I say, just let me selfie.

In a world where everyone is always telling me I’m too fat or too skinny. That my butt isn’t big enough or my lips are too small. That my contour doesn’t look right or my hair is gross. Where everyone strives to be as pretty as the women in magazines and are struggling to love themselves – let me take a selfie.

Let me feel good for one solid moment. Let me throw on a filter and ask for likes on Instagram. Let me feel skinny, pretty, and perfect. Stop telling me I’m a slut or an attention whore or desperate just because I put pictures of myself on the internet.

No one is good enough anymore unless they’re photoshopped or some sort of celebrity. We’re all striving to be something else all the time and it’s exhausting. This world is filled to the brim with negativity. So, for at least a moment, let me take a selfie and be happy with myself.

 

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/infomastern/

 

How I Thought I Had To Be To Get A Boy’s Attention

When we think back to being young we often think of the great times.  We think about how we were worry free for so long, how life was filled with ignorant bliss and simple happiness.  Most of us choose to forget the part of being young that meant being really weird and awkward…

For me, sixth grade was when getting a boyfriend was really important.  Not like an actual boyfriend, just someone you called your boyfriend and held hands with and wrote about in your AIM profile – “K.M. ilysm always and forever &<3;“. I know it’s different for kids now, the importance of getting attention from the opposite sex starts at a much younger age and their definition of boyfriend goes way past mine from when I was young.  But from sixth grade on, getting attention from boys was a top priority.

Through social media, television, movies, magazines, my friends, my older siblings, etc; I had formed an idea in my mind of what I had to do to get boys to like me.  It was really that important and as a lanky (and transitioning into the opposite of lanky) 13 year old girl I thought I needed to be a certain way for boys to like me.  The way all of the popular girls got the boys to like them.  Looking back, they probably had the same idea as me – they just knew how to execute it better.  They also didn’t have braces and a love for Avril Lavigne that was made apparent through clothing choices.

This is something that inflicted my young and naiive self, but still impacts women my age and older to this day.  We want to please everyone by trying to imitate what the media portrays as desirable such as being:

1. Vulnerable

As a middle schooler, there had to be some sort of sadness and complexity to me that I could open up about.  Even though I was 13 and my main problem was really the fact that my orthodontist was mean to me.

2. Clumsy

I always see this on the media. Boys just fall in love with the girl that is tripping over her own feet, that always needs to be saved.

3. Innocent/shy

The girl that was too loud and overbearing didn’t seem desirable, she had way too much going on for a guy to want to deal with.

4. Skinny/always done up

I think I’ve been wearing make up since the end of 5th grade when I clearly didn’t need it and probably would’ve looked better without the blue eye shadow.

5. Unique but not weird

This was so hard – you had to be different enough from the polo wearing posse to get noticed, but if you were too different you could forget about anyone ever taking you seriously.

Girls to this day – ages 8, 13, 18, 25, 45, and up – still want to be what boys want them to be.  They forget their sense of self just because they’re single and aren’t getting a lot of attention.

I still find myself being guilty of it, trying to seem like someone I’m not just to reel someone in for a little while.  Self love can be preached every hour of every day, but so many people believe you need someone to love you in order to love yourself. In reality, being yourself is what is going to get boys to like you.  At least the ones that matter.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmichaels/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/carmichaels/

Making The First Move

Guys deserve a lot of credit for making the first move.  It’s just what is expected in society, that guys will approach a girl first. They’ll ask for their number and have to make the phone call. They ask her to dance or out on a date. It’s mostly all up to the guy to move something forward.

That takes a lot of guts.  You are pushing all of your insecurities behind a mask to make a good impression on someone.  And if they don’t like you? Was it your hair, did you smell, did you say the wrong thing? You’re putting your whole self esteem on the line.  Girls can be too fragile to do something like that (unless we’re drunk) because we are constantly being shamed by society. I can’t even imagine all the thoughts and emotions that would flood a girl’s head after being rejected when making the first move. I’m sure guys experience a whole lot of emotions and thoughts too, so like I said, I give them credit.

I don’t know if that’s something we should take entirely personally. Sure, someone is making a snap judgement on you but there are so many variables that could be put into place.  The person you’re hitting on could be in a relationship, they could be in a tough place in their life, they could forget you met, they could just not feel the vibes, or you’re not their type.  There are so many reasons not to take rejection personally.  Therefore, I think we should all put our hearts on the line a little more often.

As a girl, I have on many occasions bought someone a drink or told them they were cute to get them to come talk to me. Many of these times were promoted by liquid courage, but it’s something I would like to be able to accomplish sober. Why should it bother me that someone didn’t like me?  I don’t like everyone I meet either.   They say if you never try then you’ll never succeed – so give it a shot and make the first move.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/

Chivalry Isn’t Dead – It Just Changed

I often hear women talking about the way they would like to be treated by men. They want “old school” romance where they’re picked up at their front door, their car door is opened for them, and their meal is paid for.  They want their guy to be chivalrous – a knight in shining armor who only has eyes for them and treats them like the princess they are.

Women complain that men aren’t chivalrous at all anymore, that chivalry is just dead and gone.  There apparently is no such thing as dating, going out for dinner, or to the movies.  There are only hook ups and long texting conversations. There is no such thing as a guy who is going to treat you right and not talk to other girls.  “All guys are the same.”

This is so untrue it makes me cringe.  Imagine the things men could say about women for even thinking this way.

We live in a different time. A time where women hold a huge amount of power.  A time where women can walk to a car, open their own door, and pay for their own meal.

Stop thinking chivalry and start thinking equality. If you expect to be treated like a princess, you need to be treating your guy like a prince.  There ARE men in this world who will take you out on dates, hold the door open for you, and be everything you want them to be if you start lowering your expectations and stop thinking back to the way things used to be 20 years ago.

Not all guys are the same.  Respect demands respect and the way you act, carry yourself, and the way you date will bring you the chivalry you’re looking for.  Granted, you’ll probably run into some boys who will always be sucky people, but if you know you deserve better then you will eventually get that.

You don’t need a knight in shining armor – you are fully capable of saving yourself.  When you are aware of that, your knight in shining armor will come along (just in case you need a little back up).

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/

Stop Slut Shaming

As the weather gets warmer, I’ve seen more and more posts like this on Facebook about girls in high school being sent home for the clothes they are wearing:Screen Shot 2015-05-16 at 10.24.12 AM

It makes sense, to be upset because you’re getting in trouble for wearing a strapless shirt, or your bra straps are showing, or you’re wearing ripped jeans. The only thing that this is telling girls is that their shoulders are sexual and their knee caps are distracting.  Meanwhile, guys can kind of wear whatever they want. And then I see comments like this:

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Why is it okay to assume and call high schoolers, or anyone for that matter, a slut? You can’t tell girls that they won’t be respected because they’re proud of their bodies and they enjoy dressing up to make themselves feel pretty in a world where everyone is telling you you’re too fat, too skinny, and now apparently, too slutty. What constitutes dressing as a hooker and looking like a hoe? Because you can see part of my stomach or because my cleavage is showing? Body parts that are literally just that – body parts.

I support dressing appropriately for things like work and school, just because it’s expected in that environment.  But stop telling girls they’re too sexual because their outfits don’t fit the dress code.  Stop calling women sluts and hoes because they’re proud of what they wear and how they feel. Stop slut shaming. Maybe then we wouldn’t have to worry about all the insecurities and pressure girls face once they leave high school and join the real world.