When I was in high school, if you asked me what I did for fun I could name a few things. I liked reading, writing, going to concerts, and hanging out with some of my friends. If you asked me what I did for fun in college I would say I like getting drunk with my best friends, I like writing, I like meeting new people.
If you asked me now, I think I would struggle a little bit. Because I still love going to concerts and seeing my friends. But I’m not too keen on alcohol anymore. I like going new places and I like writing, but both almost feel like a job to me now. My passion projects have turned into work.
I accidentally forgot to have fun because things have become so different after I’ve spent a few years out of college – I don’t know what to define as fun anymore.
I’ve picked up a few things that I like doing. I like knitting/crocheting and cross-stitching (even though I’m not great at it). I am trying to pick up reading again. And I’m trying to find joy in writing and traveling again.
There’s a lot of pressure when you work 5 days a week to make the most of the time you’re not actually working. I didn’t think it was possible, but there is a pressure to have fun that makes having fun not fun.
So I’ve taken a step back, again, to draw a very very very thick line between work and play. I need to go with the flow and just learn to have fun again.
I always want change. I want to go places, do things and keep the ball rolling. I want to know a majority of what life has to offer. I don’t want to settle down, the thought of getting married and buying a house and dedicating myself to one thing for a long time is simply terrifying,
And I don’t understand people who are just satisfied. People who have a couple of kids, buy a house, and intend to stay there for 20 years. People who work at the same job their whole life. People who don’t use up their PTO or use it to go to the same place they’ve been 100 times before.
In a way, I wish I could be satisfied. I’m sure it’s easier when it comes to decision making and just in general finding happiness. But I just don’t understand people who settle down and don’t see any problem with it. Do they not get jealous of the people who are all over the world, the people who aren’t tied down?
I could just get back from an awesome trip and scroll through my Instagram feed and get antsy all over again. I just want more and while I’m happy for anyone who is happy, I just don’t get satisfied people.
I think there is a lot of pressure to be happy. When you work somewhere, when you’re out with your friends, when you’re in a relationship…everyone assumes that because of where you are, you should be happy.
But that’s really not always the case and it’s not always because of the people around you. You might be sad. And it’s not because you don’t have a great job, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends or family. It’s just because at this moment in time you don’t feel all that happy, and that’s okay.
It’s hard to admit you’re just sad especially when you can’t pinpoint the reasoning behind it. Then people don’t understand, they blame themselves and they blame you. But sometimes life gets stagnant, sometimes you didn’t sleep that well for a week, sometimes you feel a little lost and all of that builds up to a sadness that isn’t anyone’s fault.
And the more we deny what we’re feeling, the more we convince ourselves that we should be happy so we are happy, the more sad we actually get.
It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to tell people you feel sad. No one is 100% all of the time and I can almost guarantee the moment you admit your feelings will be the moment that a lot of things come into perspective A step out of feeling sad.
It’s a lot of pressure, life. Everyone’s always trying to one-up each other in their woes and tragedies. But no matter what your situation, whether it be life and death or a flat tire. It’s okay to be sad, stressed, and overwhelmed.
A lot of the time, I see couples that I never want to end up being like. I can tell they’ve been in it for a while and as time as passed they just grew comfortable enough to never give their relationship up.
And then some of the time, I see couples who got it right. They’re in love and happy 20 years later, they’re with their best friend.
But how do you know what you’re doing is what’s right? Is it just luck that you gave the right person a chance, that you didn’t veer from the course even though you wanted to? I don’t understand how people know if they should stick with something or see what else is out there.
Especially now, in a time where options are everywhere. And it’s not just relationships. It’s jobs, it’s where you live, it’s what dog you adopt, it’s anything that you have choosing power over. How do you know that this job will be the best one you ever have? What if you quit for something that seems like a better opportunity, but actually ends up being a dud?
There are pages and pages of job opportunities. There are states and countries we are free to move to at any time. There are dating apps and social media and a frenzy of people at your finger tips. Something may feel right right now, but how do you commit to something when you don’t know what it will feel like in 6 months, a year, 10 years?
So how do you know what you’re doing right now is what’s right? How do you choose to stick with it when there are endless possibilities in the world?
Sometimes I find myself lying in bed at night and really unhappy with the way things are going for me. But I just can’t pinpoint what is making me feel that way. I think routine has a lot to do with it.
While others thrive on the 9-5 work schedule, three days a week gym regimen, and staying at home to tidy up on the weekends – I. Can’t. Stand. It.
Every day I wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, take a nap, go to the gym, go to bed. Nothing ever changes and when it does, it doesn’t make a big enough impact on my life for me to feel like I’m changing it up.
And the more routine my life gets, the more boring other aspects of it become. I start wearing less make up, start caring less about how I look. I don’t get as excited for vacations because I know the routine is just a three day weekend away.
I like planning ahead, I like knowing what my week is going to look like. What I can’t stand is the consistency of boredom, the feeling that things might not ever change. And then I’m reminded to switch things up. I start wearing lipstick to work and do something fun on a week day night.
But eventually, since my life inevitable revolves around routine, I fall back into my boring and unhappy ways. Routine may be helpful to some, but it sucks for me.
Most people hate Mondays. And I understand why. You come back into work from a fun weekend with tons of emails and a lagging brain.
But I don’t hate Mondays. I like coming in refreshed from the weekend and catching up on everything. It’s Tuesdays, the day where all of my work piles up on me, that really causes me a lot of stress.
It got to the point where the dread was so heavy that I needed to figure out something to do. Our office tries to not wear black on Tuesday, because let’s face it we all wear black probably way too often. But apparently it’s also bad for your chakra – I don’t know if this is true, but I can’t really afford any more bad juju.
I also took it upon myself to wear lipstick on Tuesdays. It is just the one thing that makes me feel pretty and the one thing that brightens my day. I start my Tuesdays with a bright pink smile and that makes it just the tiniest bit better.
It’s the little things that make a big difference. We can’t always make the changes we want, I can’t just not come into work on Tuesdays. But I can make the whole experience a little brighter and better.
And that’s how I try to approach everything in life. I might not be able to change the bad things completely, but I can make them a little more bearable if I try.