What I’ve Learned After 1 Year Of Being In A Relationship

So I had taken about three years off from committed relationships before diving into the one I’m in now. The last real committed relationship I was in lasted four years and this one has just hit the one year anniversary! ūüôā

I learned a lot about myself in the time I spent casually dating and being single. It took me a long time to recover from my last break up, to find myself, and to open up to someone again. So here are the things I’ve learned in the one year I’ve been in a relationship:

  1. No two people are the same – don’t compare your current boyfriend to your ex.
  2. Being alone is still very important, you can’t spend all your time with your significant other without going nuts.
  3. There will be doubts, you just have to know if they’re valid or not.
  4. Communication will save your relationship. Be honest, always.
  5. You’ll drift away from your friends. That’s a big part of being in the honeymoon stage and growing older in general.
  6. No one is as happy as they make themselves seem on social media. Everyone fights, bickers, and gets annoyed at each other.
  7. Always show appreciation. I am constantly surprised by how patient my boyfriend is with me and I never stop thanking him for it.
  8. Be yourself from day one. I was weird when we went on our first date and I’m probably a little weirder now, but there were no surprises as the relationship went on.
  9. Being in a relationship isn’t like being in a jail. I used to cringe at the thought of being tied down, but it’s really not bad when you find the right person.
  10. Take everything at your own pace. People all around me are getting engaged and buying houses. But I’m a slowpoke when it comes to big steps and that’s okay!
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How Stress Affects Me

We all get stressed in different ways about different things. This can come as a challenge when you are constantly interacting with different people. We have friends, family, relationships, and coworkers who all get stressed about different things and in different ways. Yet, we still have to figure out how to deal with it.

When I get stressed, I kind of shut down. In light stress situations, I used to be able to make lists and do things that cheered my up before everything got too heavy. But when time isn’t on your side, it’s relatively easy to let things get too heavy.

I’ve never been one to communicate well ¬†verbally, even in happy situations. But when I’m stressed, I can barely communicate at all because my brain is chatting to itself constantly.¬†I just don’t take the time to talk to anyone and a lot of my friendships and relationships get impacted by this. I don’t know how to push aside the overthinking to make room for other conversations, whether they are about what I’m stressed about or not.

The challenge to understand how others stress is difficult. Of course we all have our own problems and of course we all want to help our loved ones when they have problems. But how do we juggle it all? It seems possible to some people, but extremely impossible for me.

Leave me a comment about how stress affects you or how you deal with it!

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Why We Forget To Take Care Of Ourselves

We often stop and think to ourselves about how stressed out we are. How tired we are. How we could just use a day off.

But we never really stop and think that we need all of those things because we’ve stopped taking care of ourselves. We just think that it’s been a busy week, or a lot has been going on at work, or you’ve been fighting with your friends this week. But it will all pass.

The truth is, it won’t pass unless you realize that you’ve completely forgotten about your own self care. All of your current emotions are linked to things in your life such as work, school, relationships. But how are you feeling? Have you taken care of you?

We forget to take care of ourselves because there’s so much going on in the world. And we are just a small piece¬†of it.¬†We think all of these outside things make up who we are, that if we take care of those things then everything will fall into place. But if you don’t take care of your mind or your body or your soul – then you can’t take care of work, or friends, or family, or school either.

We forget to take care of ourselves because we are so busy looking after other people. But how can you be there for someone if you aren’t even there for yourself?

Be grateful and be there for people. Most importantly, though, be grateful for who you are and take care of yourself. If you’re stressed, or tired, or need a day off. Recognize those things as a¬† need to take care of yourself more, not just something that’s going to pass over time. Don’t live your life thinking everything is temporary, you need to be mindful of your current state and where you will be going from here. Take care of yourself.

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Don’t Make Me Feel Crazy

Women are called crazy, like a lot.

In a lot of cases, but not all, men make us crazy.

I’ve embraced my little insane side, I have embraced that there are things that grind my gears and that I’ll blow up at. It doesn’t matter what gender you are – we all have a little bit of crazy in us.

One of the things that drives me nuts in a relationship is when you feel there is a problem, but your partner doesn’t see it. They act like you’re making it up in your head. You took the time to express something that made you unhappy and they just shrug it off as you being crazy.

An example of this is when there is cheating in a relationship or some kind of mistrust. One person senses the weirdness, the other one insists that nothing is going on. You become convinced that you are just creating problems in your head. That disconnect will drive you crazy.

But an argument like this can happen at any time over any thing. Even if there isn’t mistrust or cheating or a miscommunication – shrugging off an argument can occur at any time.

Don’t make your boyfriend or girlfriend feel like they’re crazy. Acknowledge their concerns and address them the best you can. Because when you make them seem minimal or see them as made up – your relationship will take a hit. If someone feels that something is wrong, even if it’s so out there or so¬†small, there is something wrong to them. And you need to make them feel better about it.

Don’t call us crazy. Don’t make us feel like our problems don’t exist. Relationships take communication and work. Even if you don’t see what they see, you need to start learning how to try to feel what they feel.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/deanaia/


How To Reconnect With Old Friends

Losing friends is a part of life. With any relationship, sometimes people just get distanced from each other. They fight, they grow apart, they move, they let something get in the way.

But just because you lose touch for a little while doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay apart forever. We all have some friends that we left in the past because they were just not good for us. But we all also have friends we left in the past that need to be brought into the present.

It’s not easy to reach out to people you’ve lost touch with. So much time has passed, it seems a little awkward to ask someone how they’ve been doing for the last five years. But you had a great friendship before and there’s no reason to not have it again.

You have to forgive anything that may have happened in the past. Whether it be a fight, or they stopped keeping in contact with you no matter how hard you tried, or you just haven’t made the time to see them in 10 years. You have to forgive it all. If you’re willing to rekindle the friendship, any bad blood from the past needs to be obsolete.

And you need to be open. Your friends have grown into different people just as you have. Deep down we still have parts of us that stay the same, but those are the parts you just don’t give away to people. You have to be open to the new person your friend has become.

Lastly, you need to be patient. Friendships don’t grow overnight. It’s been so long that this friendship is basically starting from the beginning. You aren’t going to hang out every day and be best buds right away. It takes time, just like it did the first time around.

It is totally worth it to reconnect with old friends who are worth your time. Don’t waste your time on the ones who weren’t really good friends, but do spend the time with the ones who have always cared. Don’t be afraid to reach out, the special people in your life are hard to come by.

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To The People Who Don’t Take Their Own Advice

You can dish it out, but can you take it?

We’re all pretty wise in our own ways. And it’s extremely valuable to listen to the experiences of others, because one day you might have an experience similar to theirs.

No one really ever wants to listen, but when advice is asked for and given, it will in some way sink in. Even if it doesn’t happen immediately, your advice will eventually resonate with someone.

But does it ever resonate within ourselves? We have all these life experiences that we explain to others in hopes of helping them. But we never learn from our own life experiences. We never know how to help ourselves.

You can listen to the advice of others as much as you want – but no one knows you as well as you know yourself. And I’ve heard it all before, when you meet someone you think knows you sooo well, you listen to them before anyone else.

But you should ALWAYS listen to yourself first. And if you’re truly listening, if your life experiences are truly resonating, then you shouldn’t be afraid of doing the wrong thing.

Because without your own advice, chances are you’re already doing the wrong thing. The advice you give others is great – but try giving it to yourself every once in a while.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mike-p/

I’m Not Sold On Relationships

I’m not sold on relationships.

I’m not sold on the idea of only being with one person for the rest of your life. Because I’m only in my 20’s and feel like I’ve been 10 different people already. How can someone tolerate that much growth in their self, let alone someone else? Plus all I’ve seen is the divorce rate sky-rocket.

I’m not sold on fairytale romances where you meet “the one.” There are SO many people in the world and we’re only exposed to a small portion, even with the Internet. What are the chances you met “the one” at college in your home state?

I’m not sold on dedicating your life to someone else. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be a little selfish, but in a relationship you shouldn’t be selfish at all.

I’m not sold on the dynamic most relationships adapt. Just settling into the first thing that comes your way, changing your dreams for someone else. You had plans to move out of state after graduation, but you don’t because of the relationship. Sure, it’s not a huge loss because you’re happy where you are. But it is a little bit of a loss – it’s still a “what if.”

I’m not sold on relationships, but that doesn’t mean that there’s not someone somewhere out there that can change my mind.

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