A response to my very old series of endings called I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view it here. This will be a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1 and part 2.
The first time I saw you we were at a party and I gushed over your cool tattoos. I tried all sorts of hard to get your attention, but you went on your way.
I swear I didn’t see you again until 6 months later, I was kind of convinced you were some sort of mythical creature I had made up in my head. You had just disappeared. But there you were, in front of me once again, cool tattoos and all. And I didn’t know what to do.
It made no sense to gush again. But I was just so shy – I’ve always been a weird kind of shy – and couldn’t work up any nerve to talk to you.
So I resorted to elementary school behavior and told my friend, who was also your friend, that I thought you were cute. He relayed the message and you found your way to me. I was still too shy. We awkwardly stood in a corner trying to chat. I was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt and I’m pretty sure we tried talking about it for 15 minutes straight.
We met at a party and then again at another party. I convinced myself you were this perfect, tattooed god. But when we were talking in that corner, awkward and shy on my part, is when I should’ve realized we had absolutely nothing in common and that’s absolutely bad news in the long run.
A response to my very old series called I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view part one here, a series about endings. This will be a series focused on beginnings.
I think the very first time we met was freshman year of college, but I can’t put my finger on when. It could’ve been in class, I could’ve strolled past you in the cafeteria, maybe bumped in to you at a party.
Truth is, I think we’ve had our first meeting so many times because we never let it get deeper than a “hello.”
I know I had a class with you, I remember you giving presentations about your blog project. But I also remember being entirely wrapped up in my own world. Because when I was a freshman, I had a boyfriend and gave almost no one the time of day. And when we had this class together, I was a junior and gave all the wrong people the time of day.
Then we met again. Because our friends became friends and then we sort of became friends. And I was still wrapped up in my own world. We were all graduating college soon, life was about to change and I was ready for it but not ready for it. You tried to pull me in, and like anyone that resembled any sort of serious commitment at first glance, I ran far away.
And we met again, at homecoming a couple of months after graduation. You told me all about your girlfriend and I hit on your best friend. Oops. But you were a friend of a friend of a friend and I told you I was happy for you.
We met again in the online world. You tweeted at me a lot and I thought it was weird. You still resembled that commitment I just couldn’t quite make. I was getting older though, growing out of the people I should’ve never grown into. I got drunk and slid into your DM’s.
The first time we met, not as friends of friends of friends, I almost ran you over in the parking lot because I seriously was not paying attention. I also paid for parking in a garage that was free after 5pm. And then I ordered a tuna burger and there was just juices and seeds and tuna all over my hands and face. Then it started to rain and we went to the bar and you ordered a beer, I got a water, and you felt so bad that I didn’t get a drink too.
And when we both started to think that everything was going wrong, we turned the whole night around. We met many times in the past 5 years. But the awkward smiles and polite conversation we endured was just for the time being. Because when I was ready and you were ready, we met again and it was perfect.
We, as humans, need gratification. We need to be told we are doing things well, it inspires us to do better. Whereas constant negative criticism, though it makes us want to fix our mistakes, often makes us do worse.
But we just don’t always get the credit that we think we deserve.
Whether it be at home, in your relationship, at work – we aren’t recognized as often as we’d like to be and this can put us in a weird place. Because as much as we’d like to think we’re independent and can do things on our own, the motivation of others is what really pushes us in the end.
So when your boyfriend takes care of you all week when you’re sick, tell him how much you appreciate him. Little words go a long way.
And when your boss isn’t giving you the praise you need, maybe you need to adjust the way you are working. Make it so that you cannot be ignored. I have always believed that there is nothing wrong with tooting your own horn, especially if other people neglect to do it for you.
We don’t always get the credit we deserve and it can be disheartening. All you can do is recognize what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong. And strive to be the best person you can be. Relying on other people will never turn out the way you want it to. When they fail you, know that you can rely on yourself.
We weigh our relationships by importance. Sometimes family comes first, sometimes your significant other, sometimes your friends.
The only problem with this is when we put too much weight into a friendship that has been long gone. A friendship where you have been laying on the effort and none has been given back in return.
It might be your first instinct to try to fix this dead friendship again. But more often than not, you’ll find yourself trying to fix it again just a short time later.
Stop putting so much time into dead friendships, relationships, whatever. Slow down and evaluate how much you’re really benefiting from the friendship. If it’s a whole lot of drama, a whole lot of heart ache, a lot of unanswered texts and plans that get canceled – you don’t need it.
Stop putting all your effort on one side of the scale, because you’ll see very quickly how unbalanced that friendship truly is. And more effort on your side won’t fix it. Some people just won’t value you the way that you value them. That’s okay, not everyone has to be as great as you are. But what’s not okay is giving them the time of day when all they do is drag you down.
When you’re in a not-so-great place, it is not easy to find five things that will cheer you up. But as you grow, you begin to add to that list. You find more and more things that help put you in the direction you want to be in. The direction of happiness.
Here are five things that made me a happier person when I was a not so happy person. And here are six things that make me a happier person now that I am in a better place:
Celebrating every little thing We accomplish things on a daily basis and those things should be recognized. You and the people you surround yourself should be proud of everything that you work for. So if you got a raise at work, or hit a goal you’ve been working towards, or just got out of bed today – pop a bottle of champagne because you deserve it.
Writing down what I’m grateful for Every day I write 10 things I am grateful for in what I call my gratitude journal. Sometimes it’s not easy to come up with 10, sometimes it is. It really makes me reflect on the great things I have in my life.
Picking up an activity that clears your mind
This should be something you can do alone. Get a coloring book. Read a book. I recently started going to yoga classes, but now I can try and practice that alone at home as well.
Setting achievable and reach goals
Ever since I started writing down what I want to achieve, I started accomplishing more. It’s easy to accomplish something like “change my hair in the month of January” and I still feel the reward. It’s a little harder to accomplish things like “get a raise at work” but writing it down will get you there.
Letting go of the things I can’t change for people
I used to feel guilty, a lot, because I’m introverted and often just don’t enjoy going out every weekend or making non stop plans. I am starting to put things into perspective where that’s a part of me that doesn’t need to change and everyone just needs to accept it.
A positive mindset
It seems so simple, but we go into most things negatively whether we mean to or not. Do you want to be happier this year? Then think happy thoughts as often as you can.