My Millennial Work Ethic

The stereotypical millennial is lazy, entitled, ruining relationships, and most of the things that were built for us. This stereotype mostly comes from the fact that we do things differently than our parents.

I went to college, got an internship when I graduated, got a job then got a better job. Not exactly what I call lazy. I started paying off my stereotypical millennial student loans and immersed myself into the 9-5 culture.

And it’s not easy for me. It’s not easy to work 5 out of the 7 days a week, to work for most of your life, to make your job your (basically) number one priority. It’s not easy for me to wake up early in the morning then work nonstop until it’s time to go. You don’t go at your own pace, there is a schedule and rules and you are supposed to follow them.

So in some ways, I’m the stereotypical millennial who wants to make their own schedule and work from my bed. Is it realistic? No, but a girl can dream!

Just because we dream, doesn’t mean we’re lazy. And it doesn’t mean all of us have the same dream. I know many people who thrive in a pressured 9-5 environment, but I’m just a stereotypical millennial when it comes to this!

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Millennial Dating Doesn’t Have To Suck

All I ever see these days is how people hate the “talking” phase of a relationship. I hear baby boomers diss us for not knowing how to date and millennials despising their almost-relationships.

Meanwhile, I’ve skipped the “talking” phase all together and have gone straight to dating. Because going on dates isn’t a commitment. There is still no pressure, it is still an almost relationship, but there are no real rules.

Because believe it or not, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And if you don’t want to spend two months subtly snapchatting your crush, passively liking their instagrams, and only texting when you’re drunk – then don’t. If you want more, ask for more. Balls up and go out to dinner or get coffee or see a movie. Guy or girl, make the first move.

Anyone who reacts poorly to your first move or your detour from the “talking” phase is not the person for you. Trust me, you want someone who wants what you want. And if they want to putt around and put things on hold and not assign any sort of label to anything – even though casually dating is not a label – then they need to be kicked out of your life anyway.

And getting ghosted is awful, but so is getting rejected. If the person can’t be straight up with you, then they aren’t for you. If they rejected you, then they’re still not for you. It’s not a great feeling but it opens you up to move on.

Dating as a millennial doesn’t have to suck. There are plenty of people in relationships who skipped that “talking” phase you hate so much. Just stop calling it that and go on a first date and assess if you even like each other in real life! I’m sure “talking” works great for some people, but if you’re not one of those people then ditch it.

You don’t have to follow any rules, you can message first on Bumble and it won’t be weird. You can text her on a Monday morning even though you texted her last. Double text them if you have to.  It will be okay. If you hate a certain part of dating, then change your rules and make it work for you.

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Do You Like Him Or Do You Like The Attention?

Loneliness can cause a lot of confusion. It’s not enough that you’re alone, happy sometimes but sad others, miss the feeling of someone laying beside you, of always having someone to turn to – but it also jumbles up your brain and heart to the point where clarity is a small speck in the distance.

It sounds petty, but we really do need attention. And in times when we lack it, we can become a little drastic in order to receive it.

You can be a happy person alone, but still have loneliness hit you from time to time. A lot of people resort back to their ex boyfriends or girlfriends during this time of vulnerability. Because they’re familiar, they might give you the brief attention you need, they once were something but now are nothing. You don’t necessarily miss them – you just need a little attention.

Or you start dating and talking to other people in order to get attention. Maybe a relationship is what you want. Maybe this time it’s not just temporary loneliness.

But how do you really know if you like someone when the loneliness is causing so much confusion? Do you really enjoy their company or are they just the first person to offer to take you out in a while? Do you really find them attractive or are they just calling you pretty and telling you what you want to hear?

Do you really like them or do you just like the attention?

It’s best to separate yourself from the loneliness if you’re truly thinking of dating someone – but it’s hard and you’re blinded. One way or another you’ll come to find if you really like the person or if you just needed the attention. It’s sad. It makes you seem as if you were using someone when you really just couldn’t separate the needs from the wants. But it’s always something to consider every time you start to flirt with someone new – consider your state of mind with every move you make to avoid hurting anyone. Be careful when you’re lonely and confused, you are not the only one who will feel the consequences of not thinking clearly.

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I’m A Relationship Cynic

Some relationships fail. Some relationships succeed. But how are you supposed to know what the outcome will be?

There are too many variables when it comes to love. The timing, the emotions, the other players.

I just feel like I’ve seen more relationships fail than I’ve seen succeed. Therefore, I’m a relationship cynic.

We’re constantly reminded of how the divorce rate is steadily climbing. Millennials are berated for the way they date. And our society is just so caught up in the fact that you have to have a significant other. You have to get married. You have to have kids, retire, and die.

Every once in a while I see couples that I think are good together. They look in love, they seem happy, they are individuals but they compliment each other nicely. But I still see their flaws. I still see some dependence, the jealousy, fighting over things you shouldn’t even blink about. I still see them changing to fit into someone else.

And even more often I see couples that are so bad for each other. They fight constantly about things that are sometimes important, but are honestly things that can’t be changed with loud yelling and eye rolls. They put their lives on hold for the other. They settled because they didn’t want to be alone – whether they know it or not. It absolutely terrifies me to think that’s all there is to life. You need someone to get married to so you can have benefits and have a family. You need to do what society tells you to do. So grab the first person who is available and run to the altar. Because that’s all we have to live for.

I just have no faith in relationships. Every time I think I can get close to dating someone I bombard myself with the “what ifs.” And I really don’t think you should really dwell on the “what ifs” in life, but these seem like pretty important and life changing (possibly negatively) “what ifs.”

I would love it if someone would change my mind. I so hope that someone will erase those questions and doubts from my mind. I keep an open mind and I keep an open heart, but I consistently get let down. So I stay cynical.

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A Month On Match.Com: A Review

So I paid $20 for a month on because I figured the only thing I had to lose was 20 bucks. I just got paid that week, my life was kind of boring, it was like one in the morning and the term “yolo” heavily influenced my decision.

Admitting to paying for a dating app is definitely not something I wanted to do, but if I can help someone or just offer some general advice, then I will suck it up and admit it.

Dating sites like Match and EHarmony often advertise with “Start for free today!” What they don’t tell you is that the free versions are actual garbage. Match would let people see your pictures and profile, but when you got a message you couldn’t read it unless you upgraded. EHarmony let you see messages and profiles, but you couldn’t see their pictures. Most of us are at least the tiniest bit shallow, so pictures kind of seem like a must. And obviously so is the ability to read messages.

EHarmony was really expensive and made me sign up for months at a time, Match just happened to have the $20 option available through the app store.

It was a huge waste of $20.

Everyone on Match was kind of odd and I rarely even received messages. They were also a lot older than me and when they did message me it wasn’t really something I wanted to answer. At least on EHarmony they gave you a really intense dating profile that matched you with people (I’m assuming accurately).

Match didn’t have a lot of people in my area which is pretty odd because on all the free online dating apps there were plenty of people in my area. Almost too many. And when I would swipe through the discover page, the app would show me people from all over the world. How is that helpful? I’m a 22 year old from New Jersey, I’m not going to meet someone from Alaska. That’s weird.

In a nutshell, you’re way better off trying the free apps before you try I’ve also read many reviews stating that they will give you a really hard time with cancelling your account. Many people are overcharged. I signed up through Itunes so I’m hoping to avoid this debacle, I’ve heard that people’s memberships just keep getting renewed and they are charged without being to contact anyone in customer service or get their money back. I read enough reviews about this to mention it because it’s definitely something to worry about and keep in mind. But honestly I knew Match sucked after just two days on it. Don’t waste your time or money.

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Why You Should Probably Delete Tinder

I don’t think there are many reasons behind why we use social media. Sure, you can use it for your branding, to meet people, to read the news – but we mostly use it because we’re bored.

Tinder is no exception.

My generation loves instant gratification. We love getting likes on our pictures and retweets and favorites. We like being able to see right away how much people like us, or how funny they think we are, or how pretty they think we are. So when Tinder came out, it was kind of all of that instant gratification rolled into one.

All it took was a swipe to see if a boy you think is cute also thinks you’re cute. You can rack up your matches swipe by swipe. You can receive messages that instantly tell you how you look like so much fun, you have a great smile, I want to get to know you.

Unless you’re actually using Tinder to date (and not just hook up) maybe you should delete your app now. Instant gratification doesn’t get you very far. It picks you up out of your dreary mood for a few minutes until you realize you don’t like this person, you don’t want to talk to them, and matching with them didn’t solve any of your problems.

Disclaimer: I’m not deleting my Tinder app.

Partly because I always convince myself that I will eventually use it for dating. And partly because yeah, I love instant gratification. When I’m bored and in my sweats and feeling like a hot mess, my pictures on Tinder show me at my best and boys give me attention as soon as I open the app and swipe right. I’m one step closer to realizing how completely empty this is, but I’m not quite convinced yet.

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We’re Always Changing And It’s Not Always Bad

I’ve been in this world for 22 years now.  That’s approximately 1/4 of a lifetime. To some, it may seem like that’s nothing – like I’ve been here for an hour when they’ve been here for a year. To people my age, it’s a lot and time doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

In my lifetime, I’ve seen at least six different versions of myself. I’ve gone from bubbly and weird to unhappy and introverted to secure and happy to insecure and kind of happy. I took on different traits and hobbies that I inherited from who I was with in the moment. I became someone I liked, someone I hated, and someone I couldn’t even recognize.  But that’s part of life – we’re always changing.

I have a hard time believing in marriage and relationships because of this.  I guess when you find the right person, you change together.  But I find myself changing so often that I don’t know how anyone could ever keep up.

There are different stages of our lives that require different versions of ourselves. I was happy being a single girl who liked to party and socialize. That was fine in college, but that part of myself didn’t transfer well into my postgrad life.  I can see myself changing, picking up pieces of my past and mixing them with pieces of my present, and it’s scary to know that something that once made you happy doesn’t make you happy anymore.

But a better word for change is adapt. We’re adapting, we do what we do to survive.  Although there may be awkward periods of time where we aren’t always secure and happy with ourselves, you can work up to who you want to be and what fits into your new lifestyle. Change isn’t always bad as long as you embrace it instead of running away.

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