In your first relationship, every milestone is so exciting. When you get a “good morning” text from him your heart will thump. When he asks you to be his girlfriend you’re left speechless. When he tells you he loves you your face will flush bright red. Everything will cause a beautiful spark of emotion.
But sometimes after that first relationship ends, the thought of dating again brings dread instead of joy.
When someone gives you their number you get anxiety. When they kiss you for the first time it fees like they could be kissing anyone like the way they kiss you. When they tell you they want a relationship you get scared straight and run away. You fear and hate the thought of someone being your boyfriend again. The thought of love does not excite you, it terrifies you.
I know in some sort of way, love is supposed to be terrifying. You’re basically giving yourself to another person and putting all your trust and your life in their hands. But even after you think you’re ready for someone new, after you are soooo over the initial heartbreak from your first relationship – you still can’t seem to give in. You still can’t get past that dread.
I grew up as a creative child. I loved to read and I loved to listen to music. The fiction I indulged in made me a hopeless romantic. I dreamed of fatal attraction and star crossed lovers. When I thought I found someone of my own I jumped on it. I sank my teeth into the relationship and let it consume me. So much so that when it ended, there was really nothing left of me.
I started over from scratch and even when I found myself, I couldn’t find anyone else. I’m not sure if I’m destined to be alone or all of the romantic parts of me just turned bitter and cold. With no reversal in sight.
I’m often told that it will all work out when I “meet the right person.” I’m severely starting to hate that phrase because it seems like for most people, finding their prince charming wasn’t as hard as it is for me.
So, I’m not sure if the feeling of dread will pass when you meet the right person. But I do know it’s okay to be alone. And it’s okay you haven’t jumped into another relationship yet – even if your ex has.
If you’re really dreading dating, maybe you just need to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Try taking it so slow – basically at a snail’s pace. Don’t sacrifice your alone time but don’t close yourself off. Always be open to something new, but also be aware of your feelings. Dating is scary and it sucks, my only advice is to give it a shot.