When Dating Brings Dread, Not Joy

Categories Relationships, , , , , , , , , , , , , , 26 Comments on When Dating Brings Dread, Not Joy

In your first relationship, every milestone is so exciting. When you get a “good morning” text from him your heart will thump. When he asks you to be his girlfriend you’re left speechless. When he tells you he loves you your face will flush bright red. Everything will cause a beautiful spark of emotion.

But sometimes after that first relationship ends, the thought of dating again brings dread instead of joy.

When someone gives you their number you get anxiety. When they kiss you for the first time it fees like they could be kissing anyone like the way they kiss you. When they tell you they want a relationship you get scared straight and run away. You fear and hate the thought of someone being your boyfriend again. The thought of love does not excite you, it terrifies you.

I know in some sort of way, love is supposed to be terrifying. You’re basically giving yourself to another person and putting all your trust and your life in their hands. But even after you think you’re ready for someone new, after you are soooo over the initial heartbreak from your first relationship – you still can’t seem to give in. You still can’t get past that dread.

I grew up as a creative child. I loved to read and I loved to listen to music. The fiction I indulged in made me a hopeless romantic. I dreamed of fatal attraction and star crossed lovers. When I thought I found someone of my own I jumped on it. I sank my teeth into the relationship and let it consume me. So much so that when it ended, there was really nothing left of me.

I started over from scratch and even when I found myself, I couldn’t find anyone else. I’m not sure if I’m destined to be alone or all of the romantic parts of me just turned bitter and cold. With no reversal in sight.

I’m often told that it will all work out when I “meet the right person.” I’m severely starting to hate that phrase because it seems like for most people, finding their prince charming wasn’t as hard as it is for me.

So, I’m not sure if the feeling of dread will pass when you meet the right person. But I do know it’s okay to be alone. And it’s okay you haven’t jumped into another relationship yet – even if your ex has.

If you’re really dreading dating, maybe you just need to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Try taking it so slow – basically at a snail’s pace. Don’t sacrifice your alone time but don’t close yourself off. Always be open to something new, but also be aware of your feelings. Dating is scary and it sucks, my only advice is to give it a shot.

26 thoughts on “When Dating Brings Dread, Not Joy”

  1. I met hubby when I was in my later 20s and was starting to feel like I’d never find the right guy and I just be okay with my life and career and cat. And then, boom, there he was. Kind of like us both being okay with who we were made us more attractive to the other If that makes sense?

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  3. You are right and spot on about this topic.

    Dating is scary and it does leave one feeling guarded and scared about who this person might cause in someone’s life.
    However, dating can be good just to test out the waters and see who is real and genuine. It never hurts to try.

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      1. I know exactly how that feels. Yes, guys today this generation in particular are too full of themselves, too stuck up…etc…etc…I could go on.

        sucky dates never turn out well, and yes, we all go and hide just to recharge again and give it another try. I know how you feel. Maybe not exactly on point, but I know what it feels.

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  4. I met my hubbs when I least expected it. I’d just come back from Europe and was content by myself, happy and secure and feeling good about life. So my advice is, enjoy yourself, live life and don’t sit around waiting for a guy to make you happy. When you least expect it, you’ll draw him to you because you’ll be fulfilled in yourself.

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  6. I remember both those feelings all the time. The joy and the dread, and heartache when it didn’t work out and the yearning to find someone that could make you so happy you wanted to jump over the moon.

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  9. I have to say I agree with a lot you said. I got out of my first big relationship at the end of August. We dated four years. He was a good guy just not the right guy. It seems easy enough that many friends have found the right guy. But I dread dates and meeting guys (like you talk about in your last post) because pretty much they are only interested in hooking up for friends with benefits. So far this has made the dating world seem shallow, like no one wants a woman for more than sex. Stuck right now I guess. Great post. Honest and truthful.

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      1. Yes I know! I am a bit olde then you, thirty. Many of my friends are married/getting married/on kid one or two or more/ it is a bit daunting when they seemed to get their long term relationships right and mine didn’t work. But in the end, I’d rather be single then still with my ex. Great blog. I like it and your lifestyle theme.

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