Dating Someone Who Is Stuck In The Future

There are people who are attached to their past, people who are desperate to live in the present, and people who are always reaching for the future.

People and incidents in my past left my life uncertain.  I thought I had it all planned out.  I knew when I was going to get married, what the colors were going to be, what kind of dress I was going to wear, and what flowers we would have.  I knew I wanted kids, I had their names picked out and a certain number in mind. I had chosen where I wanted to live and what I wanted my house to look like. There was very little I was uncertain of, but then it all changed, as most things do.

Because of this uncertainty, I tried my best to live in the present. I started living life a little louder, drinking more, meeting people, going out and making an impression. As much as I tried to live in the present and escape the past, I found myself wandering towards the future.

All of my thoughts became so future focused that the present wasn’t even a concern. If I was dating someone, my immediate thoughts were how it would work long term.  It’s impossible to know how a relationship will work (I learned it the hard way), but I always dismissed boys before anything serious began because I just thought it wouldn’t work in the future.

I don’t know where I’ll be next week, let alone months from now.  Would it become long distance? Would I meet someone else?  Would we have to break up? How awful would that be?

Now I’m not sure how many kids I want or if I want kids at all, so I think about it a lot. I’m thinking about getting a job, what that job will lead to, and the job after that.  I’m concerned about where I’m going to live, if I’m moving home, or if I’m moving out.  My brain is constantly hurtling towards things that haven’t even happened yet.

So how do you date someone who can’t stay in the moment? My only advice is to catch me while I care. I’m assuming when I find the person I’m meant to be with, they’ll bring me into the moment. If you want to date someone who is constantly concerned about the future, you need to make them realize how important and wonderful the present will be.  Otherwise, they’ll keep moving forward and they’ll be doing it alone.

8 thoughts on “Dating Someone Who Is Stuck In The Future

  1. My sense of what you’re saying is about letting go of “control.” Seeking to control stuff will drive anybody crazy or to some sort of certain misery; being able to manage stuff, however, is entirely different and totally a plus.

    Liked by 1 person

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